Post # 1
Today is my niece’s 18th birthday. In an hour and a half my entire immediate family (around 20 people) will be getting together to celebrate. I am still super early (7w2d) but I am seriously debating about telling my family if my husband makes it over before people start leaving.
Reasons to tell:
-My sisters will want to be told at the same time, in person.
-I want my mom to know, but once she knows, she will spill the beans to everyone. A secret keeper she is not.
-I will not see my family again until Thanksgiving. With so many of us, there are always activities going on that prevents the entire clan from getting together.
-Chances are someone will guess when they see what I have, or do not have, on my plate.
-My niece wants us to have a baby ASAP. She knows we are TTC. She went out and bought us a fertility book.
Reasons not to tell:
-It is still early, a lot can happen.
-Once word gets out, it may spread like wildfire.
-We weren’t planning on telling anyone until 13 weeks.
-I do feel weird about making an announcement at someone elses party BUT we are a very low-key family and I know my niece will be excited.
So, what would you do?
(For the record, I would give my niece a card with “Congratulations, you are going to be an honorary aunt” written on the inside that will be passed around. She has been saying she wants to be an “aunt” not a “cousin” since she is so much older. I think she will feel special to be the first to know.)
Post # 3
If you were already planning on 13 weeks due to normal considerations I wouldn’t announce today. You’re right when you say a lot can happen!
Post # 4
@MissTatas: I think that would be selfish and basically completely stealing the attention away from your niece on her birthday. As a beautiful, blessed, intelligent grown woman, you can let an 18 year old have a whole day to herself to shine, and find another time to share your wonderful news. Sharing today would not be classy and would project an “it’s all about me attitude”.
Post # 5
I’d wait! But that’s just me, I won’t be revealing if/when I get pregnant until after the first trimester.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t because it’s your niece’s day. Not only is it her birthday, it’s her 18th Birthday. The focus should really be on her today. I know your motives wouldn’t be selfish and it would be more practical to announce today but yet, it wouldn’t be the best thing to do. I think it is always inappropriate to make a personal announcement at soemone else’s celebration.
Post # 7
Agree with the others – this is her 18th bday, don’t steal the thunder.
Post # 8
@FLBlonde93: I understand how it would seem that way. I would play it by ear and see how it goes- obviously if she was soaking in the spotlight I wouldn’t say anything. Typically, my niece does not like ot be the center of attention. And our family is very low-key, the birthday party is pot luck style and most likely more of an open house than a formal affair. I would never consider it if I thought it would, in any way, hurt her feelings or take something away from her. We live six blocks away from each other and spend a lot of time together, she is basically one of my best friends, so I feel like I have a good handle on how she would react.
Post # 9
I would wait simply because it is early and I personally would not want to steal anyone’s thunder. You only turn 18 once and I think it should be left as her special moment. Today with the invention of such things as skype and face time, you can still tell everyone at once.
Post # 10
I would wait. like you say, a lot can happen (hoping that it doesnt!) and stealing the thunder of your niece, even if she is excited, wont earn you any points. I think announcing later, or even at thanksgiving (thats a while away though) when there isn’t supposed to be a focus on a specific person, would be best.
Maybe you could set up a skype announcement or something? if its really difficult to get everyone together,
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 11
its too early. its one thing to tell parents and maybe siblings, but do you really want to explain to 20 people (and anyone theyve told) if god forbid something happens. i would wait until thanksgiving to be safely past first trimester and give people an extra reason to be thankful.
also even if she is excited to be an ‘honorary aunt’. the day is about her and if you announce youre pregnant you will be taking all of the attention away. thats not cool
i dont think people will notice what youre eating, but if you think they will notice you arent drinking….fill a beer bottle with water (or just carry it around and get your SO to dirnk it) or get a ‘mixed’ drink that looks like could have alcohol
Post # 12
@MissTatas: You might think she wouldn’t mind, but she very well could and would never say anything. Bottom line – this isnt an appropriate time to announce. You’re only 7 weeks and it’s someone else’s day. Plan a family BBQ or something in 4 weeks and announce then.
Post # 13
Why would people guess based on what is on your plate? Is this an alcohol-only party? You could also carry around a glass of something that looks like alcohol, which would certainly quiet any suspicious aunties…
ETA: If it is an alcohol-only party: can I come? 😉
Post # 14
@MissTatas: That makes sense! Play it by ear then! 🙂
JrzyGurl’s idea of planning a BBQ in a month sounds like a good one!
Post # 15
Thank you for the advice everyone!
I agree it is really early which is the main thing that is holding me back. However, I do miss being able to share the experience with my mom, my sisters, and my niece. For that reason alone if I do not announce today I most likely will soon, even if it is just over the phone. However, I know my sisters will be very disappointed if they are not told in person, and there will be some hurt feelings if I tell them individually (why did I tell so and so first?) or one will call the other before I get to the next house. Having all girls in the family can be exhausting sometimes!
The reason I would be telling all 20 people is because all 20 are literally in my immediately family. So only telling my parnets and my sisters isn’t really an option- even if I don’t tell the others someone will. Might as well be me.
They will notice what is on my plate because deli meat and tuna salad will be served which are favorites in our household. I won’t be able to eat them, family knows we are ttc, and they are on the look out for signs. They are a bunch of nosy people 🙂
Your advice has definitely helped (even if I choose not to take it). I understand completely how it comes across to strangers on a message board and if I was reading the post I can honestly say I would have the exact same reaction and same advice. However, our family nuances are different than yours and what may be appropriate or inapporopriate in one situation is not the same across the board.
I am still undecided what I will do and probably will be until the moment it happens. However, if I do ANYTHING today, I would first pull my niece aside, give her the card, and let her make the call. I would tell her that I am a-ok if she choses to share the news, or it is completely fine if we wait and I will call everyone at a later date to let them know. I am guessing she will be very excited and run around and tell everyone first chance she gets considering she drags me to the baby section at Target everytime we go (at least once a week) and has helped me pick out decorations for the nursery. But if she doesn’t, I won’t mind at all. We are very close and very blunt, so if she did have an issue will it she would speak up, but this way she won’t have to grin and bear it in case I have somehow totally read the situation wrong.
Post # 16
I would love to get everyone together but unfortunately it isn’t possible. Every weekend and even weeknights are booked. I know it sounds crazy but my brother-in-laws hunt, my 4 nephews are in all different sports, and my sisters and I all work different schedules. I am honestly amazed that everyone is making it out today!
My nieces feelings are definitely number one so I won’t do anything that makes her uncomfortable and if I have to just dial my sisters up and tell them over the phone I would totally do that over putting my niece in an awkward situation.
I am bringing the card so I am prepared but I also will not be heartbrooken if I don’t give it to her.