- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
For anyone who may be willing to give me some more perspective on what has happened since I wrote this post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-in-a-mess-need-support-and-perspective, I have an update.
1. Fiance is now no longer Fiance. We broke up after he had another relaspe. I understand that addiction is a demon that isn’t easy defeated, but it is just simply too much for me to deal with and that was my breaking point. I’m very upset about the way in which things have unfolded for us. I had hoped that we could at least maintain a friendship but that isn’t going to be possible. His relapse was not a pretty one.
The hardest part will be the separation of our lives and our home after living together for so long. Neither of us have even began to think about the logistics of all that. I’m not looking forward to it.
2. As for M….In my last post, I said that I knew it was time to cut ties with him because it wasn’t a good situation and I felt beyond awful for his wife. I told him that I could not take the guilt and that my own emotions were so raw from what was going on with my own situation that it was just too much. He was understanding and caring and apologetic. I figured that was that. I wished him all the best and spent some time just trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I threw myself into work in attempts to just push through all the emotions and I was finally feeling like I was making some headway.
However…I just found out that last night, M told his wife about his feelings for me and that he wants a divorce.
I am beyond confused at this point. Years ago, I resolved that there would never be even a remote possibility that M and I would ever have any type of romantic relationship and so I have never truly entertained that idea. He says the the idea of losing me completely made him think through his own priorities and what he was doing to everyone by staying with her. He said he was no longer able to deal with the guilt of not being honest with his wife and having feelings for someone else.
We are not in a relationship. I’m not even going to allow that idea in my head because divorce is a long, rocky, and uncertain road road. I told him that he needs to be sure that his reasons for leaving are more than just me. I don’t want that kind of responsibility and pressure. He agreed and said that he and his wife discussed the fact that their marriage was broken before it even began.
I know that I am going to get flamed for these posts. I realize what a horrible thing I have done to a marriage. And I have no idea how to ever fix this. I cannot even begin to express how much guilt and hurt I feel for M’s wife. There is nothing that justifies her pain.
I don’t know what to do.