Weddingbee boards

Hey girl, I'm sorry you feel bad about this, but I'm not sure I understand why you expect your parents to pay.

You would feel a whole lot better if you let go of those expectations :)

It's not your parents duty to pay for a wedding, but, honestly, I would be upset too. I feel like it should be a blessing and a joy to help your daughter finance her wedding. If they are not in a financial position to do so, that is one thing. However, if they are in a financial position to help with the wedding and they are choosing not to then I can understand why you would be hurt. Like others have said, they are not obligated to help you financially. However, one would hope that parents would give freely of what they have if they have it to give. That said, I don't know their situation, etc. Still, I understand and empathize with you- from what you have presented it sounds like your parents are not being supportive emotionally or financially. The latter may be undersrtandable, but the former is not.

Obviously, many PP have mentioned what I think is a fundamental point that they have no obligation to pay for your wedding.  Even the church as a venue which you said they requested, you had every right to tell them no because you (and your future in-laws) are paying for the event.  Plus, for $100, I'm not sure you could have done much better with any other ceremony site, so I wouldn't pull that out as an argument unless they actually talked you out of a cheaper venue with their expectation for a church.

I also think you're jumping to quite a few conclusions about their trip.  Do you know if your father got a bargain on it?  Are they making it a long vacation or just a short, budget trip?  Could it be in any way related to promises your dad has ever made to your mom about trips or seeing family farther away?  These are all factors that, in all honesty, could make your perspective of it wildly off base.

Do keep in mind that because there is a reason for this trip - another family member's wedding - that if you bring this up to them, you are likely to come off looking like you want them to sacrifice even attending another family member's big day just to foot the bill for your day.

As others have said, if the root of the problem is that she didn't support your relationship, that's what you need to address.  Paying for your wedding, especially expecting that they sacrifice participation in another family member's wedding in order to do it, really doesn't have anything to do with the real issue you described.

I understand why you're upset but at the time time - it's their money & they can choose to spend it how they want. I went through kinda the same thing- my parents said they weren't financially able to help with the wedding (I understood & was fine with it) but then a month later redid the whole kitchen & my dad started building an airplane. Yay- both financially expensive projects. It upset me for a day & then I remembered that it's their money that they worked hard to earn and can choose to spend it however they wish.

@amhuelskamp:  I'm glad you were able to pinpoint what was bothering you.  I'm sure that's a bit of relief in some way! :)

For all it's worth, I don't really have that much emotional support either from my mother (never have actually). My situation is not the same as you, but I do understand what it feels like. 

@dashwoodgirl:  I actually disagree with your take on the trip.  What if the husband has been trying to organize a trip or larger gift for his wife for a long while and seeing more family far away has been something they have always wanted to do?  Now, they have the opportunity to combine many goals, and he's doing it as a gift during a romantic holiday that will hopefully be a good thing for their relationship.  There's so much that we simply don't know, and it sounds like the OP isn't sure on the details either since she heard them from her brother via text.

I get that when you have kids, you largely give up the right to be selfish.  But, that doesn't mean living your life for your kids for the rest of your lives at the expense of paying attention to your own relationship and other family connections.  Once the kids are grown, they should be able to be happy for parents who take some time to focus on themselves.  It's really a two-way street, and after years of sacrificing for kids, they should be able to do some things for themselves.

I think the OP has come to realize that it's not actually the wedding expenses that are bothering her, but the perceived lack of support for the relationship.  Expecting that family members shun one person's wedding just to foot the bill for small costs (as outlined by the OP's first post) comes off as quite selfish.

I'm really happy to see that the OP has figured out exactly what's bothering her, and hopefully she can focus on her happy day, resolving the specific concerns with her own family, and also building her relationship with a supportive husband-to-be. :)

i think you have every right to be upset.

i dont know a thing about the relationship with your parents, but the way my family works is that your parents will help pay for your wedding. they dont have to pay for the whole thing of course, but they should contribute what they can.

my parents and my fiance's parents are being very generous, and i appreciate that. my fiance and i are also contributing to our wedding fund, though. when my future children reach that time in their lives, i will do the same thing and help them financially.

i can definitely understand why you are upset- how in one breath your mom says they can't afford to help, but then you find out they're taking an expensive trip.

im sorry you're dealing with this :(