Hey guys--
It's taken me a month and a half to have the strength to even visit this site. I tried averting my eyes from all the wedding talk (a little difficult). But i felt it was necessary and perhaps could bring positive messages to let you know what happened to my former fiance and me.
If you remember my post when we got engaged, he drove to surprise me as we were long distance--I was over the moon. I was with him a little over 2 years. My family loved him. He was wonderful. We were wonderful, and both so happy. We had our share of struggles being long distance and fights here and there, but we always loved eacho ther and had an amazing time together. He always told people, I knew I'd marry her since the day I met her.
At the end of August he went on a camping trip with his buddies. When he got back, something was different. This is the part I'll never know what happened. He was distant on the phone, distant when I went to visit him in person. I cried asking if something was wrong repeatedly, but he assured me it was just stress about starting grad school soon (he's 23). So I bought up tons of surprise gifts that would get him excited for school to cheer him up. We picked up my wedding dress one weeked I was home. Four days later, I got so worried about him I called his best friend to see if we could do something to help him with his "grad school" stress. His friend told me it was seriuos and that I had to call him right away. I did. He said he needed a week break of no communication to think about everything. I fell apart. I was confused and angry. For that whole week I cried myself to sleep, as everyone around me assured me he was just stressed and was not going to do anything since we knew how crazy he was about me! He sent me a facebook msesage promising me he wasn't "stringing" me along. On the last day of the break I caved and called him, saying I'm not waiting one more day for you to do this. I want a say in this. He assured me he loved me and that we'd talk about it the next day when he saw me.
He showed up at my house the following day and dumped me in less than 10 minutes. There was no emotion on his face. None. He didn't even look the same. He said it had been the happiest years of his life but that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I remember being on the floor holding on to his feet, sobbing, begging.
My dad confronted him before he could leave the house, asking him why he had said i was the love of his life just 2 weeks earlier? Or why he didn't want to try to fix whatever he saw as a big problem in his mind? He just said, "I'm an asshole". My mom went after him and calmly asked him to lay low on Facebook to let me heal, to which he rolled his eyes. She asked him, what happened to you? He said he simply sat down and reflected on the last year of our relationship and realized I was too much pressure on him. He said I pressured him to go to grad school (he had wanted to goand got in and then changed his mind last minute, but did choose to go in the end), pressured him to propose, and pressured him to spend time with me. He also said I dont know if I want kids in life (I do), while we had talked about having kids a lot before. My mom asked him why he wouldn't have told me to work on those things rather than just saying everything was great and up and leaving? He called my mom "immature" and drove away.
I called begging for answers. He blocked my phone number. I sent an email begging to work on things. He said he didn't have the energy, and knew the problems weren't fixable. He said he put too much into the relationship and wasn't getting anything back, and didn't want to try. He said he really did mean they were the happiest years of his life, and that his feelings simply changed in the last two weeks, whatever that means. Then he also said he knew he wasn't happy for a year, as in before he proposed. The story changed a lot in his responses. It simply came down to it was my fault. Since the break up, he has gone out partying almost every night (I'm told), and has been handling it very well. He even hired an attorney to make sure we couldn't go after him for wedding expenses, apparently. Again, he was so so close to my family, and just became a different person. I'm not sure if it's an immaturity thing, or character. My grief counselor said true character comes out not in times of good but times of hardship, but maybe she's just telling me that so I feel better. Either way, I'm convinced I won't do better than him.
None of us will ever understand. It has been the hardest thing to go through. I can't get through my days yet without breaking down uncontrollably. And I'm pretty convinced I will end up alone or worse, settling, because I'll always wish it was him waiting for me at the end of the aisle. yet everyone tells me I shouldn'tw ant him back after all this, I don't know what that means either. Either way, I am pretty convinced I will always wish he'd come back, and that I'll be so empty without him. I can't imagine ever finding anyone that made me feel how he did, being that attracted to someone, laughing that much with someone, or worse, trusting someone again.
I'm so sorry I've rambled. I thought I should let you know for all the people that thought we were a sweet couple. We really were. I don't know what happened to him. He bailed, disappeared, and then was rude to my family and friends. He never even said he was sorry. He was the sweetes guy when I was with him, and I wish I coudl explain it.
I love you all, and appreciate any advice or words of wisdom you may have, but my journey to my wedding ends here today.
@MissMelly: I am SO sorry to hear this. No one should have to go through this. I am with you on having broken up with a guy before and physically clung on and begged and cried to work things out.
Perhaps you did pressure him. You probably thought you were pressuring him to better himself and just moving things along in the relationship in a normal pace. Perhaps he wasn't ready for all that. Either way, the right thing for him to have done was TALK to you about it and COMMUNICATE. He is a total ASSHOLE for just getting up and leaving without giving you an explanation or closure.
Since he is not considering your feelings in the worst of times, that is why you shouldn't want him back.
I think he's doing you a HUGE favor and you won't see it for a long time. He's either being an asshole because that's who he really is and you never got to see it or because he thinks it will be easier this way for everyone involved. But, the favor he's doing for you right now is not talking to you. It will make it so much easier to move on if he's not in your life. I told my ex he couldn't talk to me anymore after we broke up, he begged to stay friends at first and I said no and he listened and while it took me what felt like eons to get over him, it would have only been worse if he was still in my life. Now, looking back, I'm so glad he listened - he did me a favor. At first I was upset that he could cut me out so easily (I know, I said not to call me, but obviously I didn't mean it lol), but today - I'm with someone else who is SO MUCH BETTER and to think I could have ruined it if he had stayed in my life! Cut him out in return and start the healing process.
I promise you, you will move on and you will find someone else and you will not be settling. As long as you have faith in yourself and who you are, that man will come. And no, it should never be this guy. This guy couldn't even give you the decency of communicating with you and giving you a decent breakup.
Take some time to heal. Take some time to work on yourself and be yourself and finding yourself outside of the relationship again. Be open to love and it will come find you.
I wish you the best. *BIG HUG*
Oh punkin, that's just the most awful thing I've ever heard! How terrible for you! Don't you listen to that boy, sooner or later he'll figure out he's crazy about you, but by the time he does that some lovely, hunk of a hunk of man will have swept you off of your feet, married you up and gotten you a house just beggin for some kids and a dog named Bingo!
For now you do what you have to in order to get through this, cry, talk to your Mom, see your friends, cry some more and then have a power cry in the parking lot of David's Bridal..whatever you need to do is ok!
The point is, whatever his problem is, it's HIS problem and if he was right about one thing, it's that he is in fact an asshole, I know you still love him honey, and that's ok, let it hurt for now and know one day you'll wake up and he won't be the first thing on your mind, and then you won't be able to remember his face, the sound of his voice, and then he'll just be gone...as significant in your memories as the boy that took you to Homecoming, there, but like talking furniture....you'll be just fine!
I am SO sorry you had to go through all of this. I know many people will tell you things will get better with time. Even though you can't imagine that happening, trust me, it will. During a breakup in a previous relationship, I truly didn't think I'd recover. People kept telling me that it would take half the time we were together to fully get over him (so, 2 years, we were together for 4). They were pretty much right.
You'll find someone else, and he'll treat you like gold. It probably hurts even more considering he's cut you out of his life completely, but when you look back eventually you'll see that's what helped you move on. One day, you'll be sitting there and all of a sudden you'll realize "Wow, if he asked me to take him back right now, there's no way I would," because you'll be in a better place. It'll be a great feeling. Hugs! :)
(((HUGS))))
This is so easy for me to say, but in time, you will believe me and everyone that posts that he did you a favor by doing this now, rather than waiting until after you were married.
You will probably never know the real reason. He may not even know the reason himself, all he knows is that it doesn't feel right and I totally agree with your counselor, that true character comes out in times of hardship. That's when we see someone's true colors.
Time really does heal all wounds. The first days absolutely suck but you will get through them. And you will be a stronger person.
You will find someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. You will not settle for anything less. Be good to yourself. Know that you are deserving of someone that will treat you well and not cop out, blame you and change his story and hire attorneys to get back wedding expenses.
Give yourself time to grieve. Take each day one at a a time. You will get through this.
I should add that he did* want to stay in communication. He told me that when he dumped me, that he wanted to be friends. It was like we had been broken up for months. I told him I couldn't be friends with him, that it was too hard. It was only when I would tell him what he did was absolutely horrible that he woudl stop talking to me, blocked me, etc. He said I won't let you guilt trip me, he refused to acknowledge what he did.
I can't wait to read all these messages. They're making me stop crying at work!
@MissMelly: That's because he's an asshole and he knows it and doesn't want to acknowledge it. I told my ex that he does NOT get the benefit of being my friend without putting in all the effort for a relationship. I did NOT want a new friend, I have plenty of those. I wanted a boyfriend. I shouldn't have to settle for what I want! This isn't a compromise! It's all of me or nothing. You should do the same. Cut him out and if he tries to contact you again tell him that he doesn't get the benefit of your friendship anymore!
I just keep thinking, why didn't I cry less when I missed him being gone? Why did I pressure him to go to grad school? I thought it was the best thing for his future and didn't know what he could do with a psychology undergrad degree. It's not like I was pressuring him to do drugs? lol I wish I could have saved it. He was never a jerk until the end. But, even if I made mistakes, I don't feel like people just leave without giving warning, right? You don't say you love them like that and then say, welp I realized I actually wasn't happy. My parents loved him, but they tell me they think it was God's way of intervening and saving me from future heartache. But of course all I see is, why couldn't I have done something to make him stay.
I am so sorry.
I can relate. I can tell you; it takes time and will get easier.
I was engaged at 23. He was the love (I thought at the time) of my life. I had followed him around the country while he persued his passion in his career. He gave me a very romantic propsal (I still remember it). He proposed on August 25, we planned a wedding for the the following October 17. I planned an entire wedding, bought a dress etc.
One year exactly from the date he proposed, he woke up that day, and said "hey, we need to talk...I don't love you anymore..we should end this"
That is all the explanation I ever got. It SUCKED!!! Ironically, 5 years ago he called wanting forgiveness and to offer an explanation. I was beyond either.
I can see now, that I am very greatful that things ended. But, boy did the healing suck!
When I think of the person I am engaged to now, I am so much better off. I still have "fears"; simply because of the way things were handled before; but I know they are unfounded. My guy is great at making sure I know he loves me and what he wants.
It does get easier. You are better off. And you deserve so much better! You deserve the guy that will put you on the pedlestool and love you! That wants a partner not a trinket. You deserve to be loved for you. Don't let yourself think otherwise.
Thank you for these responses. I'm printing them out to put on my 'hope mirror'...aka my bathroom mirror:p
@dabellabell: are you saying that jerk came back to you? Or tried to?! How long were you guys together and how long did it take for you to even be OK? Did you ever think you'd be alone forever?
@MissMelly: honey, he sucks and that's that. And if your wondering what happened on that camping trip I'll tell you. All of his weiner friends tortured him relentlessly for being interested in marriage at 23....they drank a lot of beer, started talking, drank some more beer, started REALLY talking and he admitted all of the things that were bothering him to his friends, instead of you....he left that trip determined to break it off, chickened out, made you wait through those tortuous days of radio silence, rallied with his buddies and THEN dumped you...you'd have had better odds of bailing out the tide girl, he's a shitheel and I hope his friends are as good of companions as you are, going to be a loooong winter for that boy.
@missmelly yes he wanted back in my life. No, I didn't let him. We were together for 5 years. I was very close to his family. That sucked too, I had a great relationship with his mom.
I started dating again about 6 months after the fact. I have an unrealistic story though (about 2 years later my brother got extremely sick and I put my life "on hold" to take care of him through a liver transplant process)
I was guarded for a very long time. But, when I met the right person, I let him in withouth thinking about it. Instead of keeping all my other relationships at a safe distance.
@MissMelly: I am so sorry that you're hurting. I can't believe that he would think that you could still be friends after what he did. I think that was his way of rationalizing what he did to you- that if you were friends afterward then he wasn't actually an asshole and didn't f*ck you over at all. Stay strong and don't contact him! Also- he may start texting you a few months down the road, once he realizes he's made a mistake- please don't respond to those, either. He's shown you his true character, and you deserve much better.
Please also don't think of it as 'what you could have done to make him stay." You can't make anyone stay. It wasn't your fault or what you did or didn't do, this is completely on him.
Aw, sweetie. You don't want to hear this right now, but time WILL heal this. You think you won't find anyone better, but you will.
Don't forget who you are in all of this. Get really angry that he wasted your time by being a ...well, what he is being. Then go take a kickboxing class or something. 
I have been there, done that. And I will tell you, they ALWAYS come back. Maybe not right away, but sure as the sun rises in the east, he will come sniffing around again. Don't you dare let him, though, because the only thing he needs to hear is YOU not talking to HIM. The only thing he needs to see is your behind as you walk away and never look back.
You deserve someone who is certain of you, not this crybaby "I am letting my friends dictate my life" bs.
@Nona99: His best friend was the one who introduced us. He was in my a cappella group in college....while he was a fun and loveable guy, TERRIBLE in relationships. He cheated on every girlfriend he ever had, and I would blow up at him for how he treated women, for that he always resented me and I think deep down resented that I had such a great, serious relationship with his best friend who was his party bro before we started dating.
The last month of our relationship, I got into a big fight with his best friend when he cheated (again). I think that did it for him, and Im' sure he told my fiance you have to get rid of someone that stressful. You are exactly right, I'm sure my fiance, Ben, told all of his friends all this "stuff" I had done so they came to the conclusion he should get out of it. The night before he dumped me? He was at a fantasty football draft. I can't even think about it.
Yet my mind still wanders, some other girl will get to have him.
Two weeks after he dumped me, I found out his best friend was telling people I and my family were crazy. So I called him begging him to stop and asking I thought you were my friend? His exact text message to me: "You ruined every day of my life by dating my best friend for two years too long". When I asked him to stop, he threatened "I will destroy you online if you tell anyone". It was truly, bizarre. he had and I had been friends, I thought.
Luckily, everyone realized something very cruel and bizarre was happening and rallied around me. I have never felt so much support. It hasn't been one of those break ups where people picked sides. EVERYONE immediately cut both of them out of our lives.
@blueeyedgirl275: That just seems impossible!! He even said we will never ever get back together. Yet everyone is telling me, they always come back. Iwill try* really hard to remember to be strong to say no IF that happens.
@MissMelly: Either way, I'm convinced I won't do better than him.
You're already doing better than him by being alone. Someone who doesn't want to work it out or put in any effort, who changes his story as he goes, who is this moody and unreliable with life choices is NOT worth all the good things you have to offer.
Repeat to youself until you believe it: It's better to be single than in a miserable relationship.
I know it's hard. I had a very long-term, serious relationship with someone who said loving, wonderful, adoring things to me... and towards the end became emotionally abusive, unreliable, moody, lazy, and generally just a lousy person. I cried for months. I went to therapy. I swore I'd be alone forever. Within a few months, though, I started dating. A few months after that, I found my now-fiance, who is a WAY better deal than that jerk I woulda married if he hadn't done us the favor of showing his true colors.
It's hard to believe now, but you'll be okay some day. You need to be strong and happy on your own first, then you can try to date again. In the end, you can only depend on yourself, remember that. I love my fiance, but he might get hit my a truck tomorrow (GOD FORBID!), so I have to know that I can be on my own if I need to be. We all do.
Good luck. Feel better soon.
Some other girl can have him, that is, if Big Ben there grants him permission, you well rid of that sack of crap. Go get you hair done, buy some new shoes and walk tall! Your on your way to the man who deserves you!
You guys are making me smile for the first time in SO long! Please keep these messages coming!
@Nona99 But how could he be a bad guy if he was great for 2 years otherwise? That's what I don't get. Is this something I pushed him to or is this WHO he is you know? I'm a TV reporter so it's been a little weird and embarrassing going through this on a semi public level, but it makes the hair cut even more beneficial:)
They ALWAYS come back. I stand by that statement, and I have lived it. IDK, it's like they have some kind of weird radar that tells them you are moving on, then they are all over you like white on rice. You will get the opportunity to tell him to talk a long walk off a short pier. I PROMISE.
And let some other girl have him, in the meantime. Your new fabulous self does not put up with that anymore, nor does she care!!! I know it makes you sick to your stomach to think about it right now, but she will be doing you a favor.
You know, it's whatever it takes to get through this. That's the only way you get to the other side, unfortunately. And the sooner you get this process started, the sooner you can get it done and meet the great guy that's waiting on you.
@MissMelly: I don't know HOW, the point is that asshole status as been attained, and once a man goes asshole, there's no bringing him back....it's just like loaning a girlfriend a skirt, and she scores a one nighter with some marine biologist in it, you don't want that thing back, it's HERS now....your former FI belongs to Ben now, they're assholes.
I wasn't engaged to a guy like that, but I did date a guy like that for a little less than the time you did. He told me we would get married, I was the love of his life, I was his best friend, etc.
Well, I went away for a few months to college, and he made these new friends. His new friends got to meet me once when I was visiting, and everything seemed great between me and my SO at the time. Then the next time I came to visit, he gave me this big box of presents. He then proceeded to break up with me! I didn't understand it at all. The day before I was the love of his life?
Well, he passed away shortly after in a car accident. I found out afterward that the reason he broke up with me was because his new friends thought I was a bitch for whatever reason. However, after I spoke at the funeral, they saw how much I really cared for him and asked if we could be friends.
I have since forgiven them, but it definitely was a "WTF" situation. I realized that if my SO trusted those friends so easily over me, who he had been with for a while, then I didn't want to be with him, anyway.
Oh man, I can relate to this...and I think a lot of ladies can. Things happen for a reason...maybe this was just not the man for you, remember you are young. There will be someone else that will see all the great qualities in you. This boy and yes BOY because a man does not do this. He needs a lot of growing up to do. The first months are the hardest, but just keep your head up and you will get thru this. And remember these little gremlins always come back so please do not fall into his BS if he ever does! I was living and had a child with a man that just said I'm going to Mexico for business and he came back 2 months later just to let me know he was moving there and he had someone else and practically left me on the street with my kid. (I wasn't working at that time). So be strong please and don't waste your tears on a boy that has a change of heart that quick. One day you will see that he was not worth your tears, time and energy....We all know you must have something better to talk about than this asshole! 
I was with a guy for 4 years on and off. I was always sure we'd get married and have kids. We talked about it all the time. BUT, he would suddenly "need space" and break things off saying things were "moving too fast" and he felt "in too deep" and he was in way over his head. 2 weeks later he'd be back vowing love and dedication and marriage and babies. Things would be great for months, then suddenly again he'd panic and break things off. Eventually it was too much for both of us and it ended - permanently. I know it's not the same situation at all, but maybe he was agreeing to certain things because he knew it would make you happy? I think that's what was happening in my relationship. I think he was saying what he thought he SHOULD say, what he thought was expected of him. Maybe your guy was going along with everything because he thought that was just the natural order of things, and while making you happy, he was making himself unhappy?
My only advice here is this: do not call, text, email, FB, or see him. Cut him out completely. Concentrate on yourself. Do things to make yourself happy. Do things to make you who YOU want to be. When you're happy alone is when you'll find your guy you can be happy together with.
2 months after finally ending things with my guy I decided to move 1300km away. I moved to a new town where I knew 2 people. 3 months after I moved to the new town I met my DH.
When I first made the cut with "other guy" there were days where I would lay on the floor curled into a ball just trying to hold myself together. 6 months later I was happier than I had ever been before in my entire life.
I hope you get your happy ending hon XOXOX
Echoing what a lot of other people have said, it's okay to still love him. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry and despairing in waves.
My first relationship lasted 5 years and when it ended I literally thought I would never ever be whole again. Like I had lost my very best friend and no one could ever replace him. It took me a looooong time to get over him. Like 3 years. But, the thing is, I DID get over him. And I found someone who brings me so much more joy and happiness than I ever had before.
And, in the meantime, as @lanalnoco said, I got to know myself again and I learned that I would be okay on my own. You will too.
Definitely lean on your friends and find some sort of hobby or activity (kickboxing DOES seem like a good idea) to try and take your mind off things as best as you can. Your life will pick up again and one day you will realize how much better off you are. I promise.
I'm sending you tons of hugs and chocolate.
@MissMelly: you said "...how could he be a bad guy..is this something I pushed him into...?"
It's his character, and that may be a lot of immaturity that you are seeing. I don't know the guy, but looking at this objectively he may have had to (in his mind) inflate your "badness" in order to get up courage to break up with you. Hence the stony face.
I'm glad that you are getting lots of support. I hope that you can heal nd also, perhaps get some more experience with men and judging character. Your FI may well grow up later to be a better person, but let him do that without kicking you again.
"You ruined every day of my life by dating my best friend for two years too long"
Did he and his best friend have a little bit more than a bromance going on? And things finally happened on the camping trip?
That could certainly explain his sudden change of heart.
Either way, he's an immature wimp who doesn't deserve you at all.
I think you need to read this to yourself everyday until you feel better.
When my high school sweetheart dumped me when we were 19, my best friend gave me this advice...
"Never look back. Walk tall. Act fine."
It from David Bowie's song Golden Years.
I'll tell you what though, it was the best advice. I don't know what it was about it, but I did do JUST that. I never looked back. I did walk tall and I acted like I was fine and before I knew it, I was.
Time heals all, my friend. Pretty much everyone in this world expereinces break-up pain. And 99% of those people end up doing just fine and finding a love they deserve!
So keep your chin up and live you life, you'll be just fine! I promise!
@worldtraveler: Ben and his best friend, Isaac, were always RIDICULOUSLY close. In fact, it was a struggle in our relationship in the beginning. I fought to be his best friend. I realized even in those last two weeks, that Isaac also told me it was just Ben being stressed about grad school. Aka, they had talked* about telling me it was about grad school and not us. Ben later told me he couldn't tell me the truth because "you were too sad missing me and home, I was afraid if I told you you'd move home to be with me to fix things"....duh I would.
But yes I do think Isaac played a HUGE role in it. Regardless, it was Ben's decision. He wanted to be free.
@MissMelly: That is terrible. It was a horrible thing for him to do, he is very immature to blame you and refuse to give you answers. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better, this is for the best.
Wow... just wow. I am so, so sorry. No, you didn't do anything to deserve this. No, it is NOT okay to break up with someone in the manner that your ex did (shady? dodgy? being rude? yikes). I think everyone has given excellent advice. I really like how JemmyGee and HelleCat put it. Sometimes you just have to act fine until you are fine. When you start to slide back, you just have to pick yourself back up.
((HUGS)) and remember there is a big, beautiful life waiting for you out there.
I am so, SO sorry that you're going through this. The way he handled things is rotten. I think the best thing you can do at this point is create a new, busy life for yourself (not too busy, don't get exhausted, but make sure you have stuff to do with fun people you enjoy) and tell yourself, repeatedly, that it is over. I really think you'd benefit from avoiding all contact with him for as long as possible. Something is clearly wrong in his head and even though it doesn't feel like it now, it's totally possible that he did you a huge favor by ending things now (though it would have been nice if he could have done it differently.)
Wow,
Before I read a single response, I just wanted to say you WILL find someone better. You don't think so, but this wedding bee board is living proof that you CAN find a man who will do you 100 times better than that!
Second, it was ony 2 years. I know if you're young, it seems like a life time. I would NEVER have considered marrying someone at 2 years. 4 maybe, but not 2. He's gonna be very sorry he did this. The only thing I can think of is that it was another woman.(ETA, I guess it was another man, Isaac.)
Let him go, give yourself time to heal, and you most certainly will find someone else. In my life, I had two 4 year relationships I thought I'd never get over, and then I have a 9 year one where I finally got engaged. I thought I'd never get over or do better than each man, but guess what? I can't possibly do better than my fiance--unless we break up. If we break up, then hell yeah, I can find someone and do better. Better is the man who won't walk out on you. Better is the man who won't chuck all the blame on you.
Something tells me that after he's done partying, he will be coming back around. Maybe in a year or two. Maybe you'll be available, maybe you wont. My exes always came back, but then we fell apart again 6months later. So reconcile at your own risk.
Wow, what a dick! Seriously. It's blowing my mind.
But I tell you what I think it is (and PPs have brought this up; I think they're right):
He went on an extended stag party, and the "boys" convinced him that he was too young to get married, and why would he want an old ball and chain, and do you really want to be with the same woman the rest of your life when there's all this hot tail walking around for the taking?
These things are all ridiculous and untrue. But generally guys don't start realizing that until they're about 25 or so. There are a rare few who get it before then, but it's really rare and far between.
He got scared, and he wasn't man enough to admit he was afraid, or that maybe he had moved too fast or made a mistake. So he started telling his dumbass friends about all the things that were wrong with YOU. Dumbass friends, not wanting to lose him to a 23-year-old guy's idea of what marriage is, backed him up, saying you were all the things he said you were. And OP, he may have even told lies about you to them.
So then he shows up and is an asshole to you, because when you're male and 23, it's really easy to mix up confidence and assholery. He might have even heard enough back-and-forth BS from his "bros" to have convinced himself that it really was your fault. The worst part is that he was disrespectful of your parents. That's LOW. There were plenty of ways to accomplish what he wanted to accomplish without doing that, but that would require him to actually man up, and there apparently wasn't enough man in him for him to muster up. So he took the coward's way out and was mean.
His friend then said he would "destroy you online." WTF does that even MEAN? Does that mean he's going to give 4chan your address? Is he going to tell his World of Warcraft guild that you're a slut? That's the most ridiculous threat I've ever heard. "Hey, I am going to do you harm, but I don't have the balls to do it without the shroud of anonymity the internet offers." What a tool. If it were me, I'd call his bluff just for fun, and not only that, but I'd screenshot the image of his texts and post it to Facebook. LOLs go both ways.
But--after all this, you still miss the guy. That sucks, because PP are right--he will get lonely, especially when the dickless friends of his start pairing off and he's alone. He will come sniffing around with his tail between his legs, looking for a warm place to put it for the night. DON'T GIVE IN. If you do, you only reinforce his horrible behavior, and worse, you'll be dishonoring your parents. Let him suffer like you've suffered, because that's the only way he will learn. And then, if in at least five years, you have reason to believe his balls have dropped, you might be able to give him another chance. But make him EARN it with every ounce of energy he possesses. Then tell him no and make him do it again. What you choose to do after that is up to you, but it's my belief that if you keep him at bay until you're 100% over him, the next time you see him you'll be with someone much better, and he'll get to drive home with tears in his eyes, and Adele's "Someone Like You" on his stereo.
Alone.
I know it's hard. It will hurt. It will be difficult not to try to call. But give him space. Not to say that he will miss you and come back, but to show maturity and let him see that you are more responsible and are taking the right path. By calling, emailing, checking up on him you are sending the message that you are uncontollable and can't even keep your own self from doing things that he has asked you not to do. I tell you, my FI had an experience with an ex where it seemed that she was obsessing over him, don't let yourself turn into "that girl." Stay strong, be careful and know that there are a ton that feel for you and want you to thrive and we are all part of that group. Chin up, walk straight. Something better is around the corner.
@honeybee1999: We, also, assumed it was another girl. I have confirmation from MANY sources there is no one. That he truly just wanted to be free. To party with his boys without a girl "nagging" him to hang out, as he saw it apparently. I'm sure he is sleeping around though. I have no doubt he'll find someone else. He's attractive, super charming, and friendly. Like he was to me that whole time.
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