Post # 1
So my mother is a certified wedding planner, even though she has gotten out of the buisness pretty much, she’s still full of wedding ideas. Her and my sister think I need to have this grand affair, and keep suggesting ideas way out of my price range. They’ll look things up on the internet and be in awe of them, and look at me like you need to do that.
I’m an extreme budget bride. No one is offering to throw money our way. But when I tell them ideas I have, it’s pretty much me being told it’s not good enough. (Minimalistic destination wedding in Disney, the place where we met, or a ceremony and dessert party.) I do not care about every detail, I do not care about a big ballroom with a big dance floor. I want simple and affordable, and an enjoyable day celebrating my marriage to my wonderful FI. Everyone’s solution is to wait until we can save up to afford something bigger. If I had the money though, I wouldn’t spend it all on the wedding to begin with. That’s how I am, not a big spender, just a romantic. I’ve told them both this. They take offense from it, and act like I’m being a brat about things. In all honesty though, I’m just upset and not really even looking forward to planning a wedding anymore. I know there is no way to please everyone, but I just wish that for once they understood how I felt.
Post # 3
I think you should stick to your guns and have the event you want. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a simple affair and your mother should respect your wishes.
Post # 4
You’re paying-so it’s your way! Share what you want here, and not so much with them. Tell them, oh, that sounds interesting, or yeah, I’ll think about that. 🙂
Post # 5
My solution to those situations is just to plaster a smile on your face, thank them for the suggestion- then do it your way.
If you don’t care about the big, fancy, expensive wedding- then carry that one step further and “don’t care” about their comments.
Post # 6
i got the same advice as the PPs – stand your ground, don;t talk with them about the wedding and come here to weddingbee to plan your wedding! i moved to the other side of the country this for my internship and so i thought i would be sad that i had to do all my wedding planning essentially alone, away from family and friends. also, i had other reasons why i couldn’t talk about the details of my wedding with some of my friends. in the end though i have discovered i LOVE planning my wedding and sharing and getting ideas on weddingbee! seriously, being here has changed the whole experience. you can find and ask for tons of budget ideas, get excited about YOUR ideas and we will get excited for you too!
Post # 7
Maybe you just need to sit down and really have a heart to heart to them explaining that this is your day, and although you appreciate their opinions and excitement about the wedding, you’re ideas are very different and they should be focused more on your dream day – not their dream day.
Post # 8
@eco-chic: You sound exactly like me. I even wrote a post about how frustrated I was within weeks of wedding planning. I have no intention of spending anymore than 3,000 dollars on this event and in fact, if FH and I didn’t LOVE food we wouldn’t even spend that much. I kept hearing from relatives that we had to have it at a certain time, certain place, invite certain people, wear certain things, I’m sure you get the picture. I even heard, “Why don’t you wait a year and save up money.” Uh, no, any extra money is going to pay off student loans and create a real savings for us. Since then, I have stopped talking to family members about wedding planning. Seriously, I say we’ll let you know what we’ve decided when we decide and then I move off of the topic. I feel like there are two big life events where people feel like they have free range to “force” their wants onto you (for lack of a better word): weddings and babies. I don’t know why, but people assume that you have to do it a certain way, which just so happens to be their way. In the end, they only really want you to be happy. Don’t feel like you have to have anything other than what you and your FH want. And not that my opinion matters either, but I think going back to the place where you met is a great idea.
Post # 9
Thank you so much ladies! I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Reading your comments make me feel better. I’ve also started reading Emotionally Engaged on my kindle (a recommendation from the boards), and that is also helping me relax and put things into perspective.
I think part of me really cares what everyone thinks, but I’m not marrying them… I’m marrying him.
@CapeBoundBride:And you’re absolutely right, everyone under the sun has an opinion. I guess it’s just gotta be about me not letting them get to me. Glad to hear I’m not the only one who has felt this way.
Post # 10
I’ve had a similar experience to you, with friends and family have lots of lavish ideas which would be great if they were offering to pay but they aren’t :/ The way I have worked around it is to just not talk to them too much about all the details. I would say just go planning on your own and leave much of the details a “surprise” to the guests attending.
I have also had the suggestion to wait longer until you can afford more but if that isn’t important to you then you should use future money to pay for something that is important. A wedding is just one day so if something like taking a nice trip in the future, buying a house, etc is important to you then spend that money on that and keep the wedding costs down.
Post # 11
I had a surprise wedding, made for very little input in the process! At the end of the day you have to do what is best for you. 🙂