Post # 1
This post is just my venting to someone because I can’t say anything to the FMIL or the FIN and I don’t want to bad talk the FMIL to my mom. Me and my fiance are paying for the majority of our wedding on our own. We have asked our parents what they could afford and my dad came up with $1000 and so did my mom. This is more then ok with me. He mom said she would cover the rehersal dinner like the grooms family is suppose to. Well she is wanting to keep it around $350 for about 30 people. Maybe this would not bother me if I wasn’t friends with the FSIL when she was getting married into this same family and I know that the parents gave them over $5000 for their wedding. I know that the FMIL does not think me or my fin know how much her other son was given. I just don’t get how one son gets $5000 and the other doesnt even get 500. I know that times change and so does money flow but it still just annoys the shit out of me. They did move to a diff City but they both have jobs….note I am unemployeed and the fin is working two jobs to try and cover our bills and a wedding.
OK vent over.
Post # 3
I don’t think you have that many options here, TBH… without kidnapping their accountant, you really don’t know enough about their finances to really know how they make their decisions.Maybe they lost share income in the recession? Maybe they’re trying to clear old debts from years ago? No way of knowing.
I’d scale the rehearsal dinner back to what you can afford, and just be polite in thanking her for whatever they do give you. The rehearsal dinner is one meal, and you obv intend to marry their son, meaning you’ll be tied to these people, pretty much, the rest of your life.
A few hundred or even a few thousand dollars is not worth jeopardising that relationship for.
Also , you may drive that “they’re supposed to pay for” nonsense out of your head. They seem to be the most variable, flexible and easily thrown out wedding customs in the book!
Post # 4
@aunt pol: very well said!
Post # 5
@aunt pol: I agree with this!
Also, how do you really know they spend that much on the other wedding? Was FSIL bragging about it? A lot of people like to inflate costs to make themselves look better, especially when it comes to weddings I have found.
Also, when was theirs? Did FI’s family lose a lot of money in the market?
I think the biggest issue here is that you feel slighted and that you aren’t being treated equally to FSIL and I totally understand that. I think that this point, the only thing you can do is perhaps talk to FI to see if there is a reason for the smaller amount (if it actually is a smaller amount) and also mention that your feelings are a bit hurt that they spent a significant amount more on the other rehearsal dinner because you feel like they are placing her above you. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this and I hope it works out! HUGS!
Post # 6
Oh this was totally taken wrong I think. I totally want to pay for the bulk of things myself. AND his mom is the one that said they are covering it because that is their duty. I have tried to say they don’t have to do it. I know how most of the other wedding was paid for because I helped her balance her budget. It wasn’t just a brag situation.
Mrs. Louboutin caught my feelings right. It isnt really even that I want them to cover more. It is more that I just feel like the FSIL is on a pedistal and it just hurts my feelings. I know they did loose some money but are coming back together and I really don’t care about the money issue. I just really wish that his mom wanted to be more involved for this wedding too and she doesn’t. I can’t force her into. I have tried to even help with planning the rehersal dinner together and she just says for me to do it and she will give me the money if it falls in set budget. I have tried to talk to my Fin about it and he thinks it is in my mind. Hence the reason I vented on here. LOL
Post # 7
Oh and the other wedding was 1.5 years ago. My thoughts is they had saved money for a while to help with that wedding and they haven’t yet recovered but I have no idea like everyone else said.