- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
First I will start out by saying that I love my BF with all my heart. I have never met someone who I am more compatible with. Regardless of this fact, being with him has literally been the most emotional relationship of my life. He is currently going through a divorce (we met when she had moved out and told him to start dating. We were hanging out as friends for a month because I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to get involved in that, but our deep connection took over , we started dating and the day after we kissed for the first time he told her he wanted a divorce.)
He has had some grieving moments, sure. He knows he does not want to be with her, he never trusted her (she cheated many times and spent their 4 years of marriage telling everyone who would listen how badly she wanted to leave him) and though he does believe he loved her at one point, he said he can pinpoint falling out of love with her about two years ago. Everyday has become easier and I believe him when he says he loves me and cannot see a reason for us to ever part. Anyway, the divorce is still in process and I am super sensitive about it. She completely controlled him in the marriage and she is continuing to control him throughout the divorce proceedings. He is going to get the house (he built it) but she is totally taking him to the cleaners for him to be able to get it. She also never set up retirement (even with her $120,000 salary) so he has to give her half of his. He makes a good salary, but he is also a farmer and has a lot of expenses, plus with this impending loan that he will have to take out, he is freaking out financially.
So on to what upset me!
The other night we were talking about putting some stuff in the safe and he mentioned how her engagement ring is still in there and how he is going to sell it and put it towards paying her off instead of giving it back.Then he went on to say “It is a really nice ring and I spend a lot of money on it…you do realize that if I ever propose to you I will not be able to spend that much money on you” (this was not a serious sit down thing, it was an in passing/by the way kind of thing) I was like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!>!>LKJHDSALFJIFGHSDR!!!!!!!!!!!! My actual response was “wow, I don’t know if I should be more upset that you aren’t sure i fyou want to be with me or that you don’t want to spend as much money on me.” His response was “Tatertot, I had the financial backing back then (she is a Dr- hello money insecurity considering i am a teacher!) and I wasn’t being taken for all I have by an exwife…also proposals are supposed to be surprises, so why wouldn’t I say “if”?
This of course got me to thinking…I am second. i am not his first…He wants me to move in with him…in to the house he built for THEM. If we do get married, he already did it…first dances, watching someone walk down the aisle, registering for gifts..everything. I am not his first love…I am his second. I will always be second best.
Is anyone else going through this? We haven’t been together terribly long (6 months) but I know that he is the one. Even his mother has mentioned to me how she cannot wait for the papers to be signed because she has never seen her son so happy and she knows he has never had this kind of a connection with someone before…I told him she said that and he was so happy that his family was supporting him and seeing what the two of us have already seen. His mom has also told me not to worry about her and what they had because they were never meant to be and she knew it from the beginning.
Why am I letting this get to me?! I practically live in a horse barn and my BF runs a vineyard…I like to wear Levi’s, not huge diamond rings…I would be scared to even put an expensive ring on! Why did this cause such a rush of stupid emotions?
argh! Thanks for reading- sorry so long!