Post # 1
Both myself and my husband-to-be are vegan. We will be serving all vegan food at our wedding. My parents are vegan, more than half of our wedding party are vegan, and most of the guests for the rehearcal dinner are vegan. My fiance and I have both done extensive work for animal advocacy oragnizations. Basically, the only people involved in the rehearsal dinner who aren’t vegan or vegetarian are the groom’s family, who want there to be meat served so that “everyone will have something to eat.”
We live in Southern California, where there are plethora of delicious vegan restaurants and catering companies. And I honestly feel like all the guests would be totally satisfied with vegan food. I respect and appreciate that they are hosting the rehearsal dinner, but I also feel like it’s fair to ask to keep in theme with the weekend of celebration by keeping the rehearsal dinner cruelty-free. I am hoping for some advice on how to keep the peace while still keeping the rehearsal dinner in line with the core values my fiance and I have grown very attached to.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
I don’t think you can say that all the guests will be “totally satisfied with vegan food” if your future in laws are already complaining about it.
If it’s FI’s family, make him broach the issue with them.
Post # 4
I’m not vegan, but I do love vegan food and would personally be really happy with a vegan rehearsal dinner. HOWEVER — since you’re not hosting the dinner, I think the best you can do is have both vegan and non-vegan food. If you guys were hosting, it’d be a different story.
Post # 5
If you were the hosts then I’d say you could insist. But since they are hosting, I think you need to be respectful and let them have something they feel comfortable with.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
If they’re hosting (i.e. paying) then they can serve pretty much whatever they want. It sounds like they are well aware of the amount of vegans they would be feeding and hopefully they will provide food that is vegan. It’s fair for you to ask but when someone else is paying, they get the final say in what is served.
Maybe find a vegan kitchen to provide part of the food and then the FILs can order a meat dish from another restaurant/caterer. Serve it on a separate table from the vegan food so you don’t even have to look at it.
Another option would be taking them to a few vegan restaurants to show them what good vegan food looks and tastes like. You could also order To Go and bring it with you to your FILs home (or invite them over to your home) for them to try.
I prefer meat dishes but I have had really good vegan and vegetarian food (I especially like Indian) so I wouldn’t be complaining about the menu. (At the very worst I would try things and then hit up a cafe or restaurant on the way home if I wasn’t satisfied.)
Post # 7
@stillme: Do you think it would be rude to offer to host the food at this point? I would be happy to do it.
Post # 8
@laceymariesings: I’m sorry, this sucks. I know how you feel, I’m constantly dealing with friends/family saying they “can’t eat” vegetarian food. Like, um, you can’t eat this? Why? Are you allergic to anything that doesn’t contain animal products? I get that it might not be their #1 choice, but I eat my non-favorite foods all the time.
I was also super uncomfortable with having meat at my wedding, and I didn’t. I would talk to them and tell them how important this is to you, and possibly show them a sample vegan menu that would be to their liking. They might come around.
Post # 9
If they’re paying, I’m afraid they have the right to decide if they want meat served.
You can make suggestion, but not expect them to comply.
Post # 10
As hosts, your FILs should provide you and your family with a vegan option. However, it is not rude of them to host the rehearsal dinner at a traditional non-vegan restaurant.
Post # 11
While I may not be vegan I wouldn’t complain. To me it’s kind of like how I wont be having alcohol at my wedding since both my fiance and I don’t drink. I wouldn’t reffer to it as a cruilty-free wedding though. It sounds very rude when it’s being said like that and that’s bound to brush some shoulders.
Even if you do host it I’m sure they would still want meat there. I would talk to his mom and dad and get them to try a bunch of vegan foods just to show them that they wont starve. It’s just one night so it’s like having cheese pizza or meatless spaghetti for dinner. There will most likely be foods there that they like and I’m not just talking about a side of corn.
Post # 12
@laceymariesings: I’m not a vegan, so maybe this is a totally stupid suggestion, but… Do you think you could suggest a compromise and have vegetarian options? This way there wouldn’t be meat but there could be cheese, butter, eggs etc. that people who aren’t vegan would eat. Maybe the non vegan guests would be able to have something like eggplant parmesan or alfredo on pasta?I don’t know how much this goes against your beliefs, but it might be a good “middle ground” maybe?
Also +1 to the suggestion that your fiance should be the one to talk with his family about it.
Post # 13
@laceymariesings: Yeah, I think offering to host could be a good solution. I would just offer once, though, and if they say no, then I’d let it go. They may really want to host as a gift to you. I do think that they should be sticking to your wishes more, but some people are really weird about meat. It’s like they think if they go a meal without an animal product, they’ll starve….
Post # 14
@laceymariesings: I think that offering to host the dinner yourselves would be the best idea at this point. Good luck!
We are getting some backlash on our vegetarian & vegan reception, but since everyone who’s contributing money is either vegetarian or supports having a vegetarian meal, the haters can go to McDonald’s beforehand and STFU. (We’re serving pizza, not something like tofu served with a side of seaweed and mushrooms.) It’s a lot harder to dictate the food choices when somebody else is paying.
Post # 15
I think it would maybe offend them if you offer to host, and I agree with an above poster that I would not use the term cruelty-free with them. I understand it is important to you, but that comes off a little judgmental.