Post # 1
So I promised to let you Bees know the outcome of the timeline talk I had with SO, so here goes…..it didn’t go to well. He told me “we will see in time”….yeah I know, wtf? He said during our relationship I have done some things that have made him lose trust in me….this was NEWS to me! I told him a relationship can’t survive without trust…we talked more I do feel like I have alot more clarity. I might start seeing other people because I’m not okay with this shit!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Wow, that sounds intense. Did his references to these things you did that made him lose trust in you ring any bells? Did they even make sense?
Post # 4
Do you know what those things are that he was referring to about losing trust?
Post # 5
I would also like to know if he detailed what it was that made him lose trust in you…
Can I just say, though, that my immediate reaction to his response is that I would be VERY uncomfortable with someone who suddenly is holding something over your head (especially something which you had not previously been aware of) as a reason to justify not wanting to even discuss marriage/a future. That screams red flags of manipulation to me, which really grinds my gears after a previous longterm (almost 7 year) relationship with someone very manipulative and emotionally abusive.
Post # 6
@keebee: Yeah, I also want to know if he explained to you what things you did that have caused him to not trust you? Also, how long have you guys been together?
Post # 7
During our 2 year relationship we have had our disgreements and instead of me NOT speaking up for myself, I made it very clear how he is allowed to treat me, even if that meant me telling him to give me some space…during those times I wouldn’t call him or go out my way to see him. He feels like I’ve broken his trust by not sticking it out with him during tough times but rather ignoring him. I think he is full a shit because my reasons were valid and if he thinks I am going to stay in a relationship with him and not take up for myself when he was in the wrong he is delusional!
Post # 8
@keebee: So you werent a doormat so he had a problem with you standing up for yourself? yeah he can go kick rocks.
Post # 9
@keebee: Personally, if someone could not respect my need for personal space during times when I needed to cool down and reflect, I wouldn’t be able to stand for it. It is his prerogative to feel the way he does, but for his response to be considered valid — in my opinion, at least — he should have voiced his feelings about you “ignoring him” immediately after that happened rather that down the line and at this point where he is using it as a means to manipulate and hold something against you. It’s very immature. If I were you, I would voice all of this to him and give him the opportunity to move forward with a clean slate since he pretty much gave up his right to be upset about those things since he did not bring them up at the time. If he does not agree, then I think you need to move on and find someone who is emotionally mature and capable of handling situations and arguments in an adult fashion.
Post # 10
I love my girlfriend. But she keeps pressuring me for marriage and wants to know when we will get married. I have no idea right now…and the more she pushes the more I resist. Finally I burst out with how it had made me feel those times when she just left and ignored me for days on end when we had a disagreement, when i just wanted to work it out. I told her honestly how it had made me feel and how unsure I could become…what is marriage without the ability to work things through together. Now things are even worse. Maybe I would be better off without her…
Sometimes looking at the other side (at least for me) really adds to the possible story.
Post # 11
Hi @keebee: Woah…
I would not be able to deal with that crap either…
Especially the “You’ve done things that make me lose trust in you” part
More so, when it is something you weren’t aware of… haven’t talked about in the past.
He is either stalling “We will see in time”… OR he is just looking for excuses… as in … this relationship works for me now… but I am still open to someone else coming along and rockin my world more than her…
OR he’s a d!ck-head who is “marking” you on your performance as a POTENTIAL Wife…
(What is known in the Psych world as a Parent-Child Relationship and is an UNHEALTHY one)
I agree 100% with what you said…
I’d not be ok with that sh!t… he should KNOW by now… and be openly communicating with you about not only the status of this relationship, but also in geenral day-to-day convo about how things are going, how to make things better for the 2 of you, and the future.
I didn’t hear any evidence of that in your post.
So ya, I’d be moving on…
— — —
@winstonchurchill: Lol, good post. And one that clearly shows these 2 aren’t necessarily on the same page (compatible) in how they look at serious relationships & the future… and that they have a major failing in HIM… being able to communicate effectively.
All the more reason to call it a day, IMO.
Post # 12
@winstonchurchill: I don’t understand….plus “finally bursting out” is not an acceptable/effective form of communication.
@This Time Round:
Thank you…I agree with both of you
Post # 13
@winstonchurchill: I agree I think it’s good to see both sides. But none of us are mind readers and if he doesn’t communicate that then he can’t expect to be heard.
@keebee: you have to do what you feel is best. Good luck
Post # 14
I have to agree with TTA. I wouldn’t be able to deal with it either.
Post # 15
He told me “we will see in time”.
Well, the problem with that little declaration coming down from the mountain top is that his majesty doesn’t get to decide what “we” will do, because “he” is not in charge of “we.”
I like your spunk, and I DO like your idea of starting to see other people.
Post # 16
I don’t understand the concept.
“I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, so let’s make a timeline for me getting a ring and then planning a party (aka wedding) so we can be devoted and loyal to each other.”
“No? Well then I don’t even want to be with you anymore.”
Makes no sense to me. I wouldn’t let the lack of a formal commitment end a relationship I supposedly want to be in for the rest of my life. Is it impossible to have that commitment and love without a ring and wedding? If the lack of a timeline was the only issue in a relationship, I wouldn’t start seeing someone else. That seems really ridiculous.