Post # 1
I love my grandma and we’re very close despite the fact that I live in Canada and she’s in Sweden. As I can’t imagine our wedding day without her, we’re actually going to get married there. So far, planning everything from Canada has been less than ideal, but we’re doing it because we both want her to be there that day. Anyway, before I started the wedding plans I asked my grandma if she had any requests when it came to the dress. She said I could wear anything, as long as it had a small sleeve. Since I don’t like strapless dresses (just have a hard time with the armpit roll) that was an easy promise. So the search for the dress started and it’s still on. As we’re approaching 6 months to the wedding, I begin to feel like it would be nice to find one as soon as possible. So the last few days I’ve spent searching for an appropriate dresses. I’ve thought about this one from JCrew:
Or this one from Ruche:
Or perhaps this one:
All dresses I though appropriate in terms of not showing my shoulders. I posted them on my blog for feedback yesterday and today I got an email from my grandma saying “I WON’T ATTEND THE WEDDING IF YOU WEAR SOMETHING WITH AN OPEN BACK!” Perhaps I’m over reacting as my FI and I’ve had a falling out last fall with his mum, when she said that she wouldn’t come… but I really got sad and upset with grandmas email. We’re doing our best to create a beautiful celebration on the opposite side of the North Atlantic Ocean, we’re having the wedding in her home town church as it means a lot to her (my FI is not religious and feel a little awkward about it, but does it because he loves her so much) and I’m going to wear my grandpas wedding ring as something old to honour their marriage. It REALLY feels like we’ve done our best to please her, and now she says that she won’t go if I don’t follow a dress code she hasn’t even informed me about…
What do you say bee’s? Is this just me losing it a little because I’m stressed or should I talk to her about it?
Post # 3
I think you should talk to her about it, and find out exactly what she thinks a wedding gown should look like, and adjust accordingly (if it’s that important to you). The ones you’ve posted are pretty conservative in my opinion, and unless she’s over 90, I can’t see what kind of issues she’d really have.
Good luck. Some older people can be brutal.
Post # 4
@ItWasntMe: Thanks for your input, I feel like I want to talk to her – but I’m worried that I will upset her. She’s 84 years old, and a mixture of being really open minded about things (I mean, she’s using email and Skype) and being very conservative. Think I got upset because I really didn’t see this one coming!
Post # 5
Those are all lovely dresses and not too outrageous in our eyes – but she is of a different generation and a different country & culture. I think this is something that you will be able to work out without too much difficulty. I can see how someone of your grandma’s generation would feel like you shouldn’t show skin (even just a low back) in a church wedding. I grew up in an area with a lot of Norwegian Lutherans (American born, I mean, but the cultural influence is definitely apparent), and they trend pretty conservative by nature. I can imagine that a Swedish grandma would feel that way.
Maybe talk to her about whether a veil will cover your back? (If you’re wearing a veil) Or you could think about a dress with a removeable bolero? You could also look for a dress with some pretty detailing on the back … bottom line: if you were absolutely in love with one of the dresses you posted, 100% convinced that it was *THE DRESS* and none other would do, maybe it would be worth putting up a fight. (Although it sounds like your grandma’s presence is more important to you than a dress – and that’s exactly as it should be.) But if these are just possibilities you were considering, there’s no harm in looking at a few more possibilities. Once you find a dress that you are really in love with, only then would I worry about having an awkward conversation with your grandma (if it’s even necessary. You just might fall in love with a dress that she thinks is perfectly appropriate for a church wedding.)
Post # 6
Firstly, can I just say that I love the idea that your 84 year olf grandmother skypes and emails? Thats awesome.
Anyway, back to the point. She said it needed a sleeve, which you agreed. Tell her that. She asked one thing of you, if she wants to add more you need to know now (and its up to you to oblige). The only dress with an “open back” is the second with the sheer covering, which is my least favorite of the bunch. The other two have top back exposed but it is no where near “open” to me.
Post # 7
I think you have to talk to her so you can actually hear her tone of voice. Is it possible she was joking??? Anything by email/text/post/etc. can easily be taken out of context. So start there and see if it’s really even an issue. But I think all those dresses are in good taste. And I know how hard it can be to finda wedding dress with sleeves. So if you love those dresses stick to your guns. I can’t believe she would follow through with no coming over a dress back!
Post # 8
I think you need to talk to her over the phone. I really liked the last two, and I thought they looked really classy! Does she expect you to be completely covered up? Besides, you ask her for her requests and she only said sleeves. I think if you talk to her and just get her opinion on why she doesn’t like the open back maybe you guys can come to agreement that doesn’t involve you sacrificing a dress you love, but allows your grandmother to be happy with your choice as well.
By the way I think it is sweet that you are so clkose with grandma. Times like those make me miss my grandma <3
Post # 9
@KCKnd2: I wasn’t completely set on any of these dresses (although the JCrew is my favourite) but they were all strong contestants up until now. It’s just plain difficult to find dresses with cap sleeves – so after this I feel like I’m back on square one. I’m definitely not going to select something I know she’ll hate, but I also feel like she’s being a little bit of a drama queen in this case. Like “Really, you won’t attend your only grand daughters wedding because you think the back is a little too low cut?!”. Anyway, thanks for your input – if you happen to find an awesome dress with you know what criteria’s somewhere online; please send me a pm. 🙂
@MASPA: It really is – she even attends school 4 days a week! As far as I know, she’s the oldest college student in Sweden (math, history, Swedish and crafts)!
Back to the dress, you have a very good point there, I have to talk to her to find out what she considers too much. If she’s not ok with any bare back at all… well, then I have to tell her that I will do my very best, but that I can’t guarantee that I find something that lives up to her standards to 100%.
Post # 10
@JenGirl: True, the written word can sound very harsh! However, that was the only thing in the message, except from the last line saying that she thought I had posted a very cute photo of my kitten… And thanks for saying that you think they are in good taste, because I felt like they were all quite simple and classy and then she made me feel a little like the fallen woman of the village. Ok, I’m exaggerating a little – but I was honestly surprised by the reaction! I’ll do my best to find something that we both feel good about, but pretty dresses with sleeves are far in between – so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to please her in this case.
@megz06: I’m not sure what she expects at this point, before she literally said “Wear something with a small sleeve and don’t work too hard before the wedding – grandpa would not have wanted you to be tired on your wedding day”. So pretty lose and sweet up until the email. I’ll call her this weekend and talk to her about it. Perhaps she changes her mind a little if she realises that it’s not like there’s a ton of options on the market for dresses with sleeves.
Post # 11
Based on your advice, I called grandma and all is back to normal again. She said that she had overreacted and that I should wear whatever I want to the wedding. She even went so far as to give me an ok on the dress Evelyn. Not sure I’ll end up with that one eventually, but I feel better about it. It seems like she’s content as long as the whole back is not completely bare. I can go ahead with that for her sake!
Post # 12
I’m glad you got things straightened out with your grandmother. I love my Grandma to pieces and it would break my heart if she said that to me!
I loved the dress “Evelyn” the best! It is so pretty and the back is lovely.