(Closed) Using FMIL and FFIL's Officiant? Feeling unsure about that….

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: What would you do?
    Use their JP and have them mention their anniversary at the ceremony? : (1 votes)
    8 %
    Don't use their JP but mention their anniversary in the ceremony? : (0 votes)
    Use their JP but don't mention their anniversary at the ceremony? : (8 votes)
    67 %
    Don't use their JP and don't mention their anniversary at the ceremony? : (1 votes)
    8 %
    Use their JP but don't mention their anniversary at the ceremony? And do a special dance? : (2 votes)
    17 %
    Don't use their JP and don't mention their anniversary at the ceremony? And do a special dance? : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    2061 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I assume JP means justice of peace or something like that? I kinda like the idea of using an officiant who has meaning to your FIs family.  Much better than a random person on the internet! Unless you are getting married a few days before or after their anniversary, I think it would be odd to mention your inlaws anniversary at your ceremony.

    Could you write a note in the program instead? It wouldn’t draw as much attention but still acknowlege their anniversary!

    Post # 5
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think your MIL is being rude in suggesting that the JP mentions that he married your IL’s and that they have been married for 30 years.  I feel that a ceremony is about you and your FI joining your lives together and committing yourselves to one another for the rest of your lives.

    I don’t believe that a ceremony is to give kudos to anyone for 30 years of marriage.  If you MIL feels that she would like you to mention it then you can mention it in the speech.



    Post # 6
    7315 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @Merrymarbles:  Your reasoning makes perfect sense to me. I agree that it would be very special to have the same officiant, and maybe even a good omen if you’re superstitious. And I also agree that mentioning the in-laws long marriage is kind of rubbing your parents’ current unhappiness in their faces, unnecessarily. If your mother in law is as sweet and supportive as you mention, she will probably understand this completely when you explain it. It probably never occured to her. And if she isn’t familiar with your parents’ situation, you don’t have to tell her all their business, just that they are going through a rough time and you don’t want to highlight that during your ceremony. If you do go with that JP, make sure the JP knows that while you are thrilled and honored, you don’t want any mention of the in-laws during your ceremony. I think your in-laws should/will find it meaningful enough that you chose their JP. The llittle benefit they would gain from mentioning them during the ceremony is not worth the pain it is likely to cause to your parents. I bet your FMIL will agree, and I think you’re being very considerate and reasonable to everyone!

    Post # 7
    4 posts
    • Wedding: October 2012

    This is an issue that you have to decide yourself because only you know how your mother will react and how that will make you feel on your wedding day (hopefully your inlaws will be understanding about the issue – they may not have thought of it from that perspective).  However, I don’t think it would be inconsiderate to your parents situation if the JP was to say something like:

    “This is a particularly special day for me because I had the privilege of marrying FI’s parents 30 years ago…”

    This lets all of your guests in on the fact that your JP also married your FI’s parents, but doesn’t really single your parents out by going on about their successful marriage… make sense?  This way, the focus isn’t on the successful marriage, but the neat fact that your JP also married them.

    Post # 10
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I would just pick someone who you are comfortable with.   The thought of doing something like that for family is nice, but sometimes its just not feasable. Really, is it very important for your FI? You never mentioned it, so I doubt he cares.  So pick someone else.

    It could be worse…my FMIL passed away 2 weeks ago.  FFIL wanted the minister who did her funeral to officiate our wedding. Um…no thanks.  It was rather akward lol

    The topic ‘Using FMIL and FFIL's Officiant? Feeling unsure about that….’ is closed to new replies.

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