(Closed) upset with friend for the way he reacts to my relationship

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
38 posts
Newbee

I think having a private conversation about the matter would be best. Being more assertive in front of others may make people uncomfortable. Hope you figure it out either way 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would probably pull him aside in private and tell him that as much as you respect his opinion of your situation, you don’t appreciate him trying to force it on you and others while in public. That would seriously annoy me.

Post # 6
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@walnutgirl:  start justifying his annoyingness with the fact that he’s religious then, see how he feels.

Post # 8
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If the folks to whom he’s introducing you are religious/conservative, I suspect he’s trying either to shield you from their disapproval, or trying to shield HIMSELF from their disapproval. (ie, why does he continue to maintain you as friends if you’re such heathens?) This disapproval may be real or imagined on his part. In any case, I think bringing it up privately is for the best, and making it clear that it bugs you.

Post # 9
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@walnutgirl: Ugh, that is annoying. I would have a private conversation with him about how uncomfortable that makes you. ETA: Not that it makes any difference, but that whole “keeping up appearances” thing is very un-Christian. 

Post # 11
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Isn’t lying a “sin”? Tell him to knock it off or refuse to meet any more of his friends.

Post # 12
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Geez!  If he thinks you’re that immoral, why is he still friends with you?

Post # 13
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Yes, I think you need to have a face-to-face, one-on-one conversation with him, and explain how this is frustrating you.

As a Christian, I can tell you that if you were particularly spiritual yourself, then he could and should talk to you if he thinks that you’re doing something against your faith. (And even then, he would talk to YOU, not go around pretending to everyone else you’re getting married.)

However, as you’ve said, you are not particularly religious, and so he can’t really expect you to live by the principles of his religion (whatever religion that may be).

Him saying you’re engaged doesn’t really make you engaged, and most conservative leaders of many of the world’s major religions don’t approve of the members of their congregations/temples/etc living together before the actual marriage anyway, so I’m not really sure how he thinks lying about your relationship status makes anything better.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he has some pretty judgmental friends if he feels the need to pretend that you are behaving in a way that you’re not. That or he is very insecure in himself and feels that being friends with you would be a poor reflection on him- which I assure you, it is not.

If he is really your friend, then having a heart-to-heart with him should open his eyes, and he should see how his behavior is upsetting to you and sincerely apologize.

Post # 14
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Gee, he is uncomfortable about your living arraangement but is comfortable about lying to his friends? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Post # 15
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@strawbabies:  Christians are ‘immoral,’ too. 🙂 We’re not any better than anybody else, and many of us have plenty of friends who are not Christian at all and disagree with most of our beliefs.

Even so, we can’t just go around telling people that someone is engaged/married/whatever when they aren’t. 

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