Update/Vent (Long – Sorry!)

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 5
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  I can’t empathise really, FI and I have been sharing our finances since we moved in together (we made joint checking/saving/longterm savings recently! Makes me feel like we really are a team hehe 🙂

But seeing as he had issues with you puching him before, I would let him bring it up again when he wants to. He said you’ll have a talk tonight and was pretty upbeat by the sounds of it, so I would let him start the conversation and just be supportive. Don’t push and shove, but don;t retract (dont want him to think you’ve changed your mind!)

Even if he doesn’t accept right now, he might a week from now, or a month from now. Let him think it over for himself and make the big manly decision for himself 😛

Post # 7
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  Haha I say the ring is “ours” because really, we both contribute to our funds and even if it came from his bank account, you would just put your half back into something else in the long run… 😛

Oh dear, really? Well thank god he’s getting a new one because you can’t trust her anymore :/ I think that’s weird too, don’t worry O.o

 

Post # 8
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I do think pushing the check in his face was your emotional response to finding out about the financial aid and his mother. looking back now you are thinking with a clear, logical human head.

I think a proposal doesnt need a ring. In your current financial situation, why push for an expensive thing when you could still have what you want (the proposal) without a ring? You could then buy the ring when you both have the money. Instead of just taking your check back, i would actually say you now have some clarity after the shock about the financial aid, and “you know what honey, forget the ring for now. I am focused on making a committment to you and i dont need a ring for that. I can show i through just saying yes.” And if he still wants to get you a ring, there is the option of a cheap stand-in ring which you upgrade later. 

We had a similar sort of bind, and i was prepared to go the plain, small, cheap ring a la wedding band style for the time being, then get a big diamond ring a la ering for the wedding ring. In the end we just waited. 

Post # 9
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Umm, you know that financial aid money has to be paid back, right? I would stop thinking of it as “fun” money.

Post # 11
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Honestly, you’re sounding quite pushy in your post and I felt stressed from all your freaking out, lol. I’d just back off and stop any engagement talk, including paying for the ring, especially considering that you guys had to take a break before. Maybe just suggest getting engaged without a ring and leave that as the last word. If you have to pay for a ring using financial aid money, then it’s not a ring that you can really afford. Also there has to be something you guys can do about his mom taking the financial aid money. How is she even getting it? Maybe your SO can tell the financial aid office what’s been happening and have the money routed to him directly.

Post # 13
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  As someone who went to a state school in California and used FAFSA, you might want to triple check that it doesn’t have to be repaid once he’s done with school. I’m currently repaying mine!

Post # 14
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  I would stop bringing up engagements with him. 5 months isn’t that long ago. 

Post # 16
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First, congrats?

Now – all you have to say is that you’re sorry.  Sorry your mom has been stealing from you, and sorry I was so pushy and tried to jump in and save the day.  I got really excited at the idea of marrying you and just wanted to fix it for you.  I know it’s important to you to pay for the ring, so maybe we can work something out where you pay for the ring but I take on some other financial responsibilites.  Let me know if you want to talk about it.

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