Post # 1
We had a really good time away, and I knew he hadn’t brought the ring with him when we left. With all the going through security and everything I would have seen it. So, I put it out my mind and decided to have fun, and remind him of everything good we have. He was being more lovey-dovey than usual.
So, we arrive back. I decide to give him until midnight, as maybe he’s planning something. And I think a home proposal is so us.
It’s currently 23.54 and he’s lying snoring beside me, and I’m trying to cry quietly. It’s our 4th year anniversary today. I feel so humiliated. He’s had the ring since November. Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s day, his birthday, Leap Year Day, no, no, no. Right now I feel repulsive and ugly. I swear I did my best not to get my hopes up, I promised I wouldn’t cry but I am so heartbroken right now. Why doesn’t he love me enough to just do it. I can’t see a reason why not.
I’m not really looking for advice or anything, I just don’t have anywhere to turn.
My heart is breaking.
Post # 3
@Mrs.SleepyKitty: I’m sorry you’re so upset 🙁 I understand the feeling of disappointment and would feel the same way too. My SO has had the ring since new years eve (just one month after you!, and we celebrated our 3rd anniversary during this period)…I am trying not to get my hopes up for our next vacation (end of may), but it is only normal for one to think “just maybe it will happen then!”….is there any way you could get some sort of timeline out of him? Is it possible he may have told your parent’s when he is planning to propose (maybe you could try to squeeze information out of them?)…I agree that once the ring is purchased, waiting becomes 10x more frustrating and if I were you I would casually/sweetly/and as innocently as possible mention something.
Post # 4
I am so sorry! I never understand how men can hold onto a ring for that long. Shouldn’t they be excited to give it to you? The only thing I can think of is that he didn’t want to do it on a holiday of any form but he has had plenty of time to come up with something else. I would be just as devastated.
Post # 5
Oh no! I’m so sorry that you’re feeling disappointed and sad. I’m waiting (and there’s not a ring quite yet) and it seems that knowing there actually is a ring would make one feel better, but I suppose not. HUGS! I bet he has something really special planned for you and I hope that you’ll feel better soon and have a proposal story to share with us soon. I know you will 🙂
Post # 6
@Dell79: I know he hasn’t talked to any relatives about it.
@MsBrooklynA:I think that’s what hurts the most, that he’s clearly not excited for it.
It’s been over a year now since I first brought it up. We have a mortgage together and he has no issues with seeing us together in the future. He was the first one to talk about the future, say ‘I love you’ and asked me to move in very quickly. I said no originally but did eventually move in. I know he loves me, but at times like this it’s hard.
And the ring. I found the one I wanted, said to him, and said I wanted to give him the details and then he could get it when he was ready. He turned around and said ‘Well, let’s just order it now’. I got my hopes up that it was going to be soon from then, otherwise why didn’t he just take the details and sort it out when he was ready? I feel like he only got it to shut me up, so I don’t feel like I’ve actually made any progress.
I just think he’s not ready, but I just don’t know how if we’ve already tied us to each other in every other way.
Post # 7
@MissPine:I really don’t know anymore. I have no hope or energy left.
Post # 8
For what it’s worth, my Fiance does NOT care about proposals. Some men just have the mentality of “I already feel married, why does she care so much about a ring?”
Mine is like that with Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons. I hate that stupid game and I never think about it. For whatever reason that hurts Fiance deeply, since I should care about Dungeons and Dragons as much as him. I love Fiance, so I see no reason to bring it into our relationship. It’s just that it doesn’t cross my mind…ever.
So yes, he has the ring. Yes, he has been with you for 4 years. The man is probably just oblivious as Hell, and sees no rush. I mean- it’s been 4 years, what’s another month?
FWIW I’m on your team! I think you deserve your ring! I’m just trying to give your Fiance some credit for his apathy.
Also, rings are NOT cheap. Trust me, if he shelled out the cash, then you’re getting it. He wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t want to ultimately marry you!
Post # 9
He MAY have something planned and it can only happen on a specific day. I’m sorry, I know how much it hurts. My fiance started the proposal in December and it ended (with “will you marry me”) in March. (its a long story as to why the proposal was so long. it has to do with how he was doing it 🙂 ) I was dying from anxiety during those three months because I didn’t know when he was going to come out with it and freaking give me the ring!
Maybe it’ll help to keep reminding yourself that the important thing is that you know he doesn’t have any doubts. It helped me when I kept reminding myself that I’m heartbroken only because I’m anxiously waiting for a ring, not because he may not love me.
Post # 10
But that’s what makes me feel even worse. We got moissy, so it wasn’t that expensive, and I paid for half.
I have big doubts that he loves me enough. If he truly loved me with all his heart, why is he putting me through this? He’s not a hearts and flowers man. I think he is completely oblivious. I know he doesn’t have an elaborate plan. He’s just not the type. Although I didn’t dare to hope today, I’m just really shocked that after everything we’ve discussed that nothing happened.
Being tired from flights and Aunt Flow isn’t helping with this either.
We’ve got a week off work together for our anniversary, and I just don’t know how I’m going to hold it together.
Post # 11
I’ll never understand the concept of a man buying a ring and then not actually giving it to his partner. Ever. It seems hurtful and pointless. Then again, we picked mine out together and he proposed right after we picked it up together. Maybe some people wouldn’t like that, I don’t know. I’m not trying to be judgmental, I just don’t understand it.
OP, I think you need to talk to him. I feel that getting engaged is a joint decision a couple makes. You shouldn’t have to wait around for him to call the shots – you’re a partnership. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. 🙁 Hopefully this will all become a distant memory very soon!
Post # 12
@Juliepants: i know in my situation, we bought the ring impulsively b/c it was a great deal…he hadn’t initially planned on buying the ring and proposing until the semester was over and we were finished with our Master’s degrees…. so let’s see if he actually does it..3 weeks left till im done (not that i’m counting or anything ;))..
@OP- is your guy the type that loves to surprise you?! I think he will be doing it when you LEAST expect it rather than the big holidays…but I don’t think there would be any harm in casually bringing it up.
Post # 13
Awww don’t be soo sad! If he already has the ring…you have nothing to worry about. Plus, there’s the whole rest of the day of your anniversary (right or do I have my time zones messed up?) that he can propose. Try to calm down and enjoy your day! And believe me, I know that it’s waaaay easier said than done! I had a similar experience last October, in Paris. The only difference was that it wasn’t our anniversary, but the disappointment was the same. I was on the flight home with theattitude from hell….I was so mad that I made him take me to my moms when we got back to the states. Not a shining moment, believe me. Good luck
Post # 14
I am so sorry, that really sucks. I would be right there with you if I was in your shoes, but I probably wouldn’t have the grace to not throw a fit about it!
When was the last time you talked? Has he given you a timeline? If not it may be time to set your own. I know all of the progress I’ve gotten from waiting is when I’ve talked to my SO and been direct. I don’t think guys understand how much we look forward to being engaged, and a gentle push is sometimes required.
Post # 15
@Mrs.SleepyKitty: I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now–It is so hard not to get your hopes up, especially when it seems like there’s no reason why it can’t happen, and trying not to show that disappointment makes it even harder. It’s only natural that you’re upset right now. Hopefully some sleep will help (as dumb as it sounds, sometimes that can make all the difference in the world). Maybe go for a walk or a run or kickboxing or something to get your frustration out. My guess is that he truly isn’t aware (even if he should be) of how much this means to you. He clearly is planning to spend the rest of his life with you, so maybe in his mind he feels that you must just know how much he loves you. Guys can be funny sometimes and don’t always get that we need to be reminded that they are crazy about us and excited to be with us. Good luck and sending hugs your way!
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence
I’m sorry you feel so terrible and I hope things start to look up!
I agree with the PP who suggested you try and get some kind of a timeline out of him, even if it’s a “don’t expect it on a major holiday” kind of thing. Before Mr. D proposed I knew something was up and he made sure to tell me that it was not going to happen anytime soon (which hurt to hear but he had a specific plan he wanted to adhere to and didn’t want me to get bummed out every time we went out for dinner or something).
Good luck and hugs!