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I ran into that quite a bit since I was planning "down south". While it's never something I appreciate, I've at least grown to see it as something many people (especially men) don't even realize they say. I have a co-worker who is in his early 60's who says it all the time...even though he's making an pointed effort not to after someone mentioned it to him.
haha no, not professional, but sometimes old people act that way, like they're your grandparents... perhaps he's old? :)
eh, i think it's a regional thing? i never had never heard someone call me that, but ever since moving where i am now (fl) everyone addresses people that way. i agree it's a little weird...
Lol he probably is an older man since he shares the same last name as the name of the venue. I don't really take offense to it, I guess it caught me off guard. Oh and this venue is in NY so I'm not sure we have the whole southern gentleman thing going on.
I think sometimes in the wedding world people use terms of endearment more often, at least from what I've experienced!
I second jingle, suddenly everyoone is happy for you and much more informal in the world of wedding planning as compared to event planning. That said, I used to work with an older British gentleman who always called me dear. I just get over it because, for me, it's not worth creating an issue out of and if people feel close enough to use dear, then they will hopefully be on your side when you need assistance.
Yeah that's pretty normal from old men! "dear" and "hon" and when I was in the UK, everybody called me "love"
I'm not a big fan of words like that coming from strangers, but i'm not exactly about to correct the gentleman bagging my groceries.
It doesn't usually bother me. It's not intended to be condescending, in most instances. My grandparents friends call me "dear", "gal", or "lady", and its never meant disrespectfully.
I can see how that would bother you. I have felt especially sensitive to things like that being a young bride, but I'm sure he didn't mean it to be offensive.
Heh, everyone does that around here. "dear," "sweetie," "honey," "darling," - I guess it doesn't bother me. :)
Oh and did I mention he is giving me 10% off, haha. Guess I can't let it bother me too much.
An attorney I used to work with when I was a paralegal always used to call me "kiddo."
Decide whether or not to get offended by terms of endearment vs. disrespect by how they otherwise treat and respect you. The intent is what matters. A word is just a word, which is easily let go.
@ star - I think you also have a good point. I've noticed that I'm starting to be less bothered by terms of endearment now that I'm in my early 30's than I was in my 20's. Although "honey" irks me to the extreme still!
Gotta be a southerner.
I don't know many people that don't call someone 'dear', 'darlin', 'honey', 'sweetie' or something of that nature - it's definitely a regional thing.
I always correct them in a nice way... Otherwise how are things ever going to change. I never get mad about it, but want to make sure that they think twice before doing it again.
That happens a lot here. I worked enough years (15) with the public that I don't even notice when someone does it unless they do it patronizingly. Then it P*&^$$s me off!
I'm from the south and I wouldn't find that offensive at all. But it depends on the term to me. I work at a Credit Union and I've had male members call me Darling before, that kind of made me uncomfortable. But to me they are strangers, whereas if you hired someone as a vendor you have at least a small relationship with them.
I'm with you and not a fan of the term. If I was on the fence on this vendor, that would push me off. Also hate it when a young boy calls me Ma'am. I know he's being polite but then I just feel old. If you are currently using the vendor, it's ok to kindly correct and say just call me by (insert name here).
I love when people use terms of endearment towards me. I'm 23, but never see it an condescending or anything. And actually, I love when people call me ma'am lol. Don't worry about it, I'm sure he's just being nice.
I'm from the south. We see it as a sign of endearment or caring. I take no offense to it. Now if it's said in a way that is just totally disingenious, I'd have an issue with it. Heck, I have had to stop myself before b/c i said that a few times to some of my patients who I wanted to make them feel at home!
And my son was raised to open doors for ladies and say yes ma'am and no sir!
Hm.. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and take no offense either. My Welsh jeweler calls me "dear" all the time. Actually, I call people "dear" sometimes too! I had no idea it could be considered offensive, like "babe" or something that sexualizes a woman. I call both men and women "dear." Hm... I'm going to have to be more careful from now on.
I guess I didn't realize this was a big deal. I am only 24 and have been called "dear" many times for many years and was never bothered by it at all. I am from Ohio so it definately happens in the North too. Kinda makes me laugh a little that what I consider endearment others get offended by.
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Lol not sure how to take it...I emailed a reception hall about doing an at-home recetion and he just emailed me back, "Here you go my dear".
Um not really proffessional, lol.