Post # 1
….FMIL decides she wants to “help”. If you read my past posts, you will see that this is baloney. FI stopped talking to her in February after she said “I’m not coming to the wedding. I have no son.” She’s feeling the effects of that and now she’s put a bug in FFIL’s ear that she wants to help plan the wedding. Our wedding has basically been a taboo subject for the past year, never brought up or discussed at family functions because FMIL has a problem that I’m a woman of color. FMIL is Asian. When we did approach her about the wedding last July, she said she wasn’t ready and that marriage wasn’t something to play at and a bunch of other insulting things. FSIL is getting harassed by both parents about our wedding plans. Seems that everyone wants to help now but no one ASKS us about our wedding. They were quick to have us change the location from destination to local, and after that was done last February, it’s been radio silence ever since.
So 4 months away, they want to help plan. UH NEWSFLASH…the wedding has already been planned and is paid for. They still owe me $1100 from the cancelled wedding what makes them think they’re going to get any say now? They already used their “get out of jail free” wedding card and they chose to use it on the location change.
FI told FFIL if they wanted to help, they could help him with HIS expenses like clothing, honeymoon and my ring because everything else is already paid for and set in stone. No changes to be made this close to the wedding.
FI and I know that FMIL is totally bluffing and we’re going to call her bluff. I told FI to lets go ahead and set up a meeting so we can see what her ideas are. FSIL spoke to her and she couldn’t come up with anything to say as to what ideas or plans she had….hmmmmm maybe BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE!!!! She told FSIL that wedding planning should be easy for me since I’ve done it before (uh you mean like her husband did since she’s wife #2) and that she doesn’t want to invite people from her church because she “doesn’t want them to know”. Know what exactly? That her son is marrying outside his race?? I have half a mind to show up to Sunday service with him and sit right by her side.
Funny, FSIL told her to call me and she said no she wasn’t calling me. Okay then call FI. “No I’m not calling him either. They should call me and come to me out of respect”. OH GOOD GRIEF.
Post # 3
@WestieGirl: Ew. She sounds like a MAJOR B. I’m sorry that you changed your wedding location because of them. I would just ignore them, and have a BLAST at your wedding day. Also, you definitely should show up to Sunday service with him. Does she really think her son is going to hide his wife from the world forever? HOW RUDE.
Post # 4
Hugs, hope they chip in with his expenses.
Post # 5
This sounds like more drama than it’s worth to me. Politely and respectfully decline your FMIL’s “offer” of help, and tell her that you’d much rather she not trouble herself with being anything other than a guest. If you and your fiance accept any money from her, you KNOW it will have oodles of strings attached and that’s not going to end well.
Post # 6
@fishbone: Even if there was something left to help with regarding the wedding, I would decline it anyway. She doesn’t want this wedding to happen. Her offer of help is empty and without meaning.
I just want to be reimbursed for the deposits I lost when we cancelled the destination wedding as they said they would reimburse me. I’m stillllllllll waiting.
I specifically told FI to tell FFIL that the wedding was already set and paid for and that if they want to help, they can help HIM, not us. They can help with his clothing since FMIL’s brother sent money as is tradition but FMIL kept it since he wasn’t marrying a girl of her race. Yes she actually said that’s why he wasn’t getting the money that the uncle sent. They can help him pay for the honeymoon. FFIL is the more reasonable of the two but is FMIL’s voicebox since she’s always working and is never home. All meetings take place without her.
It’s going to be quite a few next 4 months.
Post # 7
Oh please turn up at her church! That would be priceless
Post # 8
@WestieGirl: I’m sorry to hear all the troubles you are going through. I think I read your earlier post and if I remember your FI is Korean?
I would forget about the money the family sent. You won’t see it or any money her friends give as a “gift”. I know alot of crazy Korean MIL that collect the cash during the wedding and the couple never see a dime of it. It’s sad but it happens all the time.
Just continue doing your thing and planning and just have your FI deal with his mother.
Post # 9
@mkim: Yes, he’s half Korean. His father is German. Funny how SHE married outside of her race! They’re not getting a guest list so she won’t have anybody to collect any money/gifts from. Names will be checked at the door as well just in case she does decide that she wants her friends to “know” and they just randomly show up. Nobody on my guest list would give her anything but a dirty look anyway. God help her if she goes near our cards. I have a friend being the DOC and she knows the story as well and will not put up with her nonsense.
@Cabbagefairy: I would love to!! I don’t think anybody knows where it is though. Nobody else in the family goes to her church. It galls me how she goes to church every Sunday but acts very un-Christian like in the rest of her life.