(Closed) Valentine's Letdown

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do? Would you be scared?
    Yes, I would be disturbed by this and yes, I would bring it up : (7 votes)
    4 %
    Yes, I would be disturbed by this but I wouldn't bring it up unless it happens again : (14 votes)
    7 %
    No, I would assume that he was just under the gun at work and this was a one-time thing : (46 votes)
    23 %
    I am not sure if this would disturb me : (22 votes)
    11 %
    I would bring it up just to get more information-- it can't hurt : (25 votes)
    13 %
    I would try to let it go because he's human, and makes mistakes : (39 votes)
    20 %
    I don't care about Valentine's Day, so this would not bother me : (18 votes)
    9 %
    I don't care about Valentine's Day, but an abrupt change on any visit would bother me : (23 votes)
    12 %
    The fact that this happened on Valentine's Day would make me even MORE worried : (5 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @fingerscrossed:  

    As long as he treats me well, I can let one day slide.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    I really don’t see this as a bad sign. I mean, you were given an expensive ring so that’s a big gift. And if he’s as stressed as you say, I mean… chances are he’s just under a LOT of pressure and dealing with changes in his life. When you live together, you can work on keeping the house together, but maybe he just got overwhelmed during and leading up this visit?

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m not sure what you mean by “treated you differently” – do you just mean that he didn’t buy flowers/wine/coffee creamer? I mean, those are nice things but they are just THINGS. How was he with you – I mean, was there the same level of touching, intimacy, quality time together? Were the conversations the same? THAT’S the kind of thing I’d be worried about if there was an abrupt change there.

    I can see the whole gift thing just being typical dumb guy logic – your gift is the ring, so he thought he was “off the hook”, which sounds like half the guys I know lol.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @fingerscrossed:  

    Its probably a mix of work and the distance. I am sure he still cares about you.

    Post # 8
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    as a fellow LDR, i can understand how precious the limited time we have together with our SOs. if the visit shocked and worried you, maybe you could just ask him gently whether he is under a lot of stress, what you could do to help, rather than going straight into an accusation? i’m not the most patient of people and i’m sure in your shoes i would have been upset, but with his track record i’m sure it is general strain rather than specifically to do with your relationship. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    9063 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I live with my husband and he didn’t get me anything. It’s no big deal. I didn’t get anything for my birthday or Christmas, either. I’m just not the kind of person to expect anything (Although I was a little bummed.)

    If you were expecting something and are bummed, talk to him about it.

    If you weren’t expecting something and is bummed, I guess it’s something you need to figure out on your own. Not really sure what to tell you. I wouldn’t take it as a bad thing, though.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5786 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    If he is stressed at work that could explain a lot. When I am stressed by work it definitely bleeds into our personal life. I’d cut him some slack unless this becomes a pattern of behavior. You’re going to be his partner in life and sometimes it is not going to be great/awesome/romantic, sometimes he’s going to need you to be understanding and this might be ones of those times.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    @fingerscrossed:  Hmm. Yeah, that would definitely worry me – I’m LDR too, so I totally understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s worth discussing. He can’t deny that the behaviour was different this time around, and hopefully it can be cleared up with a serious talk without too much drama. I wish you luck, chica!

    Post # 13
    Member
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @fingerscrossed:  I would just talk to him about his transition..how work is going and such. If he doesn’t provide too much insight as to why he forgot, I would tell him how I like it when he does x, y and z before I come to see him, that it makes me feel special and he’s looking foward to seeing me.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2462 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    you should be able to talk openly about this kind of stuff together–I’d just ask him what’s going on. not an accusatory way, but that you were disappointed that it felt like he wasn’t as excited to see you as he usually is. that big of a change would strike me as really weird too. it could just be work but still, there’s no reason to bottle this up instead of having an honest discussion.

    The topic ‘Valentine's Letdown’ is closed to new replies.

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