(Closed) Update:Ended it with FI. Need some advice.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s so, so sweet of you to care about him. And honestly I probably would have done the exact same thing. From your last post, ending things was a good call on your part, please don’t second guess that. 

It’s great that you all talked like normal, but his reaction to you reacting to him essentially threatening self-harm tells me he was just looking for your attention…which he got.

Please don’t be upset. I understand that you are, but just take a deep breath and realize that you did do the right thing by ending things. Is there a friend that can come over and be with you? Or can you go over to someone’s house? I’m sure that will help a lot.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers!

Post # 4
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

@Fantastagirl:  

that’s awful that he is manipulating you like this. I would call the police and tell them what happened. I imagine they would go talk to him which would dissuade him from wanting to come to your house.

Post # 5
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

@bunnyharriet:  +1 on calling the police

 

Wow. This all sounds bananas.

So, wait, he said he was gonna kill himself, but now you think he’s on his way to your house?

First, I’d make sure I’d go stay at a friend/family member’s place so you’re not by yourself tonight. If you can’t, then I’d call the cops and tell them what your ex said to you tonight (about being suicidal) and that you fear he might show up tonight.

Second, your ex is in need of serious help. You need to cut yourself loose of this sad man and get on with your life. Change your phone #, unfriend him on social networks, and just be done with it. Get a restraining order if you have to. 

But please, just go somewhere safe tonight. Stop answering his phone calls, stop calling him, no texting, nothing. Just be done.

Post # 6
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t answer the phone for him. If you do by accident, hang up. He is feeding off attention from you.

The gun is a serious escalation. So I must say: if he comes, do not answer the door to him under any circumstances. Instead, call the police if he comes to your house. I think this is justified because he has spoken of using a gun.

I’ve been praying for you.

Post # 8
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think that it probably would be a good idea to talk to the police about your options and see if a restraining order might be a good idea. His behavior seems quite unstable and controlling. Even though he never hit you, he sounds like the kind of man who could become an abuser. Abusive men can be very dangerous after a breakup. Abusers can’t stand the thought that they have lost their control over you and sometimes lash out violently when that happens, so be careful. Don’t meet up with him. Make sure you tell your family and friends what’s going on so they don’t give him any info about you that he could use to hurt you. 

As for his suicidal threats, when someone is threatening suicide you can call the cops to go check on them and they will transport him to a hospital to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. If he is serious about being suicidal, he needs to be seen by a doctor. If he is just saying that to manipulate you, then maybe getting taken in by the police will teach him a lesson about making those kinds of threats. Don’t let him control you, though. Even if he did kill himself – that’s his choice, not your fault at all. 

Post # 9
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Call the cops and then call his parents on the likelihood he’s not totally full of shit.

Post # 10
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It most likely is manipulation.  I urge you not to answer any more calls, but if he does get a message to you somehow that he’s suicidal, call his local police, not a friend.  

Post # 12
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Also I think you kinda know its manipulation. Because if you didn’t you’d be on the road not WB. I mean I would if I believed him.

Post # 13
Member
5548 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you really think he is serious, call the police anyway. He is a danger to himself and possibly you which means he can get an involuntary admission to a psych unit and hopefully get the help he apparently needs but not at the expense of your well being. He is manipulative and a bit crazy sounding. Change your number, block his email, don’t let him still control your life. 

Post # 14
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

@Fantastagirl:  

It is probably manipulation but either way the police need to be made aware. I hope he was just bluffing. My ex threatened to kill himself when we broke up (and he dumped me!)

Post # 15
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@deetroitwhat:  +1. It is manipulation. He may be very sad, but he also has a loooong history of being a control freak and manipulator. Whatever you do, don’t stay in contact with him. That will only prolong the drama. I’m sure he will try many more rounds of tactics to get you back. 

On the flip side, my BFF did a half hearted attempt at suicide when she was dumped (before I knew her) and he never came to the hospital. Although that hurt her immensely I have to think it helped her see if was truly over. She moved on and is now happily married to a great guy. However, unlike your ex, she was actually a kind person, but was simply desperate and hurting. Your ex may be those things but he also sounds like a jerk.

Post # 16
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee

I think it is manipulation, but it is good that you have a friend close by that can check on him. That way he doesn’t see you being sucked back into the relationship with him every time he threatens something and as able to keep control of you that way. 

The topic ‘Update:Ended it with FI. Need some advice.’ is closed to new replies.

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