- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2016
Well, myself being Indian and my boyfriend being American, there is a huge clash between cultures already. To an extent – I’ve been brought up in England, so my mindset is more ‘British’, though I hold on to my Indian roots at times.
Anyway, there is a huge culture clash. My family friends ask about my pomise ring and I tell them it’s a promise ring, which they then assume is something I wear to lure creeps away… I try to explain but they laugh it off. Whilst in my boyfriend’s town, it’s more acceptable and more understandable when you see a girl wearing a promise ring.
Then this summer, I visited my boyfriend for 3 months (a long time, yes). It took a lot of tears, sweat, and blood on my part because of my family and how conservative they are (they’re very strict Hindus). In the end, once the tickets were bought, they somewhat dealt with it and helped me on my trip, which I am highly grateful for.
However, I learnt from my brother (not in a malicious way, we were just discussing things) that some of the ladies in the neighbourhood had been talking about my mother because of my trip behind her back. Which I was sad to hear, because I know these things get to my mother a lot. And one of them has also told her we (my brother and I) were bad children because she did not stay at home and she worked (she’s an OBGYN surgeon).
Then I also learnt that my mother on her recent trip to India, was bombarded (subtly, albeit) about questions regarding my trip. She laughed them off and pretended she didn’t understand, but I have a feeling people kept talking about my SO and I, especially considering he is not Indian.
I’m getting frustrated and annoyed at these attitudes. My SO and I as a couple aren’t even mentioned in the house except by my mum (who will ask after him sometimes) and my brother (sometimes). My dad doesn’t acknowledge my trip this summer, and I’m getting fed up of people’s attitudes. Normally I don’t care, but I want them to mind their own business and stop talking rubbish about my parents and myself behind our backs. Honestly, I want to hit them in the face with a huge placard saying ‘MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!’…
I honestly feel I get on with my future in-laws better than with my own family, just because their mindsets are more similar to mine. This culture clash is really annoying me, it’s as if I’m taboo. I feel I can’t tell my mother’s friends about my SO and myself, because I know exactly what my mother would think if I did. So I just keep quiet when they ask, or change the subject.
Are there any Indians out there who have married non-Indians? What were your families like? Anyone in a mixed-cultural relationship/marriage, please chip in…