- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I saw a thread on here a couple weeks ago about how people should tell more about what happens after the baby comes home, and I couldn’t agree more. After the birth (no matter how well, or poorly it goes) it’s certainly not “happily ever after”, rainbows and butterflies. It’s actually a lot puke, poop, tears, frustration, confusion, exhaustion, proud moments and everything in between. Thank you to the original poster for suggesting some updates, I think it’s a great idea.
For those who want a read – my birth story is here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/staceyas-birth-story-we-went-two-weeks-early#axzz2sGlWfX22
And a follow up post I wrote about my recovery and baby blues: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/staceyas-recovery-the-baby-blues#axzz2sGlWfX22
We are now 2 days shy of Brett turning 3 months old, and we still have very little clue what we are doing with this little human. He is just starting to become fun – he smiles a lot, is starting to find his voice, working on a giggle and loves to work his muscles. He can stand up when we hold his ribs for him, and he thinks it’s a pretty fun activity. Besides that, his days are spent in his playmat, swing, bouncy chair, crib and wherever else I can keep him entertained.
This baby thing is hard. Harder than I ever imagined.
I visited my doctor about a month ago after the holidays, discussing my concerns with PPD. I still cried a lot, felt hopeless, drained of energy and didn’t really want to spend a lot of time with Brett. She was very understanding and listened to my concerns, offered some suggestions before resorting to meds, all of which have been helping immensely since our appt. I believe a lot of my emotional issues come from being in a really bad Canadian winter, little sunshine, bitter cold tempertures leaving me locked in my living room like a tomb. Counting down the days until spring, that’s for sure.
Brett still doesn’t sleep through the night. In fact, he doesn’t sleep well at all. He’s on formula, so all of you who think that formula fed babies sleep through the night faster/better than Boyfriend or Best Friend babies? It’s a load of BS. I have plenty of moms from our Nov babies group who have Boyfriend or Best Friend babies sleeping 10-12 hrs, some formula babies doing the same, and a small handful of us who are lucky to get 3 hours at a time at night. It’s exhausting.
Brett is not a huge fan of his crib, still hates being flat on his back. We have a crib wedge which has helped, he gets a tight swaddle every night. Usually after his 2am feeding he refuses to go back to his crib, but will sleep in his swing after that with no issues. This isn’t such a problem but it leaves my husband or myself to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night, which kind of sucks. I rely very heavily on caffeine, having a min of 4 cups of tea a day to get me through. He sometimes will nap an hour, or two… or 15 minutes. We used to get 2 solid two hour naps each day, now we’re lucky if we get 2 naps at all. He fights afternoon naps like crazy, screams in his bath, but when it’s time for bed- he’s out like a light. For at least an hour. Yahooooo. :/
My marriage has been tested through every turn of this journey. We are both tired, worn out, covered in spit up, poop, short with each other and my Darling Husband works full time with an hour + commute each way daily. I am stuck at home in my wintery tomb 5 days a week which leaves both of us cranky with each other by days end. We have developed new rules. 1. No one is ‘more tired’ than the other because of the day they had. I can’t be ‘more tired’ than he is because Brett was fussy all day, and he can’t be ‘more tired’ than I am because he worked all day. We’re both tired, end of story. Same rule applies for who worked harder. I keep a small human alive, he keeps the $ coming in to allow us to do so. We are both working hard. 2. We have an SOS rule. If either of us send an SOS text at any time, any day, no matter what the other person is doing, it gets dropped to relieve the other. I have only had to pull that card once, but it was nice to have my husband home early to releive me while I had a nap, made myself food for the first time that day and passed off the baby who would not stop crying.
In saying all that, we are stronger than ever. We love watching Brett get bigger every day. We make time for alone time together, and date night when we have someone willing to watch Brett for a couple hours. It’s amazing how much more you appreciate a dinner for two or movie without an infant screaming or crying for you throughout.
I think for the first time, I can say that this little guy has me wrapped around his finger. I love him to bits. He’s hard work, and we still struggle with figuring him out, and finding out his needs. I get out to the mall once a week for a change of scenery, my mom takes him Mondays to give me a break, and on weekends it’s my husbands time to “take him” so i can get out for a walk, go to the gym, visit a girlfriend for lunch etc. It’s all about balance. I make sure my husband gets his time on weekends as well, so no one is resentful of the other for their time “alone”. We still share night duty for the most part – anyone who gives their husband the entire night to sleep while they do all baby shifts is f’ing crazy. I couldn’t do it. I try my best, but most nights I still need him to pick up a feeding so I can sleep more than an hour or two that entire night.
Diapers are insanely expensive. We go through clothes like crazy, he’s already in 6 month clothing and size 2 diapers. He has gone from 6lb15oz to 14+ lbs, he can hold his head up 90% of the time, he has huge smiles which we love. But – he still cries,screams, eludes us of sleep and has turned our lives upside down. We love him, a lot … but man… it will be a while before we even think of having a second. Right now, we are still in survival mode. And surviving we are. Just barely. 🙂
We are formula feeding still, and that gets expensive, but it has kept us sane, Brett is growing up a storm and life is good. I would have preferred to Boyfriend or Best Friend, but… it wasn’t in the cards this time around.
Here is a picture of Brett now at 3 months. 🙂 Sorry if it’s huge, it’s not letting me resize it!
Ok. Off to enjoy the rest of my tea before this little monster wakes up from his nap. YAY for naps!
Oh- and a list of things we couldn’t have survived without the first 3 months:
1. The swing. GET A SWING.
2. Good stroller (we have the Britax B-Agile)
3. A fun playmat
4. Diaper genie and a shit ton of refills
5. Sleepers with ZIPPERS. Snaps suck.
6. SwaddleMe sleep sacks and Swaddle blankets. Lifesaver
7. White noise machine AKA a fan. We have the sleepsheep and it only lasts 45 minutes which sucks.
8. Caffeine. Tea, coffee, espresso – pick your poison and get LOTS of it. 🙂 Oh, and wine.
Mr. Brett. 🙂