(Closed) upset, but I should be lucky to even HAVE a wedding

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Aww, I’m so sorry.  <<BIG HUG>>  Trust me, I was there last week with this issue.  We’re paying for our own wedding too and he’s all over the “big wedding”  we got in a fight about the money (mostly him paying) because all he wanted was to just get married the two of us.  I planned this whole wedding and now I’m hearing that he’s against it?!!  Plus we’ve invested a ton of money – that helped my arguement.  We resolved it by him coming in and saying it’s all worth it for me to be happy – I guess no matter what happens that day I better be damn happy or else. 

Anyway, as far as solutions, yes you should have been saving and budgeting, but maybe there is still a way to salvage this.  The dress, can you post something on Craig’s list to see if you can find someone cheaper?  Photographer, do you already pay?  If you did pay the $300 and it’s only $50 more, then I say use them, you’ll cherish those photos forever.  If not, is there a family member that can take pictures?  they may not be as great, but it’s an option.  You mentioned the dancing afterwards – is that something he still really wants?  If so, have the short congratulatory thing afterwards at ceremony site and go home and relax (or hotel and relax) then go out for a night of fun.  Today there is no one that knows the “perfect” wedding, everyone has their own opinions and this might be a really fun option.

Keep your chin up, things may change – it took my FH about 24 hours to come around when he figured out how bad he hurt me by saying those things.  And just remember that leading up to the wedding is very stressful on both sides so this may just be an emotional outburst from him and you feeling stressed about the whole thing.

Post # 4
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ok, ok, hive hugs! Let’s see how to solve this problem:

First of all, right now, evaluate how serious your fiance is about getting married. He put a vacation before your wedding?! You shouldn’t have to continuously remind a grown man he’s got a wedding to pay for. The problem is not the dress, but this–money troubles. Get on a budget (look online for plenty of budget tools, or at the library). He needs to understand that weddings cost money, so if you’ve both got the money for it, he better stop complaining and pony up for the bare minimum needs, if this is what he truly wants. Sell some things on ebay/craigslist (baby stuff that gets outgrown so fast=money!) and do what you need to.

Second, if you’re going to go through with all of it, get your dress fixed asap or find a cheap dress on ebay and sell that one. Seriously, you need a dress that fits, period.

Third, if you’ve invited people to a reception, you gotta do it. He doesn’t want to, but it’s not negotiable if it’s on the invites and it’s the right thing to do if these people are traveling for you!

Wow… there’s just so much here.. I’m not sure what to tell you about all of it but I wish you good luck.

Post # 5
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry this has become so stressful for you!

But you are doing a fabulous job with your budget!  I’m totally amazed.  Your fiance, like most guys is probably still suffering wedding sticker shock, especially if this the first time he’s having to contribute money to a wedding. 

The dress is really important.  I think it’s possible to find another seamstress but $160 seems reasonable for how much needs to still be done.  I would file a complaint with David’s Bridal when everything is over and you have some time left.

You don’t want to disregard everything your fiance says regarding money, but maybe you can compromise by offering to budget for something he finds important in the next 6 months to a year.  try to be patient and respectful and he may be more willing to listen.

I love cinemaparadiso’s advice about selling items on craig’s list and ebay.  Keep in mind that you may be able to sell your dress again for a couple hundred dollars.  You can recoup a little cost!

Hope this helps.  You’re getting married in 5 weeks–and that’s incredibly exciting!  Try to enjoy the time with family and friends and feel beautiful…you’re a bride!

Post # 6
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

couple things, maybe find ways for extra cash–garage sale, sell your orphan earrings; I did that and made $540–2 garage sales for $120 each; sold  my gold jewelry with no pair for another 180 the rest I sold things I dont need–try it maybe you can scrap enough for another alteration

 

is there anyway you can hem it yourself?just take it in from the bottom and hem it at the sides; I alter my clothes all the time; I am a size 2 and lots of things I like are size 4 or 6

its great you were able to budget so well but you really want to feel beautiful on your wedding day–you deserve it sister!

 hmm I dont know about buying on e-bay–maybe sell your dress and then buy a new one a lot cheaper thats is your size straight from the store; can you borrow anyone’s dress?we can fix this, dont fret

good luck!

Post # 7
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Would your family pay to have the dressed hemmed as their wedding gift?  

And how exactly does your FI expect you to walk in that dress?  Eat ramen for the next 5 weeks and save up to get it altered.  For the bust part can you tack in some bra cups/shoulder pads to fill it in?  

Post # 8
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Do you have any friends who can sew?  If the bottom of your dress is anything like mine, it’s a really simple stitch.  Anyone with a little sewing experience could hem it and slight mess ups really won’t be noticable!!  As for the top of the dress, I second whoever recommended padding of some sort.  I also second cinemaparadiso’s craigslist recommendation, I’m sure you can find a few things around the house that you can sell!

I don’t want this to sound mean, but you and your future husband really need to talk about how you are going to your handle finances!  Maybe you could start a savings account for things you guys want, with an automatic deposit set up and have a rule that neither one can touch it without the other one knowing.  Do you have joint finances now?  I’m just asking b/c you said that you thought he was budgeting for the wedding when you took the vacation but that he really wasn’t.  I know it’s too late for this to work for your wedding, but I would still try to set up a financial plan for your life together!!

Post # 9
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Have a friend ordained for free online (check with your county and state to make sure they’ll recognize it) and save yourself the $160 for the officiant. That’s enough to get the dress hemmed!

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ooh quick suggestion. Maybe take a trip up to a nearby university and see if any photography students will snap your photos for just the price of processing. You’d be surprised at the responses you’ll get -truly.
Also, it really sucks to be alone in the excitement of wedding planning (I experienced it in the beginning when my fiance was way too stressed about finances to be happy but everything is okay now). It takes the thrill away. Let him know that you want this day, that you think that you deserve this day and that how passive he’s being about it is really hurting you.

Post # 11
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

Aww you poor thing I am sooo sorry you are going through so many difficult things and that nothing seems to be working out…I think a lot of the suggestions you have gotten so far are great…Have you ever thought about tackling the hemming yourself?  Have you tallked to the people at David’s Bridal to see if there is anything they can do to help…afterall you did spend a lot of money there and you paid to have them alter it to fit you!! You are the paying customer and should get what you paid for!!  As far as everything else, hang in there I am sure you will figure something oout, even if it means having a bbq reception at your own house.  And hey, if it doesn’t turn out great there is always renewing your vows in years to come…you can have a bigger celebration then when you get settled and save.

Post # 12
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

Oh, i’m sorry to hear!

But I’m sure there are things you can do so even cut the costs further like previous posts have mentioned.  A lot of people are looking to give away or sell their wedding items/centerpieces for dirt cheap.  Perhaps you can check out the classifieds or post something.

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