Upset with FI – how would you react/respond?

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your signatures are more important than any other signature on there.

He picked his person, I don’t think he can un-ask the dude.
Just pick your person and make sure it’s someone who you really like to help balance it out. 🙂

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@BirdieNY:  WHOOAAAAA. Mountain out of a mole hill.  Pick your person and move on.

Yeah, FI probably should have mentioned it to you but when Joe put him on the spot it was an easy way out to make Joe happy.  This is not going to ruin your marriage document and I’m sure Joe’s signature is not going to be the focal point of the document.

Post # 5
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You are waaaay overreacting.

You’re going to hang that document, and almost never look at it. I promise you will not stand there in your house and stare at the Ketubah EVER, and neither will anyone else.

Post # 6
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@BirdieNY:  I feel hesitant to respond because I know nothing of Jewish faith or traditions, but that aside, I don’t understand why it’s wrong of your FI to be able to choose someone he wants and you choose someone you want.

I get it. It’s an important document. Ours was signed by our MOH and Best Man. it isn’t something we hang in our home, BUT the church did give us a beautifully decorated mock one to hang up if we wanted.

I guess, for me, I don’t see the big deal. If your FI really wants to include this guy on that, I say let him. If you truly believe you will walk by your document every day and sneer at it because it has a name of someone you don’t like then I think that’s quite ridiculous. I personally didn’t find this that important. As long as it was signed I didn’t care. We are married either way.

Post # 7
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wouldn’t let 1 signature tarnish the memory that your marriage contract holds. He found someone, you need to do the same. I’d just get over this and stress better communication moving forward.

Post # 8
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Sorry, I think you’re overreacting. You’re deciding together to get married and you both sign the contract. That’s what’s important.

Marriage is about making decisions together, yes, but not every single decision about every single detail must be made together. There must also be trust that your partner is able to make decisions on his own and that you will be there to back him up with those decisions.

Post # 9
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@BirdieNY:  Sorry, but I agree with the people who say you’re blowing this out of proportion. Use this opportunity to practice getting over things that are out of your control. I can guarantee you, it will happen a lot in your marriage:) Honestly, I can not stand DH’s best man. They’re really not friends anymore so IDK why he chose him as the best man. Ya, his signature is on our marriage certificate and I wish he would have chosen someone else but that’s certainly not what I think about when I see our marriage certificate. 

Post # 10
welliesMember
1425 posts
Bumble bee

@KC-2722:  +1. While I understand why you are upset, there’s nothing you can do about it, unfortunately. I would let FI know you’d prefer to run things by each other in the future and then try to let it go.

Post # 11
Member
11717 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My reaction at this point would be to apologize for overreacting.

Sorry, but I think you’re making such an issue over something that shouldn’t be.  He picked his friend to do something important for him.  Pick your person and move on.

Post # 12
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@BirdieNY:  I completly understand where you’re coming from, but I would just let it go.  You will have more important things to worry about, and maybe you can laugh about it in the future.

We are having a small wedding with our closest friends and family, therefore, we have a small bridal party of 6.  FI drops on me recently that he’s asking his friend Rob to be a groomsman.  No joke, I said, “WHO’S ROB???”  He’s a friend of his he was tight with when he lived out of state, but I have NEVER met, spoken to or even seen a picture of this guy!!  I was pissed at first, but then I decided to forget it b/c it’s not my problem. 

He can have Larry, Mo and Curly up there with him for all I care!!!!

Post # 13
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@BirdieNY:  Yeah…I don’t get why you’re upset either.  To me this is kind of a, you pick yours and I’ll pick mine, situation.  And I get that its going to be on the wall, but are you really going to let the fact that you didn’t pick the guy’s signature on that thing bother you?

C’mon!

Post # 14
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with everyone else. It will only “tarnish” the document if YOU allow it to.

Post # 16
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m glad you’re feeling better about it. I just wanted to add in that even if it is overreacting, I would have freaked out too! I think you should both apologize. 

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