Post # 1
My fiance and I got upset with each other last night as we were addressing invitations. He forwarded me a guest list for his family, but his list of addresses has more people, and at least 10 more kids on it that what he sent to me before. I’m really regretting making the choice we did for the caterer and venue, now that I have this information. If most of his family comes to the wedding, we will be over budget. Of course I want to invite his family and do the right thing, and I love having kids around. But I am annoyed that this didn’t come up during the budgeting process like six months ago, and instead is coming now as we are about to send invitations. He says that he couldn’t have known beforehand because there were family issues going on and the list could not be finalized. But I am kind of a control freak about stuff like that and I am really peeved that he didn’t give me all the information before, including the people who were "maybes." You have to account for those people in the budget too, right? Is this unreasonable?
Post # 3
I agree that you have to account for every single "maybe" — and even some of the "of course nots!" in your budgeting. I would be super peeved right now if my fiance had pulled this.
There’s probably nothing you can do about it besides talking it over with your fiance and trying to trim the list, or talking with your caterer and trying to trim the price.
At least you won’t be going over a maximum capacity for your venue, right!
Going over budget isn’t the end of the world. Most people do. If you’re going over budget by WAY too much, try to trim other areas, if possible. Do you really need monogrammed everything? Will you cherish those toasting flutes and that cake-cutting set for the rest of your lives, or will they just sit in a box? Would your cake look just as nice plain as it would with that expensive cake topper? Etc.
*HUGS* Don’t worry! You’ll figure this out.
Post # 4
I completely understand why you are frustrated. In my opinion you have to look at all your guests as definites because you just never know who will accept or who will decline. I used to be a wedding planner and I can tell you – never listen to that rule that 20% will not come. I have seen people invite 300 people and only 240 show up and I’ve seen 300 people invited and ALL 300 show up. That rule only applies 1/2 the time in my experience.
Post # 5
DOn’t invite more than you can afford, and try to make rules about who to invite (i.e. all the 2nd cousins or none of them). That usually avoids the worst of the family drama.
But I think in general you can anticipate a wedding with at least 10% not showing up, and significatly more if it involves travel. My wedding was long distance for my husband’s family and friends, and very local for my family and most friends.
overall our acceptance percentage was about 63%, but for the local people it was closer to 85% and for the long distance, it was about 35%!
Post # 6
A similiar situation happened to me. My mom added about 8 people that were not in the original count, his mom probably 8 people that she did not account for, and the worst MY GRANDMA insisted on 6 people that I have not seen in over 8 years. I was really upset but the only person I could really ‘argue’ with was my own mom and the people she added I could justify for sure, the people his mom added were mostly people my own FIANCE does not even know! This really angered me but getting in a fight over it was totally pointless. I have just learned to deal with it at this point… ugh.
Post # 7
Tenmylove I am feeling your pain (or something similar). We were designing invitations last week and FI wanted to include a photo of us. Not a bad idea… except that he thought it would be nice for people his parents are inviting in case they don’t know what we look like.
Why are we inviting people who have never met us??? Whose wedding is this?
I refuse to have to introduce myself to people (their dates, sure, the invitees, NO) at my own wedding. Period.
Post # 8
I would be annoyed too. It’s such a sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach when you realize you’re going over, and its irritating that that could have been avoided.
Post # 9
I would be having panic attacks if i were you too … but you should definitely assume all the invited guests will say yes to your invitation and see if you can afford it using that number.
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat so I feel your pain. I wanted a small wedding (max. 100 people) and can really only afford a small wedding. I invited 60 people total…he invited 150 people. I’m so FREAKING OUT right now! Here’s to hope’n nobody shows up! 🙂