(Closed) Upset about hunting camp this year, not sure how to rationally deal

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5227 posts
Bee Keeper

@nyscpa2be:  I think a little time apart will be the healthiest for you at this point. It’s easy to make our SO’s our ” everything”, but you need to be able to function without him for 9 days. It is OK and actually good to give yourself a chance to miss him. 

Get some books, some movies, go to a Wednesday or Sunday night service to meet a few new people and learn how to cultivate interests outside of your husband. 

Post # 4
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree, I think this could be really good for you.  We all need to have some alone time and learn how to manage ourselves.  You’ll be okay!  Take the time to do some schoolwork, watch some sappy movies, or join a club at school.

Post # 5
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@nyscpa2be:  It’s going to be okay! The way you’re feeling about it is normal — there’s nothing wrong with being worried and apprehensive. You need a solid plan for how you’re going to spend the time. Sit down with a piece of paper and brainstorm ALL the stuff you can do to fill the hours while he’s gone. Go to the library and get a huge stack of books and some DVDs. There might be some interesting classes at the library, too — could you learn to knit or go to a book group? Find some cool recipes you want to try, especially complicated ones that you’ve found intimidating, like learning to cover a cake with fondant or bake bread. Try some exercise DVDs like yoga or zumba. Write a short story. Tackle some time-consuming cleaning jobs. Dye your hair, paint your nails. See if any local places need volunteers — what about an animal shelter? Think of things that genuinely interest you and get involved. You’ll benefit in the long term in addition to keep busy while your DH is gone.

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Going to agree with the PP on this one. You sound far to dependant on your partner for your own good.

Post # 7
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it will be good for both of you! You can have lots of girly time to take bubble baths and lay around watching bad tv while he gets to hunt. I actually look forward to hunting season because I know that is a week I can do whatever I please. So, if that means staying up until 2 in the morning watching What Not to Wear and Dr. Phil while eating fudge ripple ice cream, I can without having to worry about him.

Post # 8
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Last year my FI went out of state for a week, so I can sort of understand how you feel.  We’re together nearly 24/7 also, so it was a big change overnight.  And I won’t lie – I was apprehensive.  Not so much because I wasn’t going to be with him, but I was afraid of being alone at night.  I let my imagination run wild and watch too many true crime documentaries late at night. 😛 Other than that, though, it was really enjoyable!  Sometime we do become super dependant on our SOs and we need to step back ever once and again to be comfortable with just being by ourselves.  So I would do exactly what PPs have suggested to you.  See what types of organizations can you involve yourself with – enjoy your time by yourself.

http://www.meetup.com/ is a neat site to searc where you live and see what groups are around you. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t mean this to sound harsh, but have you never spent time alone?  Honestly, that sounds like a thin slice of heaven to me.  I love my H of course, but I got really used to living alone for 15 years and sometimes I miss it.

Post # 10
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

OMG, you could do so many things! Take yourself out on a date, go see a movie and grab a drink afterwards. Being out by yourself is scary at first but after a few tries, it’s crazy empowering!

Is there anything you enjoy that he dislikes? If so, now’s the time to do it!

Post # 11
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

It sounds like time apart is just what you need, you are way too dependent on your SO to be the center of your everything. If you can’t function without him around that is just not healthy. You need some independence.

I agree with @Bulbasaur go to meetup.com and go to an event to meet some friends or go to a museum or coffee shop something to maybe meet new people.

Post # 13
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@nyscpa2be:  You will make it through this, I promise!  I tend to get VERY anxious when I’m away from DH for more than a few days.  We used to go months without seeing eachother, so now that he’s home and I’m used to having him around, I get all sorts of jittery.

I would suggest using this time as a learning experience.  You can not go the rest of your life this dependent on someone.  It’s unhealthy.  What happens when you graduate and get a job?  What happens if that job takes you out of town?  What happens if you want to visit family and your DH can’t go/vice versa…kind of like now?  I ask you these things b/c I went through the same thing.  After DH was home for about a year, he had to go and train for 2 weeks and I thought I was going to die.  The best thing I did was find a way to keep myself very busy.  And when he got back, I tried to set a new routine where we did things on our own and not always together.  It has defnitely helped!

Post # 14
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

do it. the first few days are going to suck, and falling asleep is going to be hard without him beside you for the first few nights, but afterwards you’re going to love it. there’s a HUGE difference between having “you” time for a few days and being alone for weeks or months at a time. there’s also a huge difference between being able to count down to when he’ll be back and not knowing if you’ll be alone forever. you won’t be. it’s nine days. you can do it 🙂

where are you located if you don’t mind my asking? maybe a bee will have a suggestion specific to your area. i would maybe suggest getting a pet; an adult dog from a shelter is good to calm your anxiety, give you a reason to go out, a great way to meet people (not bffs necessarily, but to have random conversations and feel apart of the community), and if your husband’s home all day, should be manageable. adult dogs tend to settle in pretty quickly, and i know of many people who’ve credited their dogs with keeping them sane when moving to a new city 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee

@nyscpa2be:  As much as you say you’re not trying to push ideas aside, you pushed every idea aside. It is not healthy to be so dependent on someone- even if the rationalization is that he is on you.

As someone who has lived alone for the last 6 years, this is baffling to me. I have a lot of down time, but I appreciate that I can pick what’s on tv, I can eat eggs for dinner, etc. Embrace those things.

Take the time to learn your new city. Go for a walk around a different neighborhood. Read some books you have put off.

All volunteering is in the ghetto?? Where are you living? I’m in Philly and it’s pretty bad in some areas, but there are things to do everywhere. Again, it seems like you have a lot of excuses to allow yourself to be upset abou this. Reframe it.

Post # 16
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Yeah, you’re just making excuses.  I understand that it’s difficult to attack this depression and dependence, but this isn’t healthy at all.  I think you really need to work on finding help to become more independent. 

The topic ‘Upset about hunting camp this year, not sure how to rationally deal’ is closed to new replies.

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