(Closed) Uuuuh, what do you do when your BM’s a clepto….?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yikes, that is hard. I think you have 3 options. I’ll list from most confrontational to least. 

1) Kick her out of the wedding. This is only an option if you are done being friends with her (clepto-ness seems like a good reason for that to me) and if you don’t have mutual friends that would be put in the middle on this. Also, you better be DAMN SURE that she is actually a clepto. 

2) Confront her with all the evidence, and when she denies tell her that you hope she isn’t lying but that you WILL be paying attention in the future– particularly when she is staying at your parents house. 

3) Don’t say anything but make sure you never give her an opportunity, including not having your BMs stay at your parents house. 

Post # 4
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow…this is tough in every direction! I think that no matter what you do, you’re either going to allow her to be able to steal from you/your parents again, or you’re going to hurt her feelings so badly that she won’t want to be friends with you anymore. So, I think it’s a matter of, do you still want her in your wedding, and do you still want her as a friend. Obviously you care about her, but if she’s the common denominator in all of these thefts, then you almost have to confront her about it.

This is such a touchy subject though that she’s almost guaranteed to flip out at you and end the friendship. If you’re ok with that, then confront her. Otherwise, I wouldn’t let her stay at your parents’ house. She might even steal something from the reception if she can. So just be careful. Having her at the wedding may guarantee that someone’s things are stolen.

Post # 5
946 posts
Busy bee

I couldn’t be friends with someone like that and would kick her out so fast that her head would spin.

Trust is a serious issue to me, and I want to feel comfortable in all situations with the people I call my friends.

Post # 6
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think after finding a friend’s stolen cash in BM’s closet you & other friends should intervene. Your friend sounds like she has a serious problem if she is stealing from the people closest to her and she may need professional help. Do you think she has a drug, alcohol, gambling or any other addiction? This can cause people to steal money/valuables from the people they love because their addiction takes over their life. I would go into it from that angle. That you aren’t attacking her but you all know she has stolen from you and she needs help. I think if she owns up to her problems then keep her in the wedding but tell her you don’t feel comfortable with her staying at your parents house and will have other friends watching her at the wedding. If she denies it then I think you need to tell her flat out you don’t trust her and you have evidence to prove she did steal from you and other friends. Then maybe take her out of the wedding. By knowing she is stealing and putting her in your parents house and at your reception (where ladies leave their purses on the tables to dance, get drinks, etc b/c it’s a wedding among friends) you are basically giving her free reign for  her steal from your parents & guests (tough way to look at it but it’s true).

i’m very sorry you have to deal with this, it’s a difficult situation.

Post # 9
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You 100% need to tell your other BM’s. They have a right to keep their money and valuables safe from other Bridesmaid or Best Man.

I don’t think you’ll look like the chump. I think you’ll be the strong one that stood up to a friend who was doing something horribly wrong. She is ruining your friendship, not you and you need to remember that.

Post # 10
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Um i think you need a new friend. Friends don’t steal from each other. You need to talk to her, confront her….

and if you keep her in the wedding, let people know. Seriously, they need to know to keep their valuables safe.

Post # 11
307 posts
Helper bee

unfortunately even though you dont want to confront her about it you do need to work it in a way that you have heard that things like this have happened in more than one situation and that she has lost your trust. personally i do feel you should be removing her from the wedding party, and not letting her attend the wedding. it is just way to risky. think about at the wedding and the presents and cards that will have cash and giftcards in them. sorry, but you need to let her go and make sure all doors are locked.

Post # 12
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@ejs – “Um i think you need a new friend. Friends don’t steal from each other.” ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…… too true. Way to lay it out there.

Consider letting your other friends know that you’ll be confronting her before you do it, that way you can feel out how they’ll react. Or, you could always have a full on intervention.

Maybe move the sleepover to a hotel? You can leave valuables in a safe, and instruct the staff not to let her take anything. Say something about how you think there will be too much going on at your parents’ house with relatives in town, etc. And yes, I would brief your other bms on the issues, if they don’t know her. They have a right to know.

Well, actually, if it were me I would ask her to step down.

Post # 13
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You definatly need to confront her about it. It’s not fair to anyone else in your bridal party or your parents or even @ your wedding reception to have a KNOWN theif their. I think if your going to tell your other bridesmaids it’s only fair to you Bridesmaid or Best Man that you talk to her about it. She needs to know that you know what she’s been doing. I would also mention that other people have had money stolen too; don’t mention they think its her but tell her you’ve heard them say someone took money from them @ a party & you are assuming it was her. If you have to take the grunt of it then so be it. It’s the right thing to do all around. You can’t just secure your belongings and have everyone on edge around her. That’s like feeding the addiction. She’ll just go the next step further.

Post # 14
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If you can’t confront her, I would not invite her to stay overnight. I’m sure she’ll figure it out and if she does stay overnight you need to inform people of your suspicions. I would also be worried about how she is going to be on your wedding day with all of your gifts and checks coming in.

Post # 15
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would be very concerned about the card box at the wedding!  I would also be very upset if, as another Bridesmaid or Best Man, my stuff got stolen at a sleepover because the bride did not warn me of her clepto “friend.” 


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