Weddingbee boards

I'm so frustrated right now.  I'm not using my usual name.  I wouldn't say that I've been desparate to get married.  I got engaged last spring.  Knowing that there would be another family wedding in the fall, I elected to wait to have my wedding.  I set the date back in July.  I couldn't get my first choice date, but am ok with the date I ended up with.  My sister, who is my MOH, is younger than I am.  She, unlike me, has been DRD (desparate, really desparate).  So, she finally meets a guy in Fall 2008.  They've never lived in the same city.  They got engaged last weekend and now want to plan their wedding for the day after mine.  That's fine, but I've already booked my rehersal dinner & my wedding events--paid deposits and all.  Plus, our parents have offered funds to me, but the only thing I've accepted was the payment to the church.  I don't care if she gets married the day after I do, but when she starts cutting into my Friday and Saturday . . ..  I mean, I told her she had a hair appointment for noon on my wedding day weeks ago (after she agreed she wanted her hair/makeup done--which I'm paying for) and she wanted to have a Saturday BRUNCH!

I guess I should add that dad wanted to discuss my "date" a couple weeks ago at dinner, but she and mom wouldn't let him.  I spoke to my dad earlier this week and he told me she wanted to get married the day after.  Mom asked if my sister talked to me.  I told her no.  Anyway, FI and I booked our honeymoon today.  We leave 3 days after our wedding and will be gone for 3 weeks.  I think in some ways, my parents are more excited about her wedding plans than mine:  I think they're going to pay for most of hers and dad gets to invite whoever he wants.  I limited his guest list.  Of course, if she gets married the day after I do, I'm going to cut a bunch of my parents' friends.  FI might not have booked the trip if sister had asked us to be around for the following weekend.

I've just told her that I will not be expecting her to help me with anything.

You know, I've read all these posts by other Bees about family members and never in a million years thought this would happen to me.  Especially since she knew why I waited until the spring.

omg i cant believe she did that, You have every right to be mad!

@littlemissmoo--FI doesn't have a problem with her getting married the day after.  I techically don't either.  It's just that I don't want to have to make changes to what I've planned to accomodate her.  I realize that's pretty selfish, but I've had these plans for months.  I figure I'm going to be stressed with my running around and don't want to have to deal with her.

I think she's using the "I don't want relatives to travel twice" as her justification.  I think it's just a way for her to get around her desperation to get married.  I told her years ago that I didn't have a problem with her getting married before I did.

Thanks for bee-ing so supportive.  I'm trying to be reasonable.  I guess what's frustrating was that I was looking forward to the time with my mom & sister getting the last minute stuff done.  Now, I don't even want to share any of the research/guest list with her (but I will--that's truly being selfish).

Of course, the only reason she even brought it up today was b/c I had FI post that he'd booked our honeymoon on FB.

She's usually not this unreasonable, but like I said, I think she's really desparate and wants to have a kid.  She'll be 40 by then.

@FutureMrs.Martin--when I asked her why she was in such a hurry, she never answered.  Of course, she never bothered to call me about this.  The discussion started with an IM regarding buying tuxedos.  I told dad that she could do what she wanted, but it was going to be tough to schedule it.

I think the other thing that gets me is that it's going to make me look bad/unwelcoming since I'm not inviting all the people my dad wants to invite.  My venue only holds 250, but ideally only 150.  People will know we're getting married the same weekend and wonder why they're not invited to both.

@Mrs. Louboutin According to my sister, parents think it's a good idea.  Dad was going to go so far as to see if the church would bend the rules for her.  I don't know what mom's view is, other than she's been wondering if my sister had called me.

I know exactly how you feel!  My sister's wedding is five months from mine and it's frustrating to feel like your own sister isn't 100% dedicated to your wedding because they've been concentrating on getting themselves down the aisle.

My advice to you is to focus on your day...everything will fall into place but the last thing you want is to be so stressed out about this "day after" event that you miss out on your big day.

@Mrbee--you know, she does have sort of a history of doing things like this.  She was certainly better in school than I am.  But when I went back to get an additional graduate degree, she actually told her housemate (who was first a friend of mine), "Well I can't let her have more degrees than I do" when she decided to go back to take classes.  I don't think she was 100% joking either.