(Closed) Using the ‘F’ word

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think a lot of people don’t like the word fiance. Some people think its pretentious and just shows off that you’re engaged. So I definitely wouldn’t take it to heart that he doesn’t use the word I don’t think it means anything.

Post # 4
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s probably a battle you don’t want to pick. I mean, soon enough you’ll be his wife, and I assume then he wont have a problem?

I don’t ever call my Fi my Fi outside of here. He doesn’t either. It’s just a weird word thing, I guess.

Post # 5
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

IMO I think you have every right to be upset. The two words are not interchangable. Can you imagine calling someone your fiance if you weren’t engaged?? Have you asked him why he doesn’t like using the F word?? Fiance is a word reserved for couples who are engaged, and I can’t wait to finally be engaged so that I can stop calling my SO my boyfriend. I get alot of weird looks, considering we have two kids together. I think you should definetly figure out why exactly he refuses to use that word.

Post # 6
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jenter: I would be upset too! You aren’t a girlfriend anymore. You are his soon to be WIFE! Have you tried sitting down and seriously talking about it? I mean seriously letting him know how much it bothers you and don’t tolerate the joking part?

Post # 7
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

A little. I just hate using the word fiance. I don’t. I say boyfriend of future husband. Fiance makes me feel like im 16 or pretentious or both. It’s probably similar for him. Its not your status he dislikes. It’s a word. If everyone already knows your engaged, its because he’s talking about it and you. I think the title “fiance” shouldn’t be a huge sticking point.

Post # 8
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

IMO I think you have every right to be upset. The two words are not interchangable. Can you imagine calling someone your fiance if you weren’t engaged?? Have you asked him why he doesn’t like using the F word?? Fiance is a word reserved for couples who are engaged, and I can’t wait to finally be engaged so that I can stop calling my SO my boyfriend. I get alot of weird looks, considering we have two kids together. I think you should definetly figure out why exactly he refuses to use that word.

Post # 9
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

If he put a ring on your finger and intends to marry you, I think you need to let it go. I hate the word too, although i don’t resort to calling my fi “boyfriend”… but regardless. This is a short-term annoyance and its really not worth fighting over imo.

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

 I was engaged once before and that guy didn’t like the word “fiance” either. I brought it up in conversation stating that it hurt me he stilled called me his girlfriend so then he started refering to me as “his old lady” i.e. “Me and my old lady went down to the bar last night…”  I would keep my mouth shut in fear of creativity 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Maybe it’s silly, but I feel the same way as you. I think being engaged is more commited than being a girlfriend. My FI thinks fiance is a weird or girly word, so he actually introduces me or refers to me as his wife even though we won’t be married until April. At first though he called me “girlfriend” a few times out of habit, but has now switched over.

Try not to look into it too much if this is the only thing bothering you. If there are other red-flags than I would be wary. Does he seem like a little bit of a commitment phobe? Does he show signs of being withdrawn? Is he not excited about the wedding? If you said yes to any of these things than MAYBE you should be concerned. If not, than it’s probably just some silly regarding him getting used to the idea.

Post # 12
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

FI will sometimes call me his “wife-to-be” because he also hates the word “Fiancé”.  We joke about the Beyonce thing, too.

 

Post # 13
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

No, it would really bother me too. Keep talking to him about it because in reality, that is all you CAN do. I am very passive agressive so I would start calling him my close friend to people and see how he takes that so that maybe he understands how you feel. But I am NOT reccomending you should do that. It is just how I would react because it doesn’t sound like he really understands.

Post # 14
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@jenter:  He said, “look everyone we know in the league knows we’re engaged already, so it doen’t matter and the two words are interchangeable.”

Well, first and foremost, the words are not at all interchangeable – they have two completely different and distinct meanings.  A girlfriend can be anyone you met last week or someone you’ve been living with for years.  A fiancee’ is someone you’re marrying and have made a commitment to spend the rest of your life with. 

This would bug me too.  Perhaps you can explain it to him like this – as his “girlfriend” you had no more social status than any other girl he dated previously.  As his fiancee’ – you do.  It tells people you are an important person in his life and future where a girlfriend is likely not. 

I will say that I think women tend to analyze this sort of thing waaaaay more than men do and its quite possible its really just a habit for him or there’s something about the word that bugs him that has nothing to do with his feelings about you or the upcoming marriage.  But you know your guy best – ask yourself if your gut is telling you if this is just the way he is or if its an indication of something else. 

Post # 15
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You have no idea how many people feel the way your FI does. My FI and I felt pretty weird about it at first… it’s just such a pretentious, “Hey look at me I’m getting married, I’m special” kind of word.

When I was interning at Anthropologie over the summer, there were a couple ladies I worked with who got engaged, and we all had a conversation about it one day. Really, it’s an annoying word, but there aren’t many other options. 

FI and I got used to it. You only use it for how long? Like, a year at the most? I got over it and after you use it so many times it grows on you. 

I think that he could have easily avoided “fiance” in print by saying “my future wife”… face-to-face with friends is one thing, but in print… that would bug me too. 

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