Post # 1
I married 6 months ago but the problem started on hens night.
A few of my friends planned a hens night for me, they started it of with a really cruel joke that left me feeling miserable and humiliated (i realise this was not their intention) i snapped and said they were horrible and cried. I cried for three days and felt so revolting about myself i wanted to call of my wedding. My sister was there and said that it was cruel and the first time she had gone to a hens night where the fun was at the brides expense.
Anyway i appologised to each of them for my reaction and forgave them. One in particular realised how hurt i was and really went out of her way to make it better.
Anyway one of them never apologised and has not spoken to me since, this would not be so bad but we work together and sge has been truely horrid. I was stunned at her reaction and was surprised when she actually showed up at my wedding and assumed it had all blown over – surely no one would attend the wedding of someone they did not intend to ever talk to again.
Anyway finally het behaviour at work has gotten so bad others kept asking me what was going on, as i assumed it could not still be about the hens night i was truely baffled and said so. Anywsy we had to have a session and she said it was and what i said was melicious. I said but it was a heated thing after you were so cruel to me, she said it was not intended as a joke (so it was on purpose to make me feel so humiliated?) and did not apologise.
I asked gpher why did she attend my wedding? I said how can you go to a wedding of someone you are so angry with you wont speak to (even when i tried to, she only talked to me now because work said she had to) and she said she felt aparhy towards me on the day?!? What!
Im so annoyed – especially as i had a really long “b list” inviting her (note invited prior to hens night) is the only regret i have about my wedding, i just cant ubderstand why she even came and why she thinks that she is somehow the victom.
Sorry typed on ipad and it wont let me go back to correct typos!
Post # 3
Can I ask what it was that she did?
Honestly, it is something that you should have confronted her about before the wedding and if you did not want her to attend, you should have communicated that to her.
I’m sorry that your hen’s night was awful, I wouldn’t wish something like that on my worst enemy.
Decide if this is a person that you want in your life. If not, then is it really worth getting into it with her? I’d steer clear of her at work too, just keep doing your job!
Post # 4
I did confront her prior to the wedding and she refused to speak to me, would not return my calls etc, i asked a friend to mediate prior to wedding and find out if she was over it, note hens night was only about two weeks before the wedding so not much time to sort out and quite frankly i was busy. Friend said she was all good and attending wedding so i thought it had all cleared up. But now for the last 6 months since the wedding she has been horrible to me and said it was about what happened before the wedding.
I dont want to relive what they did but it was shameful and very public, my sister was there at the time and was horrified, my fiance burned everthing to do with the hens night before i even woke the following day after my sister told him what happened when she took me home hours earlier than he had expected us to arrive.
Post # 5
Just forget about the girl- she obviously has no interest in being friends so don;t waste anymore time or effort on her.
I hope you one day get over the event because it sounds like it was horrible if you can’t even talk about it to strangers.
Post # 6
I’m hesitant to recommend anything without knowing what happened as what is “shameful” to someone is just a silly joke to someone else, but if it’s 6 months after the fact and there is still drama, I’d just drop it all and ignore her.
Post # 7
I agree. Without knowing what they did, it’s pretty hard to comment or give you any advice/suggestions.
I hope you can work it out 🙂
Post # 8
To be honest i had moved on and was confused by her behaviour towards me, im not angry or upset about the hens night anymore, i am friends with the others involved. I am only upset about her behaviour since and that she attended my wedding if she did not like me or even want to try to repair it.
I just wanted to get it of my chest after it came up again today.
Post # 9
@Pink Turtle: Well it must have something to do with what happened that night if she’s been funny ever since.
Post # 10
If your friends intentionally all organised something that they knew would humiliate you on your hen night and had good reason to think you would react badly to it, then they are all at fault, not just this girl.
If you admittedly seriously over reacted then maybe you do need to apologise to her. Only you know the details so only you can decide. I think it comes down less to what they did and more to how they anticipated you would react.
Post # 11
@Pink Turtle: you poor thing. she sounds manipulative and awful. maybe she is jealous of you?
Post # 12
I’m sorry but it’s impossible to really give any sort of advice without knowing what went on. I understand it might be painful for you to relive but you’re already doing so by posting this in the first place.
I really think, in order to get some really good and fair advice that we need to know what they did and what you said (even if you have to ** out certain words).
Post # 13
I think the reason it would help to know what happened was because from her perspective she could have planned what she thought was a nice party for you, only to have you call her names and not speak to her. It’s hard to tell how unreasonable this attitude is without knowing what they did. But if you don’t want to relive it I understand! Just harder to get a grasp on the situation.
Post # 14
@Pink Turtle: She may have attended your wedding because she didn’t want to be left out of being “in the know” of your day, or to take advantage of the party, seeing her friends, her presence all about her needs instead of being there for you in a more generous way. Or, perhaps, deep down inside she knew she would have regretted not going because she knows what she did on the hens night was wrong, and she does really care about you, but has too much pride to admit it so she’d rather hold onto her anger and be spiteful. Complicated!
It sounds as though it was intentional if she says it wasn’t just a joke. It also sounds as though she was the ringleader of this cruel hens night prank on you — “there is truth in jest” — that she was in fact lashing out at you under the guise of fun, and among the protection of the other girls who were in on it but more innocently thought it was all in good fun. She manipulated them and took advantage of the situation to prove whatever wrong point she was trying to make at your expense. Whether you took it the wrong way is besides the point — she shouldn’t have initiated any chance of there being a way to upset you on your hens night if she was a true friend. She is not a friend.
All we can do is speculate, but really, no use wasting time on this person any longer.
P.S. Protect yourself at work. If she is bringing in her nonsense into the workplace and disrupting your livelihood there, that is waaaaaay stepping over the line. Here you need to treat this as an employee to employee situation. Do you have a Human Resources department where you can file her poor behavior toward you at work? I stress the “at work” part so that you don’t make this about your personal grievances toward her outside of the workplace, but rather, that she is being unprofessional toward you in the work environment and that has got to stop. You shouldn’t have to have that hanging over you when you’re trying to make a living. I know it is part of the territory in being friends with a co-worker, but still, you have a right to do your job without her nonsense leaking into it. Hang in there.
Post # 15
Agree with PP’s. I can’t give any advice without knowing what this “awful” act was.
Post # 16
Regardless of what happened, the fact that her behavior towards you has manifested to the point where it is affecting your work is not okay. She could end up costing you your job, so obviously some sort of resolution has to be found both for that purpose and for you to move on! As others have said, I’m not exactly sure how to propose how to do that given that we are missing a huge part of what actually happened (and I do respect the fact that it’s something you are uncomfortable sharing). I’m sure that given the magnitude of emotion surrounding the event – it was something that resulted in you saying many things you did not mean. Perhaps a mutual apology is in order? It sounds like one of those things that spiralled beyond intent and control…I hope you are able to find some resolution in all this!