- 8 years ago
- Wedding: February 2011
So I have made my menu known to several friends and family members. Word has spread, and I’m getting all kinds of surprising/shocking/annoying/downright nasty feedback. I’m not doing anything radical. I’m offering a vegetarian alternative. I have light and healthy menu items. I’m probably shelling out money for more food than my 250 guests will even need, but it’s okay because Fiance and I love our guests and want them to feel pampered.
Instead, about 9 of them are pissed off.
Heart Attack Hysteria:
Two nights ago, my aunt calls me and asks if I’m going to offer anything ‘light’ to eat at my wedding in February, because she’s concerned that winter foods = fat, fat, fat. My uncle just had a heart attack in March, and he’s struggling to lose 75 pounds. I assured my aunt that there would be plenty of nutritious items to consume that night, and not to worry.
An hour later, I get an email of ‘Hearty Healthy Recipes’ in an attachment. The message itself is from my aunt, one line: “Possible wedding dinner inspirations.” Uh. Okay. I don’t respond, and tonight she calls me again and yells at me for mentioning that I’ve already picked my menu and if my uncle wants a special dinner, he should go vegetarian. She then called my mother and got really huffy with her.
Nuts and Berries Will KILL ME:
My FI’s cousins are allergic to nuts and berries, and when they found out that I’m offering a couple of items with legumes and strawberries, they called Fiance with concern. He assured them that their plates will not be ‘contaminated’ with anything that could potentially make them ill, but the three of them are not convinced that the people in the kitchen will be able to keep their meals free and clear, and are wondering if we can ‘do something to fix it, because we don’t want anyone to accidentally eat some nuts and end up dying at the reception.’ Cue me muttering, “Yeah, how ’bout you don’t eat?” under my breath while Fiance tries to calm one of the cousins down on the phone.
Nobody Should Ever Eat Animal Products, You SLUT:
Here’s what has me all pissed off and livid and ready to go all Uma Thurman in Kill Bill on someone.
FI’s other cousin/random relative (I can’t really remember how they’re related), who he rarely ever sees, his wife, and their two children (seventeen and nineteen) have all become hardcore vegans. We had no idea they were anti-animal products until we were rudely informed about it this morning, when the cousin’s wife called Fiance for the first time in a year. NICE.
In a nutshell, she goes: “With the exception of vegetables, which could very well be cooked in butter for all we know, there is not one. Single. THING. we can eat at your wedding. Why didn’t you take us into consideration? A vegetarian option is an insult when you offer a side that’s probably swimming in animal fat! What are you thinking? How am I supposed to nourish my children and teach them to eat planet-friendly food when our own family refuses to recognize and respect our dietary lifestyle? And you’re serving RED MEAT? Do you have any idea what that does to your body, especially your heart and sex organs? Meat makes you crazy, and it destroys your ability to properly experience an orgasm, which is probably why most meat eaters sleep around with anyone that comes in their path, in a desperate attempt to satisfy their suffering body’s urges for sensations that have been muted by cow carcasses. You should cut that out of your diet if you know what’s good for you.”
I am NOT even making that up. Those are direct quotes. I just edited out my attempts at rebuttal, because she cut me off every time.
Has anyone else had family members act as if your seemingly traditional, varied, and elegant menu is the food they serve in hell?