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Interesting thread.
What many of "the offer it as on option" people seem to miss is that you are asking a bride to PAY money to kill chickens, which is kind of a big deal if you object to it. Whether or not most of the guests are meat-eaters or not doesn't change that.
Meat-eaters can miss meat for 1 meal. Vegetarian generally won't eat meat for a single meal All the comments about guests being left hungry and needing to hit a drive through struck me as funny cause I generally leave most catered events hungry. I do not eat meat, but I eat everything else- I love cheeses and tofu and veggies and mushrooms and pasta and bread and cake. And yet I FREQUENTLY find that I am stuck with very little to eat at events. At a plated dinner I get a 1/2 cup of potatoes and a handful of veggies? So while it seems mean to say, part of me thinks if you are so picky that without meat for one meal you will starve, then by all means- hit a drive-through! I work at many of our church events and have to bring my own food as they offer nothing without meat in it. It is a bit frustrating, but I know that I need to bring food so I do.
My FI was joking about putting only veggie options on the RSVPs and then putting "meat available upon request" as that is more than most vegetarians get. He just writes in veggie please on RSVPs and I never know what I will get until I get there.
I think accomodating your guests is great, but if you object to buying and serving meat, then your guests can deal for one night.
I think that you should do what you want. It is your wedding, not your guests. Also if you find having meat unethical, I would not go against your values just to appease your guests.
There are so many delicious vegetarian dishes. I'm not a vegetarian or vegan, but my brother is a vegan so I have tried to incorporate more meatless recipes into our household's diet. My fiance and I enjoy finding new recipes for vegetables and vegetarian dishes.
I think that most people think that vegetarian food is bland but think of all the flavorful vegetarian Italian, Indian, Asian and Mediterranean dishes.
Let's be honest: not everyone is going to like the menu. But is the food why you go to a wedding? No.
I am having a tapas themed reception with food that my Midwest relatives find "weird" but that my fiance and I love. A lot of them have comments but I often go to their house and find their food unhealthy and unappetizing yet I keep hanging out with them. It isn't the food. it is the people and the celebration!
I'm biting the bullet and serving meat at our wedding (R and I are both vegetarians) but we're doing it because we are already doing enough "controversial" things, and we really don't want to stir up the pot even more. We are only offering one chicken dish, though, and plan to have a few veggie options. I figure that way no one can say we didn't include them, and I face only the guilt of the poor chickens. :/
I am doing a vegetarian and a fish option. i know some "vegetarians" eat fish. is that an option for you?My vegy option is lasagna and other pastas. what vegetarian options are you thinking of using?
remember.....it is your wedding
also, i would like to add that i posted a very similar thread when i was going to do all vegy and i got a TON of negative comments. everyone was 'nice' about it but told me the truth. when i told my family and his they all got really upset, so i comprimised and decided to offer a fish option..but this works in my case. i am not vegetarian but our religion requires kosher meat only. but fish is considered kosher so it was just cheaper and easier. your case is a lot different. if you are a vegetarian because of the way animals are treated, then you should go with your gut and NOT have meat at your wedding. I REFUSE to have meat served at my wedding that is not Kosher (for many reasons).
do what you want and what will make you happy!
Edgypeanuts made a GREAT point.
No vegetarian eats fish. A vegetarian does not eat the flesh of animals, and a fish is an animal. A person who eats fish and no other meat is a pescetarian, not a vegetarian.
For me, there was NEVER a question of whether my wedding would be entirely vegan. I am whole-heartedly committed to two things: not causing animal suffering and eating incredible food. I have been a vegetarian since I was 8 and a vegan since I was 13 and nothing disgusts me more than thinking about MY happy, wonderful day being the cause of the torture and slaughter of dozens of animals, and the consumption of ANY animal product--milk and eggs included--leads to the torture and slaughter of totally defenseless animals. Because I also love incredible food, my reception will have incredible food. We are having award-winning NYC vegan restaurant Candle 79 do our catering, and I have taken SO many omnivores to this restaurant and they've walked out very full and raving. I have no doubt that we can please our guests with their food.
There can be bad food at receptions and there can be good food at receptions. It doesn't matter if it has meat or not. Guests are going to like good food and hate bad food. I'm having an awesome team of chefs create my food, and it's going to be good. It just happens to be good food that doesn't incorporate anything from an animal.
But this isn't really the issue. The issue is that a bride should not have to compromise some of her most fundamental ethical beliefs because some guests might be close-minded. I haven't read the whole thread, but this has probably been said before: no one would ever be indignant over a Jew serving only kosher, or a Muslim serving only Halal food, etc. Just because vegetarians do not have a temple doesn't mean their moral convictions should be taken any less seriously.
I think it's totally fine to have a vegetarian reception. Your guests are perfectly able to get through one meal without meat. I know a lot of people swear by plated service but if you're planning on doing something "unusual" I might suggest having a buffet, or station style service.
Like, say you could have a make your own pasta bar, where you could choose and alfredo/marinara/pesto etc sauce, and then could pick exactly which veggies you'd like included.
Or even with a buffet, for example I know I hate mushrooms and uncooked tomatoes. So I would definitely leave hungry if I was served greek salad and stuffed mushroom caps. Would be good if you could pick your salad and then have a choice between a couple entrees.
Family style's a great option for that dilemma, too! And mushrooms are exactly the reason we're doing it, haha. They're such a love/hate thing! (I'm on the love end, but I know not everyone is.)
Everyone has the good idea of meat + vegie. I know that it wouldn't bother me for there to be no meat but I'm pretty close to being a vegetarian. My SO would not be so happy though, he and his family love meat. You could try meat+TVP. I posted about it in another post. It stand for Textured Vegetable Protein, you can half and half in in a dish, I have a good friend you does that it it taste amazing, you can't tell the difference. I hope this helps a little!
lilyfaith: I was just thinking about the mushrooms ordeal yesterday! I LOVE mushrooms. They're like, my favorite food. Candle 79 does these AMAZING cornmeal-crusted oyster mushrooms with an awesome creamy dipping sauce...but they haven't been on the menu in ages and I am CRAVING them like crazy. They are just so good that I'd LOVE to have them on the menu, but I know so many people hate mushrooms! I might end up doing options for all four courses...
I agree that it's all in how you present it. I have to be honest, as a meat lover I'd definately be groaning inside if I received an invitation offering Tofu and BOCA burgers, and would have a big lunch and not eat at the reception, which you already paid for so that is never good...
but if it was a make your own pasta action station like @SapphireSun suggested I wouldn't mind at all!
@veganglam - ohhh, you're making me hungry! There are so many wonderful mushroom dishes. I had Portobella Mignon at a restaurant the other day, and it was fabulous. It was made in butter, but could have easily been done in olive oil. It was served with heavenly grllled asparagus and risotto. Yum.
UPDATE: So I caved and we're offering a chicken and a fish entree. It turns out that one of my bridesmaids and I are the only people attending who are vegetarians (we're both vegan). I fought hard with FI, but in the end had to respect that this is his wedding, too. I'm not afraid of starting conflict with friends and family over my beliefs. But FI felt very strongly about the issue, and fighting about it was starting to erode our relationship.
Some of you may be thinking, "If he really loved and respected you, he would let you have a vegetarian wedding." It's not as simple as that. Relationships are complex, and he has already made a lot of compromises and changed his attitude far beyond what I would have expected when we met. A no-meat wedding is just too much for him. In the end, I am committed to marrying a man who may cause suffering to animals, but is responsible for saving thousands of human lives (sounds cheesy, but it's true). And I have a lifetime to win him over to vegetarianism. ;)
@MissDallasCowboy: I don't think anyone would have a Boca burger at their wedding, unless it was like a super-casual backyard reception and everyone was a vegetarian. And tofu is not just a cold, white block of nothingness. It can be made into chewy, flavorful things you'd be surprised at how much you could enjoy with a variety of marinades, sauces, and preparation techniques. See this makes me sad. Vegetarianism has gone so much more mainstream these past few years, cookbooks and good veg restaurants abound, and still people think we eat nothing but crap. 
We're having a seated dinner because our wedding is formal and I love sitting down and having several courses of good food brought to me. Food is really my thing. My guests aren't eating crap.
@lilyfaith: Your posts about food make me hungry too, haha! This isn't good, now just coming to the bee might result in me gaining weight!
@BubblyBride: good luck on that lifetime quest. ;) I'm on the same track! I'm really glad that it took about one minute of persuasion for FI to understand why I needed to have a vegan reception. I thought it would take a lot more than that! We have pretty divergent takes on veganism at this point, but he's come around on a lot of aspects of it since we started dating (of course me dragging him all across the country to amazing vegetarian restaurants hasn't hurt my case :P )
If your FI is a meat eater, I would suggest doing 1 meat option and 1 vegetarian option so that the meal represents both of you. Do you eat fish? Doing a seafood dish might be a good compromise!
I'm a life long vegetarian, but it was my FI who intially told the first caterer we spoke with that we wanted an all vegetarian wedding. I was completly little take aback since my FI is not a vegatrian (I secretly was wanting this but hadnt mentioned anything yet). When I asked him why he said "because, you are a vegetarian and everyone who knows you knows that is a major part of who you are, it would be really weird if you had meat at the wedding!"
So true. I was initally nervous about his gparents who are big meat lovers , but after causually bringing it up they acted as if that was a "no duh!" moment. People are coming to see your wedding, and while yes you are hosting a party for your guests, they want to be a part of a wedding that represents you, not a meat lovers pizza!
You can always go bridezilla on them and point them to the closest dining establishment (which almost positively is not all vegetarian) should they need a burger snack!
@veganglam...I'm sorry to have offended you, I was in no way implying that all vegan's will be serving "crap" at their wedding, and I'm sure your sit down dinner will be delicious...I was just making the point that it's all relative to what you serve, and vegan done right would be fine (not knowing the vegan diet pasta was my example of wedding delicious compared to boca burgers.) It is the same as if I wanted opinions on serving meat and you said you wouldn't be excited if I was serving chicken fingers but that you would be excited if it was filet mignon.
And just for the record, I didn't say, nor do I think, vegetarians and vegans eat nothing but crap.
@MissDallasCowboy--I didn't mean to direct my whole comment at you, but I can see how it might have come off that way, sorry. I was mostly frustrated by the fact that most people don't seem to recognize the variety and quality possible in vegetarian cooking despite the fact that it has become so mainstream as of late. Pasta is the sort of lazy fallback dish chosen by the average inept caterer (although, of course pasta can be done extremely well) when someone is looking to serve a vegetarian at a wedding or other event and it just gets really tiresome. There are infinite options and yet everyone just serves vegetarians some penne with a pile of vegetables sauteed in olive oil. Not to say that it isn't nice to even HAVE an entree at a wedding, but it takes extremely little creativity to come up with something better than that.
And I think my aversion to the idea of a 'pasta bar' has everything to do with the fact that every Wednesday and Sunday is 'pasta bar day' at my college's sole cafeteria and...it's really, really bad. :P
I have to agree with veganglam. Both me and my sister are 10-year+ vegetarians and we love to commiserate about the ubiquitious plain past with grilled vegetables. Why can't we at least get tomato sauce? There's never tomato sauce! Or pesto. Or anything tasty. I would MUCH rather have a plate of raw spinach and mushrooms than any standard lazy-caterer pasta option.
I try to be a "good vegetarian," meaning I don't preach, and I don't complain, or make a fuss about whatever food option I get. So it's weird to me that anyone would be super miffed about not getting dozens of selections of dishes at an all-vegetarian wedding, in case they didn't like certain veggies. I never get even one alternate selection in the event that I don't like plain pasta with grilled zucchini and carrots (not crazy about it, will eat it and not be upset about it) and I have never left a wedding to get something different, though I may have wanted to on a couple of ocassions. That seems a little rude to me. If the bride/groom found out where I was and why, I think I'd feel terrible.
I think one thing that can go a long way toward making your guests happy, whether you are having a totally vegetarian/vegan wedding or only have one or two special-order veggie meals, is telling people in advance exactly what they'll be getting. It's something I would REALLY appreciate at weddings I attend, because if I know I'm getting pasta-with-grilled-veg (though by now I've come to expect it), I will grab something on the way to the wedding or put a Lara bar in my purse. We will probably put something on our wedding website about the reception food. We're having some unusual food options, served at kind of odd non-standard meal times, so I plan to be upfront about it so my guests know what they're getting and can plan accordingly.
I honestly would really care if it was all vegetarian even though I'm not a vegetarian myself. But that is just because I'm fine with eating whatever. But there are those people that seriously eat meat constantly... I think for the sake of keeping the peace it would be a good idea to have at least one meat option... We're having one meat option and one vegetarian option at our reception.
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