Post # 1
So just a little background….
My FI’s brother’s wife is an awful nasty person. I have gone out of my way to be nice to her since FI started dating. He and I weren’t even together 2 months when his brother married her. I helped set up at midnight the night before the wedding and even helped set up the church the day of. I have never said anything bad about her…until now. I don’t know what I have ever done to this person but she is just downright nasty. She won’t even acknowledge me or speak to me. They do not show up to family functions because she hates the family. FI’s mom caters to her with the excuse of only because of her son. Whatever. She’s enabling the bad behavior.
Anyway, recently this girl asked my fiance, right infront of me, if we would invite some of her friends to our wedding. Shocked, we said I guess. Well the next day after coming to our senses we call and calmly say, that after discussing it we would prefer to not invite any of her friends and would like to stick to our budget. I said that we want both of them to come but we are not inviting her friends. Well his brother got irrate and called FI screaming at him and saying that if we don’t invite her friends then they aren’t coming and all this. We tried to explain that we don’t want people there we don’t know and that it’s our day and not theirs. Then she calls my FI saying that she invited people she didn’t know. His brother also had the audacity to complain about FI and I having a caterer do our wedding. His brother said that if we did it how they did they we wouldn’t mind having extra people. FI stood up to him and said you did it your way, this is how we are doing it. FI also threw in there saying that he knows his brother’s wife does not like me but FI is marrying me and if they don’t like it they don’t come. His brother’s wife also went as far to say that FI’s brother didn’t even want him as his best man in his wedding. She told FI that his brother wanted someone else who wasn’t even in the wedding! I have never seen FI as upset as he was. He was just heartbroken. I am furious! FI told her that he wanted to hear it from his brother himself and she said he was busy. I hate her!
So last weekend we went to the mall and guess who we run into….them. His brother stopped to talk to us and he told FI that it was good to run into him because he wasn’t going to call him. She just stood there and didn’t speak to either one of us.
On the way home, I told FI that he really needs to think long and hard about whether or not he wants his brother as his bestman. I told him that I didn’t care if he did but I want him to make sure that he feels 100% in his heart that he can count on his brother to be there for him.
Sorry about the long post. I had to vent. This is ridiculous. They never should have asked to invite her friends and even after we said no, they should have dropped the subject, not make world war 3 out of it.
It makes me feel like maybe FI and I are not meant to get married. Shouldn’t planning be fun? This is not fun.
Post # 3
Wow that is crazy. Sounds like you have realized that wedding planning isn’t really fun! It is full of tough decisions and family fights! I really don’t see where she gets off thinking that it is okay for her to demand that you invite friends that you don’t even know. She just had a wedding, she should understand how much it costs to invite people and I’m sure she really didn’t invite people that weren’t familiar with either the bride or the groom. It’s a tough situation with the GM thing, it will probably hurt his relationship with his brother if he drops him, but it sort of sounds like they don’t want to come if her friends aren’t invited anyway.
Post # 4
Aw, sorry you’re going through this 🙁 But don’t let it make you feel like you and your FI shouldn’t get married!
Your FBIL and his wife sound like miserable, terrible people. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make them act right and stop being a**holes. We can’t control other people’s behavior, but we CAN countrol our reactions to their behavior.
So, as hard as it is, I would try not to react. Calmly tell them how you feel, then just try not to let it upset you. These people are just jerks, and you can’t take it personally. It is your FI’s decision whether he wants to have his brother in the wedding or not.
Concentrate on building up your FI. It sounds like he might be having self-esteem issues… I’m sure the way his brother treats him (and you) is very hurtful, and sometimes when someone treats us like crap, we blame ourselves.
Post # 5
She is just an awful person. She has gone as far as calling FI’s mother every nasty name you can think of and his mom still talks to her! My mom would have slapped me if would have said anything like that to anyone.
FI and his brother really are not that close. He and brother will go weeks without talking. His brother’s wife even told my FI that she would hit him with her car the next time she saw him on his motorcycle. I think FI feels obligated to have his brother as his bestman because he was his brother’s bestman and it’s his only brother. I just am not wanting FI to get hurt and disappointed when his brother doesn’t show. I can see it happening. All because of this girl.
Post # 6
*sigh* I have an extremely similar situation with my sister/ex-moh. Notice I wrote EX-moh. Just like your FI, I stood up as the MOH for her and I poured my heart into making sure I did everything I could to make her happy. I spent thousands of hours and dollars and did my very best. Now that it’s my turn, I asked her to be MOH and shortly after she was every way as disrespectful and hurtful as your BIL and his wife have been to you and your FI. I had NO qualms about switching MOHs. She’s not even a BM. I don’t even know if she’ll condescend to be at my wedding! But what I DO know, is that it is more important to have people around you who are 100% supportive, love AND respect you than to adhere to some false sense of obligation. Your FI should ditch your BIL and trust me, he will feel a weight lift off his heart.