Upset with FI's family- Would you be?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Jw1724:  No, but I think that he should put his foot down or it will set a precedent that if they just pester then you guys will always end up going. Not cool. Just tell them you are both really tired but would love having everyone over for a bbq the following week, or whatever, as a compromise. There isn’t any reason why you should have to go to a bbq. Ugh.

Post # 5
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be upset! You have a valid reason for skipping a no-reason get together. I agree with PP, stand your ground or this will be a common occurrence in your married life. Boundaries will be important with these in-laws apparently!

take some time and enjoy your new home, congratulations!

Post # 6
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

YES, we go through this with every holiday or non-holiday get together. If we say we can’t come for whatever reason, the calls start. The guilt tripping starts. They don’t let up until my SO agrees to go. And if my mom wants to do something? Oh well!

I really think the solution is your FI needs to put his foot down. I sure wish my SO would! It’s to the point that we are required to spend EVERY SINGLE holiday there. Even small ones like Veterans Day and such that really mean nothing to his parents other than an excuse to make us come over. Nevermind that nobody in his family is a veteran and most of my family is. Too bad for my family. Ugh. I feel your frustration 100%!!!!!!

Post # 7
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, I would be upset by the pressure. I have been in similar situations with some members of my extended family — the nagging, the relentless pressure, not taking “no” for an answer, blah blah blah.

 I totally understand why you gave in and said “yes” this time — but I agree with PPs that you have to put your foot down next time.  (Edited because I misunderstood OP’s post.)

The key to saying “no” is to do it nicely. No attitude, no raising your voice, no cranky facial expressions, etc. Put on your teflon suit of armor and whatever words or drama they fling at you will slide right off.

Just smile and say “no.”

If they ask “Why,” your answer is “Because I can’t.”

The broken record technique works well with people who pressure you to get their way…. just keep nicely saying “No” and “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Eventually they will get tired of their game and give up.

 Also, don’t be afraid to not answer the phone when they call, and take 24-48 hours to return their messages. Another trick that works well is to return their calls at odd times when you know they’re not available, at work, etc.

Post # 9
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@Jw1724:  

Oh whoops, I missed that part.

Well, good for you… stick to your guns. Once you “train” them they will probably learn not to keep testing you like this in the years to come.

 

It’s really silly and pointless, isn’t it?! I hate it when people do that!

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Jw1724:  Good for you! That is so selfish of them that they get upset about his sister’s husband wanting time with them at holiday and such. However, the problem is the enabling. It’s almost like training children 😛 It won’t be easy but you’ll get through it.

ETA: Be nice about it and like pp stated don’t answer right away (it’s okay to screen calls sometimes)

 

Post # 11
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s not  as if you had lots of notice that this event were taking place and I think it’s rude to assume that you will just drop everything and go.  I would have just said that you have plans that day (you do) and not elaborate.  

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