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I am curious to see these pictures!
Don't worry - nobody will upstage you. It doesn't matter what your mom wears, it's a wedding, so the focus will be on the bride and groom. Unless your mom shows up in a white ball gown, you don't need to worry about her upstaging you!
Also, if there's one thing I've learned through this whole wedding planning process, it's that this day is just as important (if not more important) to my parents than it is to me. Your mom has probably been imagining your wedding since you were a baby. She wants to look stunning on this big day.
That is at least sweet that she is really thinking about you and does want to feel as though she is taking any attention away from you. I think she just wants to make sure that she doesn't act like this wedding is about her.
My mom was worried about this too and I told her that there is no way she could upstage me and that this is her only time she will ever host a wedding so I want her to wear whatever makes her feel beautiful.
OMG, I'm having a similar issue! I feel your pain girl, really, I do.
My Mother and I have been on a never-ending quest for the right dress for her. And just like your mom, she's young and stylish. So the MoB dresses are all "frumpy" to her. So one day we're looking at dresses and she complains to me that my grandmother (her mother) is making a big deal about her dress. My Mother says, "Why is she so concerned with how she looks? Doesn't she know everyone is looking at the mother of the bride?". I agreed at first because she's right, the mother is in more pictures and is more of a focal point than the grandmother. But then, she lost her mind. She further went on to say, "I mean, yeah they'll look at you, the bride, but for the most part they're like "ooooh, that's the MOTHER"". Wth is that crap? I didn't even have words. Like what is she thinking, she's totally not even like that. This wedding has triggered something I don't like in my Mother!
@jennifer - omg girl. I can't believe your mom said that! lol. Oh this whole planning process has definitely been an eye opening experience. Mostly wonderful but at times, just eye rollin' and head shakin'!
Wow! My mom is being the sweetest lady in the world about it, but my FMIL... well, let's just say I do halfway expect her to end up showing up in a white dress.
Edit: it cut me off! I was going to say, "So I totally get where you're coming from, I hope things work out for you! Maybe none of the dresses will be over the top?"
@jennifer- WOW! lol
Also-- I disagree!! I don't think people pay that much attention to the MOB unless they're doing something cr-azy.
I hope they aren't over the top. But when everyone (bridal party) is in eggplant purple and there strolls in the MoB in a sapphire blue dress...yikes.
I'll definitely post after we come back from the bridal salon.
I really don't think she will upstage you, no matter what she wears! My mom told me on Thanksgiving she was thinking of wearing a white suit. I was like WHAT?? She didn't get why I was upset, she had no idea you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding... unless you're the bride! She's going to buy a black dress now, thankfully!
Even if your mom wore something very attention grabbing, honestly I don't think anyone is really going to be paying attention. I haven't been to a ton of weddings... but I remember what the brides wore. I couldn't even tell you what the moms were wearing!
That sounds stressful, I'm sorry! I think you're right on about the internal battle your mom is having. At least it's an internal battle - there are definitely moms out there who unapologetically want it to be their day! Maybe there's also some concern there about beauty and aging - having a child get married can make moms feel anxious about their age and appearance, and the idea that she'd be *able* to upstage the bride might be her way of coping with some of that worry.
I know guys, it was like I was in the Twilight Zone! I really didn't even respond. She's totally not even like that! She hates being the center of attention, I had to convince her she'd want to get her hair and make-up done. But now, she's become a Momster! Lol. I hope she says that to someone else and they tell her how many ways that doesn't make sense! Since I couldn't do it.
I know what you mean. I've been so consumed with what I'm wearing and what the wedding party is wearing that I didn't even think about what our parents would wear. Then all the sudden ALL of them started asking me what they should wear. FI's Dad wanted to wear a suit and so did his step dad. Fine, but my Dad will be in a tux so you might want to rethink that... it came out more like "Whatever you want will be fine".
Then the Mom's started asking me what they should wear. And emailing me pictures. It's all fine, but I was slightly taken aback like: Help ME find something before worrying about yourself!! You know?
Oh, then my sister emailed me a potential top to wear to MY bachelorette party!! I was like WTF, it is MY party! Why are you being such a diva?? I guess my problem with it is more like I want MY outfit to be the most important as it was for all my sisters and friends who got married recently. I NEVER would have emailed a potential outfit to the bride b/c I knew I wasn't the 'star'. Show up looking nice and acceptable and let her shine.
yep, it sounds like your mom used to getting attention on her outward appearance, but I'd let it go unless you see continued behavior on Saturday or after Saturday
My mom had the opposite issue...she is very self conscious and didn't want to spend a lot of $ on a dress. So, her LACK of picking a dress was stressing me out, and my dad could tell. He was like "just buy something" to her. haha
I totally cannot wait to see pictures! Why do some moms make things all about them? They had their wedding! My mom hasn't even mentioned MOB dresses cause she's too panicked about finding one for me, lol.
I can't wait to see the pictures! At least she is a) showing you the dresses and b) letting you give your approval! I think sometimes for mom's it's hard to just step back and let your child be during the wedding planning process, especially if it's their first child to get married.
I'm anxious to see these elusive dresses, too!
But don't worry, if it's just a sapphire blue color, you should be good! Shoot, my mom wore RED and we had a light colored champagne-ish wedding. But, if her dress would've been crazy sparkly, i probably would've been like, "dude...." about it.
I always find it a little unusual when MOB dresses are more bedazzling than the bride's. I'm all for elegant, not "holy cow i'm blinded!" =]
My mom is kind of doing this too.
She even had the guts to ask if she could wear a white dress!
I think that moms just get excited about a reason to dress up and look really great. Let's face it, most of them don't get to do it that often. I know my mom is pumped to get a short dress to show off her legs (she's a runner), and I think she was subtly trying to push me away from blue bridesmaid dresses so that she could wear blue :) Don't worry... even if she looks like an absolute knockout, people will glance at her, say "oh she looks great" and then go back to looking at you. And I'll echo the other posters that say at least she isn't pushing for white!
I've had a similar experience with my mom:
My first opportunity to share my engagement with my family and to show off my ring came 10 days after FI proposed when my grandmother passed away unexpectedly. So after an emotional 4 hour drive to my parents home, I waved my ring around and did NOT expect my mother to look at her own ring and say, You know, I never liked this thing; yours is much prettier. She then proceeded to spend $10K to replace the diamonds & setting in her ring to make hers bigger, shinier and prettier than my brand new engagement ring. At the time, I was so upset about my grandma, I didn't think about it but as time as moved forward, I've begun to think more about it - especially after my recent trip home for the holidays and my mom is still harping on about how she likes my ring better and still doesn't like hers. Oh, right, and after dropping $10K on her ring, she told me she has no money to help fund my wedding and if we're in need of money for the wedding, I should return my ring b/c she has an idea of how much it cost.
My colors are black and white with a pink accent, at the end of October in the mountains. So I was a little surprised when my mom announced she'd found her MOB dress - an irredescent burnt orange strapless, short PROM gown from the juniors section of Penney's. My mom should not be wearing anything short, or strapless, from the juniors section. I took a deep breath and explained it may be too cool at the end of October for a short dress, and told her while I knew that irredescent burnt orange is her favorite color, it may clash a little with the pink in her flowers in our photos, and asked if we could take a weekend shopping trip to NY or Philly to spend some time together & find the perfect dress for her. She was touched. And hopefully no one will be talking for years to come about my mom in her PROM dress!!
I guess I've learned that my mom has had to face a lot of her own issues since I've gotten engaged: her own mom passed away; my mom has to deal with my father, who no one but me seems to have any patience with (the ring in question is from my stepdad); and my mom is re-living my childhood and what she feels she could have done better to prepare me for my engagement and upcoming marriage and in turn, facing some demons in her own failed marriage(S) and current unhappy marriage. All of our parents want the best for us, and on our wedding day, they want to show us off as the wonderful ladies they raised us to be - but they don't want anyone to forget how much of a role they had in that.
Maybe you could have a talk with your mom on Saturday over breakfast or coffee about her expectations for your wedding day (and marriage) and that will be really positive. If she feels more included or feels like she'll be recognized that day, she won't feel the need to wear something that will upstage you - consciously or not!
I'm having similar problems with my mother, except I think that deep down she DOES want to upstage the bride. Her first choice dress was white, and she was angry when I (nicely) suggested that maybe it wasn't the best choice!
Ha, I had the opposite problem. I had to convince my mom that she should wear something nicer than a sale-rack dress from Macy's to my wedding. And that I wouldn't mind if she wore a satin halter-top dress. Honestly, unless someone shows up in something they're spilling out of, or in a floor-length white gown don't worry too much. Everyone will know you're the bride, and that they're there to see you!
I actually think you should encourage your mom to wear this sapphire blue dress that made her feel like a million bucks, and that she feels amazing in-- if this dress was so special that it made her feel upstaging the bride is a possibility, it must look gorgeous on her! My mom wore a sapphire blue dress to our autumn wedding, and it looked amazing in photos. It's nice that your mom is trying to be sensitive to your feelings, but I don't think she should pressure herself to be "understated" with her dress-- I think allowing her to shine doesn't take anything off of you, you know?
It kind of sounds like your mom is trying to recognize that this is not her day, it is yours...but the way she is coming about it seems a little wrong. Don't tell your daughter you don't want to upstage her. First of all, everyone knows, the bride cannot be upstaged. End of story. LOL You are wearing the wedding dress. Moms are kind of weird. MY mom first asked if she could wear black. I said no, unless she felt like it was my funeral. Then she asked if she could wear ivory. Again, I said no. However, I think she was just trying to be funny, because those are two colors I NEVER see my mom in. Of course my dress is ivory and I am the one always wearing black and she gets on my case about it! But, then she mentioned it to my sister at my fitting last Monday that I said she couldn't wear black or ivory. So, was she really serious? I mean REALLY? LOL
I'm looking forward to seeing the dresses!
My mom is neither young nor fashionable but the MOB dresses out there are seriously bad. My mom tried a few on, turned to me & said, "I feel like I look SOO old! I don't want people to think, 'what a nice dress, she should be buried in it'." - BWHAHAHA!
For the most part, I agree with jhphi. Like PP's said, unless she shows up in white, there's no way she'll upstage you.
@ jennifer_espos - Dude, I feel your pain. I'll see your mom's comment and raise you one. My mother actually told me, "This isn't your wedding. When your daughter gets married, then you can have your own." I think she was only 1/2 joking.
Bees - thank you for all of your advice. It is always heeded and taken to the heart.
So we went. To the bridal salon. Yesterday. My camera was ready and guess what? We weren't allowed to photograph ANYTHING in the store. Bummer, right?! But, I did find a photo of the dress that was ordered.
Mom tried on the dress that was ordered (NOT the blue one) first. She looked absolutely stunning and I knew inside immediately this was the one. She looked radiant. Just like I want her to look. But we did have a quick exchange of words while she was on the pedestal waiting on our sales lady to bring back the color swatches for this dress. I ranted and raved to my mom about how much I loved this dress because it was amazing. And then she said it AGAIN.
Mom: 'well, I just don't want to upstage you on your wedding day.'
Me: 'Mom...NO ONE will be upstaging me on MY day.'
Mom: crickets...crickets...crickets.
I had to say it. And I said it with a slight tone so she got my point...LOUD AND CLEAR.
Then she tried on the blue dress. And for all of the build up for this darn dress. She walks out of the fitting room, her eyes all a glow and I felt my heart sink. I really didn't like it as much as the first. It wasn't as flattering on her. And thank GOD there were others waiting for their bride/friend to come out of the fitting room who also gave their two cents. And they agreed with me.
So all in all, while I only had to put my mom in her place once (thank god) we actually had a great time together. AND...I found my veil. YAY!
Here's my mom's dress. It will be in a deep cranberry...and I love it.
She picked a beautiful dress.
Honestly, she could show up naked and it still wouldn't upstage you. Was she fishing for a compliment or validation of some sort?
That is beautiful, but there is no way it would upstage you! And the cranberry will be lovely for fall. Glad that worked out.
Your mom picked a great dress! But your wedding dress is way better! ;)
Gorgeous! Great moms say the most interesting of things during wedding time. The very first ttime I ever tried on dresses in front of my usually perfect mom, she said "oh my gosh, Virginia, you are going to make the most beautiful bride after you lose 20 lbs"
Oh that's very pretty!
My mom had a hard time finding something. She's just unable to picture how something might look on her and doesn't have access to the best shopping. We live on opposites sides of the state SO I sent her emails full of dresses that came in her size and that I thought would look great on her.
She picked a dress, ordere and it's perfect (also cranberry). Thankfully that's another thing off of our to-do list. Woooo!
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Last night my mom and I met with a florist at Wegman's. After that we ate at the pub in the market. Mom, who I think is a stunning lady, has been on the hunt for her special dress for my wedding. My mom is cool, hip, classy and stylish, so a lot of the MoB dresses out there are just not her taste.
But she did find 3 dresses that I will be shown THIS Saturday. I can't wait. During dinner last night, she was telling me the she was telling my dad about this one dress that makes her feel like a million bucks. It's sapphire blue. I'm getting married in the fall and was kind of hoping she would go for a fall color. Anyway, dad saw a photo of her in the dress and really liked it too. Then she goes, 'so then I told dad that I was worried about one thing. I don't want to upstage the bride.' The bride = me.
In my mind I was saying, 'Are you f**king kidding me?' but what came out of my mouth instead was, 'Oh, don't worry, you won't upstage me.' Then I was told the other 2 dresses are an understated elegance. And she would prefer people say, 'Oh Barbara (not her real name), you look so elegant' rather if she had the sapphire blue dress on with people saying, 'OMG, did you SEE Barbara? WOW!'
I mean, are you kidding? My mom is the BOMB and I adore her. But through this wedding process I have been noticing that she is having an internal battle trying to come to terms that it's not about her this time. That it's about my FI and me that day.
I will post photos of these 3 elusive dresses once I see them on Saturday. So please stay tuned.