(Closed) Upset with my BFF/MOH

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

That must be really frustrating!  Hopefully she’ll be able to come up with the money and be there to celebrate with you. 

Post # 4
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I would first let your friend know that you are there for her. And if it is possible. offer to pay for her plane ticket if she needs it. Or set it up with her to pay you back. Make sure she knows that it is very important to you and your FI that she is there for your big day.

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 It sounds like you still feel she is  good friend, but are jsut frustrated.  If this is the case, I would see what happens.  Pay her way, if need be.  Then keep in mind that once your wedding is over you won’t haveto deal with the shenanigans anymore.  And you’ll still ahve her as a friend.  (One day, she’ll hopefully grow out of this.)

If however, she asks you for money outside of wedding stuff, I’d put my foot down and stop being her ATM.

If you’re completely fed up with her (which I don’t think you are) you can put your foot down about the wedding, and tell her you don’t have anymore money to give/loan her.  So if she can’t get herself to your wedding, she can’t be in it.

Post # 6
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

Someone once told me not to loan money to friends if I wanted to stay friends with them; give feely what I could afford or don’t give it at all was their advice.

She is going through a traumatic time in her life.  She may not have the money to fly back for your wedding if she’s moving so far away to move back in with family.  And even if she had the money set aside, with these kinds of life changes taking place she may not have been able to keep the money in reserve.  You may have to accept the fact that you will either need to loan her the money or flat out pay her way to come back for the wedding.

Missing your bridal shower I am sure is not done with malicious intent.  Not all of my Maids came to my shower either as no one day is ever going to be good for everyone. As far as the hotel room goes, is there another close family member or wedding party member that might be willing to share a room with her?  Maybe someone who also could use a break on the cost?  Or are you getting married someplace near family where someone has a guest room she could use?

You said you’ve been planning this wedding for 4 years.  I don’t think it’s realistic to expect someone to save that long for your wedding! I probably would have waited until the year before to start earmarking funds for this event.

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