VENT: Do I need to ruin this girl's career?

posted 3 years ago in Career
  • poll: How should I respond to the request for a reference?
    Tell the truth: you did not enjoy working with her : (33 votes)
    15 %
    Ignore the call : (37 votes)
    17 %
    Say that you worked together but didn't supervise her or know her well, so can't comment on her work : (129 votes)
    59 %
    Other? : (18 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    You say, “I’m sorry, I do not feel comfortable providing a reference for Susie.”

    Post # 4
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    It’s risky to come right out and say she’s bad. People have been sued for less. Don’t be dishonest either though! If I were you, I’d just call back and say “I’m sorry, I can’t provide a reference, you may want to try someone else.” They’ll get the message but nothing can come back to bite you in the bum!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2113 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would probably say I don’t feel comfortable being a reference for her…they’ll get the gist without you actually throwing her under the bus.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2162 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Oh my god, I have known people like this myself! Sorry you are dealing with this.

    I don’t know what I would do. Maybe give a neutral response? Say you remember that she was nice and friendly but don’t remember any standout points about her?

    Post # 8
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Here you cant actually say anything bad in a reference so the worst reference you can ever have is “Ms X worked here between Z and Y”

    Just say that you dont feel able to provide the reference and direct them to your boss/line manager/whoever you both had at the time

    Post # 9
    Member
    2162 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @PromiseRooster:  My mom’s boss got sued for making it difficult for a girl to find another job after she was fired. The boss told the girl to use her as a reference, so she did. The girl was unemployed for a year because the boss kept telling potential employers that the girl was a terrible worker. The girl won the case. Other than that, I don’t think you will get sued for saying someone was unpleasant to work with (being that you were only a coworker and you never told the girl you would give her a good reference). Who knows tho.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3693 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If you were an intern with her, I don’t think you should be the one providing a reference anyway. The posters above me had really good suggestions on how to handle it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3156 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @PromiseRooster:  I think the other PPs gave good advice.  It’s the kindest way to say she sucks.  If you speak with them you will be put in the position to either a.  Lie or B. say something that could directly get back to her.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1059 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @PromiseRooster:  I’d do a combo of telling the truth and saying you didn’t know her well. Something like:

    “My general impression of so-n-so was that she was not very engaged in her work. She had difficulties with assigned tasks and was not much of a go-getter. However, I was not in a management position so I am not able to comment on her actual performance or abilities.”

    Post # 13
    Member
    3420 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    @peachacid:  +1

    You really are not a suitable reference to begin with, so tell them you don’t feel comfortable giving one and leave it at that.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @PromiseRooster: “Say that you worked together but didn’t supervise her or know her well, so can’t comment on her work”

    Perfect. Just leave it at that, You’re not hurting or helping and wont be the deciding factor for or against her.

    Maybe there was something going on in her life at the time or maybe she really truly is just lazy and minipulative. But with that response, its up to someone else to determine what she’s like today, not you. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3519 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @PromiseRooster:  the proper HR response is that you can confirm that you worked with her, but any inquiries need to go to the HR department or supervisor.  They will read between the lines.

    Post # 16
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @mallo:  That’s for the company, not personal references, though.

    I would just say “Yes, I worked with Jane from X date to Y-date but am unable to be her personal reference.”

    They’ll probably get the idea, and you aren’t lying or telling the dirty truth.

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