Upsetting hurtful way that invitations address bride

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I guess that some people are just traditional and old-fashioned. I address envelopes, postcards etc. in that way to married couples but inside I will use both their names. It is mainly because I am lazy and Im trying to save space on the envelope!

I don’t think I would find it hurtful to be adressed as Mr and Mrs husbands names, but I would not like to be addressed purely Mrs husbands names. If I am by myself the I am Mrs my name my surname with my husband. 

Post # 4
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I wouldn’t mind the invite being addressed to Mr and Mrs Surname but to have Mr and Mrs Grooms Name I’d find a little offensive! I’d never shame the couple who sent it as I’m sure it was done with the best intentions but at the same time in this day and age it’s quite an odd way to word an invite!!! For a lot of ladies giving up your surname is a big enough deal let alone giving up your first name too! Got to admit I wouldn’t like it. 

Post # 5
1080 posts
Bumble bee

I would actually love to receive a letter addressed to Mr & Mrs Jack Surname, and wouldn’t find it offensive in the slightest.

Maybe I could find this offensive that you have assumed all women feel the same way you do? Just saying.

Post # 6
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Tricky. I can totally understand your argument. However, it wouldn’t bother me. I guess the problem is that society has moved on but traditions rarely do.

Post # 7
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sure the guy would find it offensive if it was addressed to mr and mrs wife’s full name, hahaha. I can totally see why women would find this offensive. so outdated and patriarchal, I know what you mean.

I kept my last name and our kids last name wil not automatically follow the males’ side, so I’m doing all I can to combat the stereotype.

Post # 11
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@EMCasey:  Eh I agree! I hate that tradition! Mr and Mrs Lastname is okay, but I put on ours Mr Man Lastname and Mrs Woman Lastname. 

Post # 12
3349 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am with you @Miss Jackrabbit:  

I somehow feel that perhaps I am less of a feminist because of my lack of distress around this issue.

Nup…. still a feminist and still not bothered.




Post # 13
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just commented on a similar thread, I LOVE receiving post to Mr and Mrs John Doe, and don’t find it at all offensive! I would actually be a bit peeved (though not offended) to received something addressed to Mr John and Mrs Jane Doe or similar.

@EMCasey:  Your family don’t sound very nice calling her “stupid” for addressing her envelopes in the traditional manner, or making fun of her for being a Republican

Post # 14
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It woudnt bother me, I have better ways of spending my time than analysing what is written on the envelope. Mr and Mrs X. Good, that’s us, now rip that thing open and get to the interesting stuff inside.

Post # 15
311 posts
Helper bee

This is going to get ugly. I don’t find it offensive at all and can’t wait to get something addressed like that after I am married! Also I am a strong ass independent woman and just because I might enjoy a letter addressed like that does not make me simple minded or submissive! Or what do I know after all I am a republican! 

Post # 16
1080 posts
Bumble bee

@EMCasey:  I will raise my children to be strong, independent and secure in themselves enough to not get offended by something that wasn’t intended to be offensive.

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