(Closed) UPDATE to “Strippers at my Man’s Bachelor Party…” (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It went from having a lap dance to having 6 lap dances and being pulled on stage and whipped. You have the right to be angry, confused, and hurt this was unacceptable. He says he will do everything to make it work, but that takes time, you are getting married in 2 WEEKS!! The only advice I have is to slow down and work on your problems/issues before taking the next step. I wish you peace, patience, and understanding.

Post # 5
Hostess
11299 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

What?? …….I don’t know what to say ;(  Only you know how, you’ll figure it out x

Post # 6
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I didn’t read your other post so I hope that this isn’t covering something that has already been covered… but here is my take on bachelor parties: they are RARELY about the bachelor. Because the bachelor is usually a nice guy with a great girl who is kind of over the drunken debauchery… which is why he’s getting married. But his friends are usually single and still very much into drunken debauchery and they’re way more excited about the bachelor party than the bachelor. And then the bachelor feels the need to go along with whatever because they’re his friends and he doesn’t want to be “whipped” (sorry, bad choice of words but you know what i mean… controlled by his future wife). From what I’ve heard the person getting the lapdance rarely even enjoys it because it is just awkward and uncomfortable (this is coming from male friends not FI who I guess you could say would have reason to “spin” it). 

All this being said, I SERIOUSLY doubt that your FI enjoyed the lapdances or being whipped on stage (I mean honestly how is that fun??). He probably just went along with it all so he wouldn’t get called out by his friends for being lame. Which does show a certain lack of maturity but is it really REALLY worth breaking up over? I think not. I think your FI made a mistake and he’s sorry, he’s told you he’s sorry, and you need to forgive him. You’re getting married in two weeks. Don’t let this overshadow the rest of your relationship. I’m sure at t-2 weeks you are SUPER stressed and probably having slight cold feet anyways because let’s face it… the whole “forever” bit is a little scary right? But if you know in your heart he is a good man who loves you and is sorry, I think you need to let this go and move on for both of your sakes. 

Post # 7
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Charbirdie:I really dont think that is typical bachelor etiquette at all. I would be absolutely disgusted if that were my husband. I would immediately set up a counseling appointment because I honestly dont think that is something I would get over on my own. He went from being honest and sorry to lying and lying some more. The trust would be totally broken for me and would SLOWLY come back. There better be a lot of flowers, date nights, foot massages and ice cream in your future or else he is a stupid man.

Post # 8
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

This is so difficult especially since you have 2 weeks. My FI hates strip clubs…he always opts out when invited to bachelor parties if he’s not in the wedding because he thinks the girls are so dirty so like you, I don’t consider him a typical bachelor. So I can’t imagine what I would feel if just weeks before (pressure from friends or not), he suddenly had a change of heart and went along with it. I think I would try to talk it through and be able to still marry him since it was whipping not kissing or worse but I still think the trust wouldn’t be 100% back for awhile.

Post # 9
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

By the way, just wanted to clarify that I am not saying for you to break up with him at all. I just think that sometimes an outside unbiased person is the best thing to have when trying to work through something that brings up so many emotions and hurt feelings. I do agree with CorgiTales that Im sure he didnt plan to do that type of thing and it was probably pressure from friends. HOWEVER he is an adult and can make his own decisions and should have known that ok one or two lap dances is fine but come on, 6 lap dances and being whipped on stage??? Im sure he knew that was over the line and the fact of the matter is that he lied to you and yes he came clean but he probably should have waited to write that long apology letter until after he came clean with the worse stuff. Im sure eventually things will be fine between the two of you but he broke your trust. And I can imagine that you are now going to NEVER allow him to go to strip clubs which you have every right to do.

Post # 10
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@CorgiTales: I’m with Corgi on this one.

I hate dirty strip bars and my fiance hates them too (disagree with them 100%!), but a few of his groomsmen are into them, so I imagine they’ll all end up there at some point :-. It’s really just an excuse for the friends to go out to a strip bar so they have an excuse to not feel sleazy about themselves.

Seems to me that his friends are the ones that put him up for all of this. As was said above, who voluntarily goes on stage and gets whipped? He’s apologized and I’m sure feels super awful. Guys get weak. They cave into peer pressure.

Post # 11
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CorgiTales: agreed 110%.

 

@Charbirdie: i completely sympathize with you over the hurt that you’re feeling about finding all this out in segmented pieces. it’s like a lie being drawn out and making the pain worse. however, if it makes you feel any better. try to think of it exactly how corgi mentioned above.

having bachelor’s whipped on stage is PURELY about embarassment and pain and not ANYTHING sexual. one of my BEST guy friends had this happened to him last summer. he hated every minute of it and it swore him to ever go to a strip club again (not that he went frequently, but still) pretty much scared him sh*tless. he said he was glad that his friends had a fun laugh, but it was purely mortifying and painful.

as for your situation with your FI. i hope that you can sort out what you need to to get over this and that your FI can help you as he can. in the long scheme of things, he sounds like a good guy and is willing to do what he can going forward to make getting over this easier for you… (huggssss)

Post # 12
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@CorgiTales: I also fully agree with Corgi.

She gave you some very, very good advice. Please listen to her post and dont let this episode ruin everything that you guys have built together. I understand that you are upset and that you are angry and I think you have a right to be. To be very honest, though, I dont think that this is worth throwing in the towel over.

Post # 14
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Set the proper tone for your marriage. Have him drop his pants and put him over your lap, then give him a sound spanking with a hairbrush.  When you feel that he has been sufficiently chastised, or his whimpering turns to tears, have him get on his knees and beg your forgiveness.  if you accept his apology let him know that weekly maintenance spankings are something he can expect in the future, since he liked it so much.

Or, Do you love him? Does he love you? Does he go to strip clubs? or visit professional dominatrix? then call it a 1x event  and just tell him that his behavior was unacceptable, and will not be repeated after you are married. Then forget about it and move on with your life.

Post # 15
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@CorgiTales: Honestly, this is a good answer/advice post you just put up. That is why a lot of these women come on here expressing surprise. To the OP, you know, you really know that your FI is not usually like this. He lied, but honestly, why do you think he lied? I’m sure it was in order to not make you upset. Not that I am condoning his lying, but he probably knew that to him, it was nothing, maybe more than slightly embarassing, but that it would cause a lot of heartache for you.

   These groomsmen. IDK, most of my FI’s friends are single and even though they swear that they want the nice lady, they are kicking it up and enjoying the single life in NYC. I totally totally feel where CorgiTales remarks are coming from.

The topic ‘UPDATE to “Strippers at my Man’s Bachelor Party…” (long)’ is closed to new replies.

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