Post # 1
DH and I got into a bit of an argument last night. It started off with him telling me that our brother in law got a vasectomy. So it got me thinking, what is our plan for when we are done having kids? And he said well I am not having that procedure done. And I said why not? He said bc I don’t want to do anything to my body that unnatural. He said why can’t you have the procedure done And I said its a lot more invasive and the recovery time is longer and I also said that it would be fair for him to get the procedure done since I will have carried our future childreb for 9months and give birth. That last comment really made him mad, and he said why should it be about balance? And I said well why can’t it be? I don’t want to be on the pill for the rest of my life.
So i ended up going to bed and we got nowhere with the argument. We havent even started TTC yet. It was just something I brought upbc of our BIL
So ladies, whats your plan for when you are done having kids?
Post # 2
I am not sure where you are but where I am from a hysterectomy is not done as a contraceptive procedure. It is a radical surgery and has a lot of after effects like hormonal imbalances. Are you sure you didn’t mean a tubal ligation?
Post # 3
Daizy914: My husband did. It was a no-brainer. I would have had to be cut open, but his tubes are on the outside in an easy accessible sack. He was in pain for one night and that was it. I hope your husband has a rethink because his comment was incredibly selfish. “Why should it be about balance?” – seriously?? And The Pill does something unnatural to your body, so there goes the “don’t want to because it’s unnatual” argument.
Post # 4
We’re kind of on a simlilar page. He doesn’t want a vasectomy, I don’t want a tubal ligation at all. Both can have complications, but the vasectomy is less invasive and an easier recovery. If it comes down to it and neither of us is willing, I guess it’ll be condoms for us until menopause, lol.
Post # 5
j_jaye: I am sorry, I thought that a hysterectomy was the medical term for “tube tying”
paula1248: i agree. The way he responded really threw me off. And i kinda felt like why cant he get it done? I mean I am going to he going through labor and carry babies for 9 months. Its not a walk in the park. I dont want to be on the pill forever. Its annoying to have to remember to take it everyday
Post # 6
Laurenplusalex: well i suggested that bc i told DH i dont want to be on the pill forever and i said i guess we will just have to use condoms and he got pissed about that bc he hates condoms. Its not the same. And i said well, somethings gotta give, I mean I am doing alll the work I feel like. I gotta take the pill, then carry the baby, give labor, like cant he give me a break and just do the vasectomy? Im not going to force him but in my mind this is what I am thinking and I know him, he is stubborn and if it comes down to the day where we are done having kids, I am going to end up being the one to have the procedure done.
Post # 7
Daizy914: No worries 🙂 Have you looked into essure? It is basically tube blocking without the surgery. It can be done in the doctors office but it is permanent so you have to be sure.
Post # 8
Daizy914: tbh he sounds a bit stubborn, at least on this topic. The pill and a tubal both have risks for you, while a condom carries no risk for him at all. It’s not the same as giving your body hormones every day. Maybe an IUD would be a good option for you. I personally do not want one because they stop a fertilized egg from implanting, but they may be a good option for you since they are long term and not a surgical procedure. I am likely going on the pill soon for treatment of PMDD, but I refuse to be on it for 25+ years. It can cause clots, strokes, etc, especially in users over 35. A condom will cause FI no harm, just a little less pleasure.
Post # 9
Daizy914: ohhh… wow…. that’s mean of him!
Maybe you should explain that a hysterectomy is major abdominal surgery, whereas the snip, well… isn’t. Besides if you were to have it done not only would you never menstruate or regulate regualrly again, you’d be at a higher risk of prolapse, urinary tract infections, and breast cancer; for the rest of your life! A vacectomy doesn’t have any side affects other than the obvious required one of no sperm in the seminal fluid. But everything else functions the same.
Alternatively there is always the hormonal coil? But it still means you taking control of the contraception…….
Post # 10
I had posted a thread about this several months ago, since my husband and I are done having kids. Neither of us is quite willing just yet to get tubes tied or a vasectomy. So here I am, with 2 kids, turning 37 on Saturday and still on my regular birth control. I am not gonna be happy at this situation continuing until menopause (another 10 years or so?) It is hard to take the step.
Post # 11
We’ve never had the discussion, but I would not undergo major, highly invasive surgery without a serious medical necessity. A vasectomy is a fairly brief, non-invasive procedure. I would encourage DH to have it done if we went that route, and I would certainly take care of him and pamper him after. To me, it’s not about balance, but the unnecessary medical risks you would undergo with a hysterectomy or a tubal ligation.
Post # 12
Laurenplusalex: i didn’t know that about BC.
Sparkidoodle: I did but I am not that educated in the topic, I would have to do some more research. I mean this only came up bc of BIL, so we are talking about something that will possibly happen years from now, but I am just upset with his reaction to want me to undergo this type of procedure instead of him because there are way less risks for a vasectomy.
j_jaye: i am going to look into this and keep in the back of my mind for the future. thank you so much!
Post # 13
Not exactly in your situation… But I read this best of craigslist post a while ago and this thread made me think of it. i think it could also be as a man he is worried about losing his manhood or something. I know that doesn’t really happen, but to a man it can be terrifying To think about someone cutting into your balls. Maybe do some research together about both procedures, pros and cons and what not. The best thing is to work together on it and not wait until you’ve already had the kids to decide.
Whatever you do don’t let him see that CL post though lol
Post # 14
I’d be pretty upset with DH if he flat out refused a vasectomy like that. I’ve been on birthcontrol our entire relationship when we weren’t pregnant/baby making. It’s always been up to me…and I have a really hard time with birthcontrols. They cause all sorts of problems.
Your point that you’re the one birthing the children, to me, is valid. Why does it have to be left to you to also have surgery to prevent them once you guys are done? Even a tubal or Essure procedure is harder on you than for most men getting a vasectomy.
I know it’s a scary thought for a many to have anyone down there snipping away, heck, my DH is terrified about getting a vasectomy when the time comes, but he’s going to do it, without me nagging. He saw what I went through in childbirth, and figures he can do his part.
Relationships are about compromise. Remind your spouse of that.
Post # 15
My husband had a vasectomy. It took less than twenty minutes and he was back up and around fully in a day. I watched the whole thing and it was no big deal, even he says that and highly recommends it any time it’s come up. Best $79 (after insurance) we’ve ever spent.