Upset about DH having to look at escort services at his work :/

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Does he like his job?  Would it be possible for him to find the same type position at a different company?  I’ve never heard of any online newspaper that specializes in reporting on escorts, but maybe some other spouses of people that work with him can give you tips on coping with it.  Other than that, maybe some couples counseling can help you two come to an understanding about it.  Best of luck.

Post # 4
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t say get over it, but there isn’t much you can do given this is something he is doing for work. It’s not like he’s doing it on his personal time for fun. I’d pick my battles with this one. 

Post # 5
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I would be less upset than if there were pictures.  That would really upset me.  

However, if I were him, I would probably be most concerned about the ethics of my workplace essentially supporting prostitution. 

Post # 7
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, the story doesn’t make any sense to me.

Post # 9
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

 

MsW-to-MrsM:  +1 I agree. How does this relate to his work?

Post # 10
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If it’s for work, then there is not much he can do about it.  I am a bit suprised he didn’t mention it to you, did you know of it at all?  I mean I feel if my FI had to do this for work then he would mention it to me, at least so I’d know why this stuff was in his computer history if I came across it somehow.

I don’t think the ads are usually particularly out there, it’s nothing worse than you’ll see in a music video or something, do you think perhaps looking at them yourself would help you feel a bit reassured that there is nothing crazy in them?  I had to look up escorts at my work once, we had a feeling a building across the road was a brothel and did a google search on it and it really does not give out much information.

Otherwise, I’m not sure.  Is it worth him quitting his job over?  I would most likely just tell him if I were you to not do it at home or on the personal computer where they can be left in the history and try to put it out of your mind.  He isn’t calling them and it’s work related so you do need to let it go a bit.

Post # 12
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

They’re just ads. It’s the internet age; if he WANTS to look at naked ladies, nothing will ever stop him – your snooping included. I would suggest letting it go.

Post # 13
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Something doesn’t add up with that… like at all. Any time a guy says “it’s no big deal” when you come across something… nope nope nope. 

Post # 14
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

 

kmaemu:  I’m sensitive like you 🙂 This would REALLY bother me. The trouble is, if it’s part of his work, then there isn’t much he can do other than finding another position. I guess for me personally, I have this driving need for things to make sense and add up. I get the feeling from the initial part of your post that it doesn’t really add up for you, and this in part may be why you’re so uneasy about it? It may help you to sit him down and tell him straight up, “look, I know we have been over this. But you know it makes me uncomfortable and I need you to help put my mind at ease. ____ and ____ don’t add up for me. I’m not understanding clearly why you would have to look into these ads/sites into such detail when I thought you were working begind the scenes with coding and numbers. Can you please help me understand so my mind can quit playing tricks on me?”

This is how I present situations such as this to my FI. After he explains things to me, it usually makes sense and that helps immensely. And it helps me trust him that much more. 

I have found in past relationships however, if it doesn’t make sense to me, it’s usually BS. Alternatively, if the guy got defensive and started an argument, it was because there was something more to the story that they didn’t want me to find out. That’s why those relationships didn’t work out. Either way, I’m not at all implying that your DH is trying to cover something up; but rather that you present your dilemma to him in a non-threatening or accusatory way, and see what he gives you. 

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