- 4 years ago
I told myself that I wouldn’t get too worked up over getting a proposal on Valentine’s Day, rationalizing that my SO isn’t really the type to propose on a, let’s face it, cheesy holiday. I’d already been given the standard flowers, card, and chocolates in the morning, so I wasn’t expecting much in the way of gifts.
We had a dinner date on Valentine’s Day, but he would not say where, just advised me to dress for a nice occasion. I got dressed to the nines after spending the day getting a mani/pedi, makeup done, and a blowout. My manicurist even made a comment like, “Do you think he’ll pop the question tonight?” (not verbatim, but you get the idea). I just laughed it off and said I wasn’t expecting a proposal tonight, and I wasn’t. I had mentally prepared myself that it realistically, probably wouldn’t not be happening that night…though a small part of me held on to a bastion of hope that maybe, just maybe, he actually would surprise the hell out of me with a proposal.
I had coffee with my best girlfriend on Valentine’s Day morning, and it didn’t help that she kept insisting he might propose, talking about how great me and my SO are together, joking about how I’d better ask her to be my maid of honor. In fairness she meant well, but it psyched me out even worse. I laughingly told her that I still have some waiting ahead of me, and that I was OK with that – that this man is worth waiting for because he’s just everything. Inside, I secretly hoped she was right.
So fast forward to the date.
He’s driving me to the restaurant. My heart starts pounding out of my chest when I realize where he must be taking us. Yes: the old cliché. We were going to the very same place he took me to on our first real date. I’m instantly thinking “Oh my god, could this really be it?”.
Dinner goes by like a dream. He was falling over himself to compliment me all night and acting very lovey-dovey. When he took the initiative to order dessert I almost felt sick with anticipation, like “Will the waiter bring out an elaborate pastry with ‘marry me?’ written in chocolate script or something?”. Presumptuous? Yes, but based on how the night was going, it wasn’t wholly unrealistic to be wondering if he had planned something along those lines.
When dessert came and none of my predictions had been accurate, I almost let out a little chuckle. I honestly felt somewhat relieved, but a little bit sad at the same time. I was dealing, though, and it had been an amazing evening regardless.
Then, as I’m concentrating intently on finishing the incredible dessert plate – I shit you not – he smiles, and pulls a small, robin’s egg blue box with ribbon and all. A Tiffany’s box. I can’t even describe how I felt inside for a moment – everything blurred. But, only for a moment. Because after a second glance I could tell just from the shape of the box that it wasn’t a ring. And it wasn’t. It was earrings.
I went from feeling over the top euphoria to fighting back tears, which was devastating because there I was looking at gorgeous diamond stud earrings, sparkling like crazy in the romantic lighting, given to me by the man I love more than anything. And yet I felt so defeated in that moment and so disappointed in myself for allowing my hopes to soar so high. I held myself together until we left the restaurant, gushed about the earrings and how I couldn’t wait to see how they looked on me. Privately, I was wondering if he was playing mind games with me and trying, purposefully, to get my hopes up and then crash then down.
I was silent on the car ride home, much to his confusion. I just couldn’t play pretend, so I kept my mouth shut.
As soon as we got home, I put my purse on the kitchen counter, sat down, and cried. Like I had never cried before, really. I was overwhelmed with almost a sense of mourning, and total loss. Of course he was very concerned and immediately asked what was wrong, and bees, I just let it all out. Told him I loved him desperately and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and that I couldn’t go on feeling like our future was “up in the air”. I flat out asked him if he had intentionally played mind games with me by giving me something that almost looked like a ring box after seemingly staging the scene for a perfect proposal and he was kind of shocked. In that moment I felt bad for even saying that, but it turned out to be a good thing because in the end he did understand where I was coming from. I made it clear how much I appreciated the date and the earrings, but that the whole thing had sent me through the ringer of emotions. And it led to us having a serious talk – “THE talk”.
So now I have some amazing news that I am overjoyed to share: we have set a proposal timeline, with him agreeing to officially propose in October (my favorite month!) of this year. He apologized for the way things had seemed like a proposal setup and told me without wavering that he wanted to make me his wife. I almost fainted, I was so happy! Never felt anything like it…it was like everything collapsed around me. Needless to say, he got an incredible Valentine’s Day gift from me that night, lol.
I am just beyond thrilled to finally be able to officially start planning, and to have a firm timeline in place. It’s just a huge weight off of my shoulders – I can’t WAIT to marry the absolute love of my life…the love of all of my past lives…my twin flame. This was meant to be.