Post # 1
I am 21 going on 22 and a senior in college. My fiancé is the same and is also an EMT. We have been feuding with his family a lot since they have not been totally supportive about our marriage. And his mother does not like me. They are still contributing financially to the wedding which I appreciate, but I would rather have the emotional support. My parents tend to focus on money and make me feel like a money suck.
We are fairly independent. We live together and pay for rent and Cale and our cell phones and groceries, but our folks still do help us with school (which is cheap due to scholarships) and pay for our car insurance and health insurance.
Now here is what I need help with!
I just took an at-home pregnancy test and two lines popped up. Pregnant. It makes sense. I was just diagnosed as iron deficient. I went off of birth control about two months ago and we we’re not the most diligent. We are not in the best place to have a baby but abortion is not an option.
DISCLAIMER: I just took one test today. Waiting to take another, haven’t even told FI yet. But my head is swirling that this most likely is happening. I am happy. Not the best timing, but I cannot say I did not want to be a mom someday. Kids are not the end of the world, they just make things more complicated and difficult.
Now, what should I do next? How would I tell our families? We have been engaged for 14 months already, so we were getting married before this so no on. Can say we are only getting married because of this. I need advice from young mothers.
Post # 3
You’re getting ahead of yourself. Head thee to a doctor so you can confirm before you freak everybody out.
Post # 4
I know and I will. I am just freaked out myself!
Post # 5
Positive is positive; it’s very very rare to have a false positive. Honestly, I’m confused on how you are surprised… you stopped BC, and you still had unprotected sex. Either way, I guess just straight up tell them. They are going to find out anyway. I’m sorry I’m not much help!
Post # 6
Take a long, deep breath. Sit down and slow down. First, it’s okay to keep this to yourself for now. See the doctor. Spend some time talking with your FI. You don’t have to figure everything out right now.
Post # 7
Moved to the pregnancy board for you.
I say you take another test, just to confirm for yourself. Then, schedule yourself an appointment with your OB. Discuss with your FI about what you would like to do about the whole situation. You don’t have to tell anyone when you see those lines pop up. Wait, let it all sink it, you two discuss, and make sure it’s a viable pregnancy before you worry about what others think about it.
Post # 8
False positives are very rare. But you should definitely call your doctor and book an appointment ASAP.
First talk to your FI. He will probably settle you down and then as a couple you can decide how and when to tell your parents.
You should also start taking prenatal vitamins ASAP. 🙂
Good luck with everything.
Post # 9
Did not say I was surprised it happened given the circumstances. It is still surprising though considering I was told since my early teens I would have a difficult time conceiving due to a pituitary tumor. Just need some anonymous support right now since I obviously can’t and shouldn’t tell anyone yet when it is still not confirmed.
Post # 10
@Miss Grape: My first child was a surprise/ not so surprised! He’s a beautiful, happy, beloved 11 yr old now. At first, my family raised some eyebrows and had some concerns. I got some unsolicted, not-so-nice advice… but I carried on with my life, happy as could be, and here we are all these years later. Everyone with the worries and advice has loved and adored him all this time. It only takes a short while for them to adjust to the news…
Post # 11
I’d talk to your FI and work out a plan before telling your parents. Figure out if you are going to keep it, how you are going to support yourselves, and how you will deal with school. If it were me, I’d take winter session to try to finish early, set up a job forafter the baby is born, and push the wedding up. As my mom once told me, most pregnancies are unplanned, you or your parents might be upset at the circumstances, buts it is always better once the situation is taken care of/the baby is here.
Post # 12
@Lillindy: This exactly!
Deep breaths. Take another test and have a conversation with your FI. No need to bring the family into it just yet. I would wait until you go to the doctor to see just how far along you are and like a pp mentioned get some prenatals! pregnancy is a wonderful thing and you two seem rather independent given your age. Everything will work out just fine. it usually does.
Post # 13
Congrats, and good luck! Talk to your fiance, and get to the doctor. The rest comes naturally.
Post # 14
TAKE PRENATALS LIKE NOW! if i were you i would wait until after your first ultrasound for dating and viability to tell anyone. mainly because it seems like you could get some heat for it and its still so early that you want to make sure the pregnancy is gonna stick. i am sending you baby dust and congratulations!
Post # 15
@Audreysdance: I agree. I would tell them after the date when miscarriage risk decreases.
Post # 16
As pp have mentioned, I would wait to tell them after the risk of miscarriage decreases, around 12-14 weeks. It’s likely that they’re not going to be overly thrilled and you don’t want to have to rely on them for support if something happens. Start taking your prenatals, make an appointment with your doctor and get everything on track health wise.
After all that, when you have a chance, I’d also look into seeing what services your college provides for new moms – do they offer daycare etc. As you get farther along you can start to plan more about taking some time for your maternity leave, scheduling exams and everything else that goes along with having a baby in college.
Given your June 2013 wedding date, I’m assuming you were waiting to finish college before you got married. Are you still okay with that given that you’ll have a baby at that time? Have you put down deposits for things, sent out invites and such? If not you could always move up (Winter break?) or push back the wedding.