Ups & downs of waiting – when he has the ring…Should I keep quiet? (Long)

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrsM87:  Well that sucks.  However, it sounds like he bought the ring because it was on sale, and not because he was 100% ready to propose.  Perhaps he has a plan and is waiting for a specific date?  Christmas seems a bit too far off, but do you have any other major milestones or trips?  Have you guys talked about a timeline?  If you haven’t it could be worth while to ask what his thoughts are.  You are obviously ready now, but maybe he wants to wait until he gets a promotion or until after his brother proposes or until you have more money saved up.

Post # 4
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@FutureMrsM87:  My SO has had my ring since Feb. And the current timeline extends till Feb. He’s waiting for a specific event to occur before he proposes, but I didn’t know this until a few weeks ago. Most of this time I’ve been driving myself insane wondering what was going on. I’ve a had a few pity parties myself. 

I don’t think there’s any sort of magic answer. I pestered my SO before he gave me information that helped me understand, because I’m that sort of person, and he’s used to it. 

I would suggest you speak to him, tell him that you were wondering if he had a timeline or not for marriage and all that good stuff. He might, he might not, but it gives you an idea. My SO bought the ring while I was there, so it’s not like I had to pretend I didn’t know. 

-hugs-

Post # 7
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I find that a lot of guys will continue to put off the proprosal just because they are being pressured or feel they are constantly talking about it.  Most of the time, they want it to be a surprise and if the subject is constantly being brought up, they know you are constantly thinking about it, and therefore, it won’t be much of a surprise. 

I’d say wait a couple more weeks before you bring up marriage again.  When you do, I wouldn’t have a long, drawn out convo about it either.  Say something casually like, “When we’re married…” It sounds like maybe you two have already talked about your future goals and dreams, but if you haven’t, that is definitely a convo you need to have.  Both of you need to make sure you’re on the same page as far as what you expect from your future together.  

I accidentally found my ring too.  It was in his sock drawer and I saw the box while I was putting away his socks, but I didn’t peek.  Waiting was the worst, and at one point (I think this was after he bought the ring, but didn’t have it yet) I was nagging him so bad about getting married.  We’ve been together for 7 years and we had established a timeline that worked for us financially to get engaged by the end of the year, and here it was November and no proprosal and I was an emotional wreck.  I joined the shut it up pack after that and he proposed mid-december when I was expecting it the least! He said he already had a plan of where to propose and that me fussing about not being engaged yet made him doubt his plans…

Post # 8
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I don’t have anything useful to say 🙁 sorry you’re dealing with this and I really hope it’s soon for you?

I can’t remember how long your SO has had it now, but I think I’d try to wait about 6 months before bringing anything up.

 

I really do love your friendship rings though 😀 I have one with my BFF that I’ve worn for longer than I’ve known BF, it’s a nice reminder of her since we’re apart so much.

Post # 10
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

@MissCountryGirl727:  +1

@FutureMrsM87:  

I hear you… he asked me what I wanted my ring to look like at the beginning of August. I showed him pictures (it’s a very unique ring) and I wasn’t sure what stone shape I wanted. We left the conversation at ‘well go figure it out’. 

So that week I went to two jewerly stores in town and found out my taste is realllly unique for small town stores. The rings I like I’ve only seen on etsy. He doesn’t even have a credit card so I knew it wasn’t a possibility for him to go down that path(it’s SO not his style). 

So the second store I went to they drew up the ring when I asked about the stones, and said they’d actually be able to make the ring for a really reasonable price. I was so excited. That is so his way of doing things (make it, local store) I came home all excited and told him about my adventure. The next couple of days he asked a couple of times if the quote had come in. 

They called the next week and I shared the quote with him. I said the store recommended me being involved until the wax ring, but told him they had my size and if he wanted to take it from there, he could. The choice was his.

He said okay, and hasn’t said anything since. 

So here I am… I have NO idea if he took that quote and is getting ready to get the process going (with me involved), or if he took the quote and is getting it made to keep the surprise factor. 

It was killing me that he hadn’t said anything so I was going to ask him about it. Then my best friend who just got engaged and knew exactly when it was going to happen told me not to. She said that I know it’s coming. I know he’s going to marry me. Just let him do his thing, it will not change anything except my surprise.

So here I am, almost a month later with my mouth still shut! It’s hard, but I know it’ll be worth the surprise in the end, whenever that may be 🙂

Sorry that was long!

And here is the ring inspiration:

Post # 11
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsM87:  For me it really helped to own my power by having my own internal and unspoken timeline.  The man in the relationship is not the only one who can make the clock hands tick.  Then I stopped obsessing about his timeline and focused on enjoying the relationship for whatever length of time I set. 

 

Set yours for something like New Years Eve or Valentine’s Day (4-6 months).  In the meantime, be the carefree, relaxed and enjoyable GF he has grown to love.  Say nothing about marriage or weddings during this time period.  Most importantly, quietly decide on what you plan to do if he doesn’t propose by then and follow through with it. 

 

You could decide to express afterwards that you’re at a point in your life where marriage and family is what you want and do not want to hold up yourself or him either if he’s not ready and see what his reaction is.  If it’s vague and noncommittal then you could also decide to accept that he’s not on the same page with you and begin looking for another place to live so you can open up your dating options.  That’s up to you.  But if you can stay cool, calm and collected and say nothing for the length of your timeline, then he will notice you’re not bugging him about it.  And if it’s been on his mind he will hopefully follow through with the proposal or show you how sincere he is either way.  His actions will tell you everything.  But you have to take the lead with your own actions.

 

Post # 13
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Setting a short-term timeline before bringing it up again sounds like a good idea. I’ve done the same thing.

A month ago I sent my BF an email with pics, a budget (to let him know I didn’t want anything expensive) and my ring size. Since then I haven’t mentioned it and i don’t plan to until 2014. WHEN in 2014 I don’t know, but I’m waiting until at least January.

In the meantime, I’m focused on taking a few classes and my many hobbies to keep myself occupied. 

Tomorrow is our 1 year dating anniversary. I’m over 30 and he’s over 40, so I think I’m entering the magical range when it could happen at any time. I’m pretty sure it won’t happen tomorrow, but I’m hoping before my birthday in April next year. I enjoy looking at him and thinking to myself, “There’s my husband, even if he doesn’t know it yet.” This period of anticipation is so exciting, I wouldn’t want to rush it.

I hope your SO proposes soon and that it is everything you hope it will be. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah I’m definitely in your boat. He’s had the ring since June (ordered together in May). I knew we were waiting to get the family vacations out of the way…so we got back Monday from the last one and now the real waiting begins. He did pick out my nail polish color this week (I asked his opinion and he actually had one) so I hope that means something lol. I don’t think he’s asked my family yet (something we decided he would do, per my mom’s request) but I hope he doesn’t wait long…manis don’t last forever haha

Stay strong! You can do it! Your ring is so pretty 🙂

Post # 15
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

@FutureMrsM87:  I don’t have better advice than the other girls have already given, I just want to know where that gorgeous ring is from! 

Post # 16
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsM87:  Good for you.  Now just sit back, relax and enjoy the present.  When we worry we miss out on all the good things going on around us.  I love when the holidays come.  Maybe you can start thinking of what you two will do together when you get some time off in a couple months.  Just totally put the other thing in storage within your mind until/unless your timeline comes up.  That way you’ll really be surprised!

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