(Closed) UPDATE to Hurt and devastated…by my in-laws. *Long*

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow, I am so sorry you are going though this.  I know it is hard to look at the bright side but at least you and your husband are on the same page.  I do wonder what he was doing while his family was interrogating you. I know you said they would stop him and direct everything at you but I would have thought at some point he might say, that’s enough we are outta here…but maybe you/he felt like you needed all of this out in the open? Either way, at this point I would have a serious conversation with your husband about how of course he is welcome to have a relationship with his family but that for the time being you will not.  You do not deserve to be subjected to their judgement and abuse like that! Also, I would be careful to never ask them for any kind of favor again.  You don’t want to give them any ammunition to act like you owe them something or to give them something to hold over you like they did with your dog.

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry. 🙁  Maybe time will help?

Post # 5
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

((((hugs))))

I am so sorry! What a horrible experience for you! I think you’re right, it doesn’t sound like you can win with people like this. I have gotten the “you don’t/didn’t try hard enough” accusation from passive aggressive arseholes before and it is utterly infuriating. What does it even mean? How do you possibly counter it? If you do something, it is the wrong thing, if you don’t do something, you’re not “trying”. They have totally set you up here. If you (completely understandably) don’t want to spend much time with these awful people who just took you apart, they will accuse you of trying to isolate your husband from his “loving” family.

I’m glad you know it’s them and absolutely not you, but it still sucks to be stuck with in-laws like this. I wish you the best of luck getting through the family events you can’t avoid without choking someone.

Post # 7
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this! But I am VERY glad your husband is on the same page and stands up for you. I dont understand why any IL’s act that way. They need to understand that you ARE a part of the family and should treat you like you are.

As for having them take care of your pup while you are away- I CANT BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD THREATEN TO NOT FEED AN ANMIAL! Does your vet do boarding? I would bring the pup there next time!

Post # 8
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sounds like you and your husband are making the best of a very bad situation.  Hopefully in the years to come, seeing you happy together, your ILs will realize how wrong they were about you and about all the ridiculous things they’ve said.  Happines is the best revenge.

Hugs to you both.

Post # 9
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

I just love adults who get everything off their chest and then they are done with the conversation.  It’s nice how no one else gets to say anything or even takes the chance to respond.  I’m glad they were able to move on *eye roll* 

And yes, it sucks to have to be the *adult* in these situations.

And seriously, they will blame you no matter what so do what is best for your family.  I definitely would cut down visits, your DH included.  If they have 100% access to your husband, which is what they want, what’s the incentive to change?

It’s no fun to hang out with people who hate you.

 

Post # 10
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Im sorry I didnt get past: they refused to feed your dog unless you talked ot them…da hell?

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I would not put up with this.  If someone tells me to my face that they don’t like me that’s fine but I will not be going over to their house ever.  Just no. 

“You’re rude, you hurt my feelings and I have zero desire to ever see you again.  You’re welcome to see my DH if you’d like but not in my house and I will not be trying to be nice to you – my effots aren’t reciprocated.”  Calm and fairly sweet.  Make them work for it.  Let them know that your feelings matter and if they don’t take care of your feelings there will be consequences. 

No one can mistreat you unless you allow them to do so.  What they did is not okay.

Post # 13
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Then by all means, do your own thing, live your own life, enjoy this lull in contact and yoru husband.

You may very well be enjoying it already, there is just this feeling that is hard to explain via words when mean IL’s take a step back and you can breath and do your own thing, your own way.  I wish you two the best!

Post # 14
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@5292010:

So, they manipulate you into coming over, then sit you down and tell you that you’re a horrible person, and expect you to feel better about it?  Wow.  Real winners. 

Your reaction is more mature than mine would have been!  🙂 

Post # 15
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow…my heart goes out to you on this whole situation. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. If I were you I would completely distance yourself from them, and have your husband do the same. You two are partners and if this “war” between all of you is really over nothing and they are insane then your husband should have no problem not going over there and having them be a part of his life. I know it’s hard and it sucks but your life will be more complicated and upsetting if they are a part of it. I can’t believe they basically trashed you and then were like, ‘yay, we feel better, now we can move on.’ This might sound strange, but I’m not sure where your family lives, if they are close by, but do you and your husband have jobs that may allow you to relocate in the future? Is that something you’d want to do. I’m not saying run away from your problems but you’d have a good excuse to not see them if you lived really far away and couldn’t see them. Then they wouldn’t have a say in your children’s lives and you’d only have to see them once in awhile. Best of luck to you and your husband and congrats on your wedding. It really sounds like you two are sticking together!

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