(Closed) Deleting this Post

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sucks your sister is marrying a guy you arent crazy about. However, you’re not engaged yet, therefore you’re not in the position to be making plans for a wedding or getting upse about other people’s plans, sister or not.

Post # 4
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I’m not sure what advice you are looking for………if you aren’t engaged, you can’t really “call” a season at this point. The only thing I think you can do is let her know that you have been wanting to get married around that same time…….but without a solid plan in place, I don’t think you have much of a leg to stand on here. 

Post # 5
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

is there a reason they picked november? Would you be comfortable with any fall month, like october?

Post # 6
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Ugh it sucks so bad when your sibling marries someone you aren’t crazy about. Happened to me! I did notttt like my sister in law at all. It caused a big rift in our family actually. My advice on that would be to try to get over it though. I felt a big shift in myself on their wedding day, personally. Watching them take their vows I realized that my feelings on her did not matter at all. My brother loved her and was marrying her and I would never hope for failure for him– so I hoped that their marriage would be great and she would be around forever. And I started treating her like a sister and putting aside my feelings. Things are way way better now. She still sometimes says things that annoy me but that’s family, right? 🙂 It does suck when you want your sibling to end up with someone you feel is better suited for them– but once they make a choice it is so much better for everyone to just accept it and move on. 

As for the wedding date, not much to be done about that. Your engagement is still speculative at this point. You really can’t expect your sister to block out the fall of every year to not conflict with your potential engagement. If you do get engaged soon I think you’ll just have to decide between getting married soon after her, getting married a year later, or changing your wedding vision. I also had to change mine. My brother got engaged to his wife after my husband had started ring shopping but before he proposed. They set their date first for the last weekend of August for the next year, and I had always wanted to get married in early October. A month between our weddings wasn’t enough for me (or our traveling family) so I had a winter wedding instead. And it was awesome! Once I committed to my vision of a winter wedding I got just as excited about it as I had been about my fall wedding.

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My wisdom and advice would be to keep using this page to vent your frustrations, but to otherwise let things go.  Don’t complain to your sister. Don’t complain to your parents.

Your sister is engaged; you are not. So right there shows that it’s kind of pointless to get upset over who will get married first or whose wedding is “too close” to whose.  

If you do get engaged, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s already engaged and already chosen her date. Your choice then will become to either schedule your wedding close to hers, or not close to hers.  If you are dead set on a December wedding ONCE YOU GET ENGAGED, then you will need to look at all the reasons you “can’t imagine” getting married three weeks after her, and see which of those you can actually do something about.  If it’s because you’re concerned about travel for your potentially overlapping guests, then having your wedding earlier might be a solution, so that guests only have to travel once; if you’re concerned that there won’t be enough time to do all the things you want to do and still help your sister, then your choices become #1 do more in advance #2 pay someone else to do those things you don’t have time for or #3 don’t help your sister till your own plans are in order.

Regardless, I think it’s really unattractive when siblings start causing angst over wedding dates being too close, too far apart, conflicting with other events like birthdays, and so forth. You and your sister are both going to have a wedding, both weddings will be nice, and there’s plenty of “spotlight” to go around.  Learn to share with each other and don’t be so selfish that you only see how your sister’s plans are “ruining” yours.

Also you should address your feelings and opinions about your sister’s fiance as a separate issue and not let them contaminate your ability to feel happy for your sister.  You may not like the guy, but she loves him. If he’s not a suitable partner for her, you can by all means TACTFULLY bring your concerns to her, but it’s not your opinion that matters. It’s hers. 

Post # 8
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

You actually had a lot of caring responses and good advice. I’m not sure why you’re upset?

Post # 9
Member
46141 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mafindla:  I read all the responses .The mere fact that no one agreed with you doesn’t make their responses harsh.

Hopefully they will help you to see another point of view whether you like them or not.

Post # 10
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I actually didn’t see this original post or the responses, but I am in a similar situation I think with my little sister (she has been engaged since January 2011 and I am not engaged- YET!  Our dream dates are 2 weeks apart and most of our family has a 5+ hour plane flight).  Having weddings for the same family too close apart is a concern both sisters should have in mind- you have a LOT of overlapping guests and you don’t want traveling to the weddings to be a financial burden, or force them to choose one sister’s wedding  over the other because they can’t afford both.

Not sure if that helps, but my take away is that family is about give and take and you and your sister should work together to find a solution for everybody before invitations get printed.  She got engaged first? Who cares? That doesn’t mean that she gets to be selfish and get everything she wants while you have to change everything around her.  Aren’t a lot of us on here bc we think and dream about this stuff before we are engaged?  I think you need to talk to your sister and find a compromise.  If three weeks is too close than one sister can move it up a month, the other sister can move it back a month so both have the same season and voila- now you have a 3 month buffer zone! 

Post # 11
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@HeartsandSparkles:  Sorry, the same goes for you, I think as the OP. You are not engaged. Your sister is. When your time comes, then you have a say in making plans.

It’s like saying “I’m a millionaire, I just haven’t gotten the money yet.” Sorry. 

Post # 12
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m really confused here, Are these ladies taking about being married the same year as thier sisters but arn’t even engaged yet? Doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense to me. How do you know you’ll even get married in the same year as one another. Especially with one of you not even being engaged yet!

Post # 13
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@kariface:  I disagree.  My little sister has been engaged for 3 years and has changed her date half a dozen times.  Her time has come and went, IMO.  It’s not like I don’t know if it will happen or not (your millionaire analogy)- we picked out the ring already and will have everything finalized in a couple months.  Plus I’m older than she is and I think age is an important factor to consider as well. 

The first come, first serve idea seems juvenile to me for weddings- the I got engaged first attitude seems bratty and immature.  I still think cooperating with siblings as soon as possible to make sure there is enough time between two weddings with many overlapping out of town guests is just good planning and anything less is being an inconsiderate host.

@mafindla:  I can now understand why you deleted your post!

Post # 14
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@HeartsandSparkles:  I don’t think the “I got engaged first” idea is juvenile at all – it is pretty much common sense. Regardless of age, or how long someone’s been engaged, YOU can’t act like a spoiled baby, when you are not even engaged yet! Once you get engaged, then you can worry about the plans, but for now, i’m sorry, in my opinion, you don’t have a leg to stand on. 

As you can read on this board, there are many waiting bees who have picked out a ring a while ago and are still waiting. You just, as the old saying goes, can’t count your chicks before they hatch. It sucks, and it’s shitty, but thats the way it is. 

 

Post # 15
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I didn’t think anyone here was harsh and I don’t think you guys deserve that flack… the Bee is like the most supportive place I can think of!

Post # 16
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@HeartsandSparkles:  Just remember than until you book a venue, no date is set in stone.  Some venues book a year or more in advance.  Don’t “claim” a date until you are sure your venue, photographer, and caterer are all free. 

Besides, if your sister has changed her date a few times, chances are she may again.

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