Post # 1
So I’ve been super jet lagged and tired since arriving in America and I really haven’t had the energy to care too much about anything related to the wedding. Maybe I’m just overreacting now because I’m so tired, but I have to say, this has me really ticked off.
My aunt is a flotist and is playing our ceremony music, along with a guitarist that she hired to accompany her. I’ve never met the guitarist and she only met him when she hired him. He wasn’t cheap, as I understand.
She told me late last night that the guitarist invited his elderly aunt to our wedding and to the reception because she really wants to see him perform. Excuse me?! You don’t invite your relatives to a stranger’s wedding so they can watch you perform. Do that on your own time and your own dime. And for crying out loud, don’t expect me to feed them.
This guitarist and his aunt has better bring a DAMN nice wedding gift. I’m just glad we’re doing a buffet and don’t have to worry about having an exact head count for a plated dinner or anything. Two cousins have already invited themselves this week, which I don’t mind terribly since they are family, after all, but having some lady I’ve never met invite herself to my wedding just floors me. What on earth makes her think it’s okay to treat my wedding like some sort of public performance and then hang around later to eat our food?
I probably won’t say anything to the elderly aunt, but I’m definitely considering saying something to the guitarist after the ceremony is finished. I asked my aunt why she didn’t say anything to him and she said that if she did, he would probably either refuse to play or conveniently “forget” to show up and then she’d be screwed. Apparently, he’s a bit childish. I can’t believe that someone who calls himself a professional would behave like this.
Post # 3
This is why I’m not asking for “favors” from relatives, it always seems to screw me in the end…sorry you’re going throught this but have a wonderful day tomorrow and congratulations!!
Post # 4
Wait is your aunt still paying him? I’d be pissed. Hope they get you something really nice.
Post # 5
This would upset me too. I’ve never heard of such a thing.
Post # 6
@Edelweiss: WTF? I would tell him that his aunt is welcome to attend the ceremony to watch him perform, but neither of them are invited to the reception! They are not wedding guests – he is a paid vendor! Honestly I would not pay him if they attend your wedding.
Post # 7
No this is ridiculous. Put your foot down and you either contact the guitar player directly, or have your aunt do it. Completely unacceptable. If we wants to spend time with his Aunt, he can do that on his own time and dime – not yours.
Post # 9
Wow that’s just insane but don’t worry about it. If it was a plated dinner then I’d really freak out. I’m sure you won’t even notice her and it’ll be a funny story later on.
Good luck with the jet lag!! How much time did you give yourself to recover. You know, for when it’s my turn 🙂
Post # 10
@reebee: This is super unprofessional, but I think you can keep the peace by approaching it delicately. Let him know that his aunt is welcome to attend the ceremony and watch him perform, but unfortunately due to space restrictions you won’t be able to accommodate either of them at the reception.
Post # 11
Wow- the nerve of some people! Totally inappropriate for someone who isn’t invited to invite another person to your wedding- at your expense!
I’m not sure I’d allow that to happen.. What if his aunt wants to bring someone else to watch him perform too? I can see potential for this to spiral even more out of control. I’d ask your aunt to talk to them.
If you allow them to come, I would urge you to consider that their payment. You/you aunt are not going to pay him to perform, then cover both his and his aunt’s heads at the wedding. Nope.
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I would just go with the flute for your wedding, if this guitarist insists. This is not professional at all.
Post # 13
My aunt is actually a professional flotist. It’s what she does for a living, but she just moved back to MN after living on the East Coast for many years and didn’t know any other musicians in the area, so she just looked someone up. The ceremony music is her wedding gift to me and she is actually paying the guy a decent sum to come and play.
He has already been paid in full. For someone who has apparently behaved so childishly that my aunt feels legitimately concerned that he might just not show up if he feels insulted, I don’t think he should have been given full payment in advance, but it wasn’t my call to make and my aunt didn’t realise his weird behaviour until after he had been paid and she started practicing with him. And of course, she’s learned a duet arrangement, so for her to just play flute, she would have to get a flute only arrangement and sight read it on the spot.
Our venue is priced per person, so if they have to set up extra chairs, they will charge us for it. It’s likely that some people won’t make it (a few said they just didn’t know if they could leave work early enough to get there), so if there’s an extra seat, she can take one at the back, but if there are no extra seats, she’ll just have to leave.
I don’t mind if the vendors want to hang around for a bit afterwards to say congrats and have a piece of cake, but for them to stay for the whole reception and meal strikes me as rude. The only vendors who are allowed to eat as much as they want and stay the whole time are the photographers. Like, if you’re already being paid $500 for less than 20 minutes worth of work, why would you also expect to be treated to lunch on top of it and be entertained all afternoon?
I mean, I don’t want to be the bitchy bride or anything, but I resent my wedding being treated as some sort of public performance to be made a spectacle of for a stranger’s amusement. I’m having fewer than 40 guests and only invited people that I have a genuine relationship with. If I had invited 300 people that I only sort of know, I might feel differently, but I feel like a wedding is very personal and private.
Post # 14
Wow. Looks like he wanted to stay for the reception, and he figured he needed someone he could talk to, so he picked his aunt. Either that, or he lives with her and can’t go hang out unless she goes with him.
I’m just imagining scenerios, but I see him living miserably in his aunt’s basement. Hopefully they won’t flirt with your guests. on the brightside, they could be conversation starters among your loved ones.
I’m just trying to make light of an awkward situation. Best of luck to you.
Post # 15
Don’t allow her to be treated as a guest. If she’s tagging along with the vendor, she only gets to do things he’s doing. So no place to sit, and no paid meal. You didn’t ask her to come, so you owe her nothing.
Also, make sure you complain everywhere that someone could look up reveiws of him.
I just saw the part where he’s actually only playing at the ceremony. Let him do that, then when it’s reception time, kick them both out! He doesn’t get to decide what he feels like sticking around for.
Post # 16
Are you positive they’re both intending to come to the reception? I’d definitely have a larin uncle suggest they leave as soon as the ceremony is over. There’s absolutely no need for either of them to stay for the reception and certainly no reason they should expect to Be treated as guests.