- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I'm kind of annoyed. One of my best friends is having a baby shower this weekend for her second child. Her daughter is only 2 1/2. I'm not sure if people do this in other parts of the country but where we live it is considered incredibly tacky. It's pretty evident that this shower is just a gift grab. She even went as far as to register though she did so under her maiden name for some reason (still trying to figure that one out).
Her mother is throwing her the shower at their church, there are no invitations and from what I gather there won't really be any food either for a 6 pm shower! I was the only one of our group of friends who she told and apparently I was supposed to relay the message to the rest of our group. News to me! So needless to say, I will be the only one of our friends there with her psycho/dysfunctional/abusive/trashy family. I'm kind of annoyed by the whole thing though, since she's one of my best friends I have to go to support her. I wouldnt have an issue going if there was a considerable amount of time between kids but theres not.
I dont really know where this post is going but I just had to vent!
What are your thoughts on multiple baby showers?
I don't think multiple showers are tacky! I guess it must be regional.
@UpstateCait: Ya, that's really not kosher to me either. That definitely sounds like a gift grab, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And why are you in charge of inviting other people?! That's the host's job! I would conveniently be "busy" that day if I were you. The only only only way that I could think this would even be remotely reasonable was if the child was of the opposite sex of the first one. Then you couldn't really make due with the clothes you already have. But even at that, my friends have been really great with saving and boxing up clothes by size & gender, and then sharing amongst themselves! Most of my friends have too much because of that system! Have you asked your friend about why she's having another shower? I'd be interested to hear her reasoning (if it was other than, "I want new stuff").
@OttawaBride2011: Have you been to a shower for a second child? I've never heard of it here in the GTA. I know girls who have had 2+ showers for the first baby (one friends/one family/work/etc), but I don't know anyone who's had one for the second (or any subsequent) child. Just curious to know since we're relatively close together!
@bakerella: Lol. Well I don't have any friends with babies yet, just my sister and she only has one. But in my head, when I think about it, I don't think it would bother me. Maybe I would feel different if it actually happens to me...
@UpstateCait: It really depends. I had a baby shower for my first daughter. Her father and I are not together. She is 4 right now. My SO and I want two more of our own and I'm sure his family is going to want to throw the baby shower and enjoy having their first grand child. I'm not going to turn it down because I've already been there done that.
Every situation is different. I think if they are super close in age, then a baby shower is pointless and gift grabby. If you have a six year old by the time you have a new baby, then I feel like it's okay. In my situation I feel like it's perfectly fine and I will flip off the etiquette police if they try to arrest me. ^_^
The multiple shower thing wouldn't be a big deal for me (I personally think they are totally fine), but I do think the rest of the shower sounds a bit....interesting.
I agree baby showers for 2nd baby are not looked upon kindly where I come from. Maybe if the baby is a different gender, for fun and to get a few gender specific things. But definitely not for the same sex as the first and so close together.
@bakerella: Thats exactly it. She "wants new stuff". She is having a boy and her other kid is a girl but ALL of the baby things that we're purchased for her daughter were gender neutral so they really do have everything that they need. They just WANT new things. This is the way my friend does things. We didn't even get an invitation to her wedding (and I was a bridesmaid). I threw her bridal shower of which I got ZERO help for and never got a thank you card. We also never got a thank you card for our $250 wedding gift. I've made it a point to only get her diapers and a toy for this kid. I refuse to go all out like I normally do.
I'm split on this one. I recently threw a 2nd shower for a friend, whom I met after she had her 1st child... we're in the same play group. SO, the playgroup had a shower. None of us were at her first shower. In this case, we just really wanted to throw her one... we would have bought her gifts anyway and wanted to get together.
Most "2nd baby showers" that I've heard of or been invited to listed that gifts were optional and not expected. Everyone brought one, but again, we all would have gotten the mom gifts anyway.
I don't see the problem with having a 2nd shower...what if it's a different gender? But I do have a problem with having a shower and not providing snacks/food! That's not cool..
Multiple babies showers don't really bother me. I think every child deserves a celebration. I threw two showers for the same friend and enjoyed planning and hosting both of them. For the second shower, she didn't register and I made it clear on an insert in the invitation that no gifts were needed but if they wanted to bring something, they could bring diapers in various sizes and bottle liners.
Having said that....I am not really cool with people throwing THEMSELVES a baby shower...that DOES seem gift grabby. However, if someone offers to throw one FOR you...why not?
Hm. Good points from all the PPs. I hadn't thought about the child from a previous relationship vs child from new relationship type scenario.... That would be really exciting for the family, very true.
I don't think I would go to a second shower formally, but I have no problem buying a congrats gift for mom and the new baby when someone does have a second child. We always give a little outfit or whateve, it's not like the second child is less special. I just always think of showers as an opportunity for the parents to get some help with the big ticket items like a car seat, high chair, stroller, monitor set, etc.
I guess I could just say that for myself, I wouldn't want a shower for my second child (not that I even have a first yet! LOL!). Different strokes for different strokes, and I agree, situation dependant.
*As a side note, thanks to the other posters who offered varying opinions/ experiences! I never thought of the things you mentioned. Along the lines of another thread, you guys made me reconsider my viewpoint! Cool!
I am always happy to attend showers for others, even if it is for their second or third child.. I appreciate all that my friends, family and bridesmaids have done for me throughout my engagement, and just want to reflect that back to others.. Seriously, I find myself giving nicer presents to others because people have been so generous with me! True, the details of this shower sound a bit odd, but if you are truly friends with this girl, you will support her, regardless of her neurotic/trashy family. She probably needs you there for support! In the south for a second baby, sometimes there is a "sip and see" where friends and family are invited to come and meet the baby after he or she is born and enjoy some light appetizers and punch or champagne...Instead of having another baby shower for instance.. Hope you've gotten some clarity and gotten the frustration out! :)
It's definitely not kosher in my family/circle of friends to have more than one shower unless there are special circumstances like some listed above (different husband, kids years apart, etc.). I guess I just don't see the need if you've already had one (you'd have everything you need!). It is customary to buy the new baby some outfits, onsies, blankets, or something small when it's born, but to have a second shower and to register is definitely considered gift-grabbing.
@ranunculuslove: I'm going regardless, I'm just not really happy about it. NO-ONE is. All of our friends think its a bit ridiculous and because of this, they're not going (though they weren't even technically invited so they have an excuse). It's just frustrating because it's so blatantly a gift grab.
I totally get having a second shower for different families or if there is a large gap between kids but I still think this one is just a little greedy. I also feel like it wouldn't have been as big of a deal if she wouldn't have registered but she did and the stuff she registered for is NOT cheap. Her family doesn't really have anything. For a long time there were 3 families living under one very small 2 bedroom roof. Currently, her parents are homeless and staying in her grandparents garage or sleeping on my friends sisters couch depending on what night of the week it is yet her mother feels the need to throw my friend a shower? Given, from what I gather she won't be spending much on it but the whole situation is just very strange to me.
I'm very conflicted about this. I guess it depends on how far apart the kids are in age. I had a friend who adopted a daughter, her first child, and had a huge baby shower which was great. She got very expensive gifts and at least 50 or 60 people showed up, so she raked in big time in the gift dept. But then she decided to adopt again less than a year later and had ANOTHER huge shower and I felt like that was just too much too soon.
If she had waited at least 3 or 4 years to adopt I don't think I would think twice about it. Or if the second baby was a boy maybe I would be okay with it. I think the second shower should've been a "no gift" required gathering just to celebrate the new addition with no expectations of getting gifts.
@UpstateCait: You think that's bad?? My cousin's wife had THREE showers...and the last shower she threw HERSELF!! Talk about tacky...
Still, good for you for going and supporting your friend.
Since the second baby is of a different gender, I think a small second shower is OK. In fact, I will be attending a "sprinkle" shower for my sister-in-law in the spring.... she has a 3-yeard-old boy, but is expecting a girl.
I'm used to people doing baby showers for EACH child. I know I got my god-daughter as much as I got her brother, and I'll probably do the same for baby #3 if I can afford it. Heck, her mom threw two showers for the first kid!
I've been to multiple 2nd child baby showers and never thought twice about it. I think every child needs to be celebrated individually. I'm always happy to buy gifts for the new baby and the new mommy. Things break, wear out, etc. Also it's sad if all the baby has is second hand stuff from their older sibling. I see absolutely nothing wrong with this.
I've only ever heard of a shower for first child, hence why you usually get gender neutral "big gear" (stroller, play pen etc...) or buy yourself new stuff the 2nd time around. Not necessarily fair but just how it goes I guess. I could see another shower if it was like miss tattoo said.. many years between the children, or children with an entirely different person.
I don't think they're tacky at all. I see it as a celebration of a new family member and what do you do at parties? Give gifts!
I've haven't heard of multiple showers being frowned upon in my area. My youngest 2 boys are 3 and 6 and I had a shower for each of them. Actually my job threw me 2 showers. They love having parties so there was no getting around it but I really appreciated them wanting to do that for me. I think I invited my mom and best friend and the rest were coworkers. The rest of my family just brought gifts directly to my house.
I have been to many showers for 2nd, 3rd and even 4th babies. It's always nice to have a few new things for the new baby.
The big difference I have noted from discussions on the board is that where I live no one would think of throwing a shower for themselves or having close family thow one for them.
And that includes bridal showers. Here showers are thrown by friends, co-workers, church and club members and the grooms family-welcoming the bride to their family. Never by the bride's family.
Personally if this was really a good friend, it wouldn't bother me, because I'd be buying them a gift for their second (or third or fourth) child anyway.
I've been to a number of showers that are for a second child, but it's usually because they are a different sex than the first one.
I have only heard of having showers for second kids when there is a long span between the kids. For inatance: My sister and I are 7 years apart so my Aunts threw showers both times for my mother.
hmm this is interesting. I haven't had any friends who've had a second child yet, but I don't think I would be upset to be going to a second shower for the same family. Especially if they have the shower after the baby is born so you can meet the new baby.
I suppose it also depends too. If I knew it was a gift grab, I'd be a little annoyed, but some people (like me!) love going to parties and having parties!
I'm confused...I've always viewed showers a way to celebrate the mom-to-be and the baby. How sad if one kid has all these photos of their mom pregnant with them and friends and family celebrating their pending arrival...and then the siblings have nothing. I never heard of that being tacky. Why can't every pregnancy be just as exciting and celebratory as the first?
@bakerella: We're from the same country, and I'm totally like, why WOULDN'T you have a shower for a second baby? I guess you don't necessarily need as much stuff for the second child, but still...
I've been to lots of baby showers for second children. I guess we just like a good party on the west coast :)
I always thought you had a shower for each baby you had but when my SIL didn't have one for her second child (a girl--first was a boy) and informed me that it's generally inappropriate, i've started noticing that nobody else around here has a second shower. That bieng said, i'd be thrilled to go to more for friends of mine! You could always donate items to a charity for the second baby....i think it's more about getting all the girls together and having some food and getting your belly rubbed by loved ones =]
This is normal in nz. And not really a gift grab as you usually don't buy shower gifts for any shower (wedding or baby) worth more than nz$30. Which is prob us$16. Showers are more about food, friends and games :)
I should also mention that gifts at baby showers here are for the mums, not necessarily the baby. Like stretch mark creams (haha) or relaxing bath stuff, nice books etc.
I have been to 2nd baby shower and didnt think much of it. I think it just depends on the area where you live.
I'm not even pregnant again yet, and my coworkers are talking about throwing me my next shower.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th shower. Babies need diapers, food, bottles, clothes, and maybe new bedding, decor, furniture, etc. Yes, you may need LESS with a new baby, but you still need multiples of things. Most people don't realize car seats have an expiration date and you'll need to buy a new one unless you have "Irish twins." Also, you may already have a crib, but you'll still need a dresser or way to store the new baby's items. There's plenty to gift someone for new baies. I don't understand the animosity toward the concept.
I think maybe you're more upset that she's being a poor hostess? Or that maybe she registered for things you don't think she needs?
I'd love to hear opinions from other mommies...I know I sent gifts for my SIL's 3rd baby shower and I wasn't upset by it. Is it really that rare?
It's not an issue where I live for people to have multiple baby showers. We LOVE baby showers over here. My daughter is almost 3 and when she was born I didn't even have a baby shower. So I am hoping if my next child is a boy I can have a shower since I didn't get to experience it the first time. Or even if I have another girl I don't have a doubt that my friends will WANT to host a shower for me, even though I wouldn't be upset if they didn't.Things get cycled through with kids it is true, BUT there are things that do need replaced.
I don't think multiple showers is tacky. Why should the second childs birth be celebrates and helped with any less? What if it is a different sex? Different things will still be needed and some of the things that the other baby used wont be able to be used by the new baby. All showers are gift grabs in a sence but they are essentially a celebration of a new life! A second new life isn't worth any less of a celebration IMO.
Honestly, I don't understand why anyone would care if someone had a shower for each of their babies. Like kfricke89 stated, why should only the first baby be celebrated.
If you don't agree with your friend having a second shower then don't go!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| kate02121 | 12 |
| ndreighton | 11 |
| rivierabridal | 6 |
| ozpeony | 4 |
| bonkeyball3 | 4 |
| cbeyelia | 4 |
| mcdonald_515 | 4 |
 turtles73 |
4 |
| jaguar | 3 |
| BMORE SEXI | 3 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
