Post # 1
This person does everything opposite of what I want for my baby. Questionable personal hygiene (not sure if hands are washed) and once when he was over I saw him waving his bare foot in front of my baby’s face. She is 5 months and touches everything and then either sucks on them or her hands afterwards. Can you say gross?! My husband and I never let her touch our bare feet and we are her parents! We are spending time with family again and he was offering her a chicken nugget. She didn’t even move towards it but he shoved it in her mouth and made her lick it. He thought it was funny. Wtf?! She has not even started solids yet. My husband tried to stop it and I said no but he did it anyway!
This person luckily spends a limited amount of time around my daughter and now I try to be there 100% of the time because of stuff like that. My husband wants to go on a trip just the two of us for a few days with his parents watching our daughter. I am afraid of what will go on while we are away. I trust his parents with her but do not trust their other family member and there is a good chance he will be around some of the time while we are away. My MIL did not do anything to stop him from what he did. She was there also and while she objected as well, he didn’t listen.
I am not overreacting, am I? Maybe he means well, but I still don’t like him around her. He is also the one who said I should go back to working more because I don’t have anything else better to do. I work once a week and husband works full time. We don’t want daycare for her at this point and what we are doing now works for us. So yeah on top of everything else I’m upset that he said that.
So what do I do? I dont want to go on this trip anymore because of the chance of him being around her. How do I approach my husband about this? I don’t want to cause any tension between anyone. I also don’t think they would oblige to not having him around our baby at all. Ugh wish I did have to deal with this.
Post # 2
Why don’t you sit down with this person and discuss your concerns with his behavior in a kind way and ask him to please refrain from doing certain things to your child. A respectful, adult conversation might go a long way…
Personally, it’s a good day if the worst thing my 7 month old touches is our bare feet. The chicken nugget thing wouldn’t be that big of a deal to me – it’s not like he shoved it in her mouth and she ate it. I mean even if she did munch on it, it’s not like it’s something that she’d die from. Handwashing is a good idea now that it’s flu season…
Everyone’s different though with these things, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with. It does a little bit seem like you just don’t like this person to begin with, so everything he does annoys you type of deal.
Post # 3
I doubt speaking with him would do anything, as you, your DH and MIL all objected to him giving the chicken nugget to the baby and he just kept on doing it. Is there anyone else to watch her while on vaca? I consider myself pretty laid back, but ew! on his gross man feet, especially if he has questionable personal hygiene and you don’t give a 5 month old a chicken nugget! Or really anything, with out asking the parent if it’s ok. Does your husband (besides the food thing) think he is gross, inappropriate etc? If so, I think it is easier to explain. If not, I mean, what can you do? You have to tell him how you feel. However, even if you do, you said his parents wouldn’t go along with not having this guy around you daughter anyways. I would look into other peopel to watch her.
Also, I’m dying to know what type of relative he is (uncle?) and how old this man is?? haha.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
rachelsmithe007: ohhh my gosh someone put a bare foot infront of your baby!!!! Please. This is ridiculous and sounds like more of a personal issue with the person.
Post # 5
Yes it is the uncle and about 30 yrs old.
missjz: you’re actually ok with your baby reaching out for someone else’s bare foot and pulling it towards his/her mouth to lick?! I’m fine with her putting toys in her mouth because those have been cleaned. I am fine with her biting on family’s fingers if their hands have been washed. I had no idea that I would be considered a germophobe because of that.
Post # 5
rachelsmithe007: Who cares about bare feet? Some people think they are gross– they aren’t going to make your baby sick.
In terms of chicken nugget scenario– if he actually “shoved” it in her mouth and it upset her– that can be dangerous. If he was just teasing her with it, but there was no real safety concern…..well it’s annoying at best.
I think what annoys me the most about this person you are referring to- isn’t that his foot was being waved around, and isn’t that he played with a chicken nugget near your daughter– it’s that he doesn’t listen to your wishes, and you are the parents.
I’m pretty strict about my kid(s). If you don’t want to follow my rules, don’t be around them. I’m OK with that. I don’t think I have any “too strict” rules– there are pretty basic. My mom is the worst though- because she thinks that just because she is grandma she trumps my ruling.
Regardless if you decide to go out of town or not, it’s worth having a conversation with this family member about his behavior around your daughter. I don’t know his age- but he sounds rather childish. Perhaps explain to him that you’re only asking him to respect your wishes for the safety of your daughter, and he can’t comply, why does he even want to be around her?
Post # 6
rachelsmithe007: I’m preggo with my first but I honestly can’t imagine leaving my 5 month old with anyone to go on a trip for a few days.
That being said, if you are looking for a simple solution to your problem, I would suggest that you either don’t take the trip or that you take the baby on the trip with you. That way there are no arguments, uncomfortable and probably unsuccessful discussions with said immature weirdo or your MIL and you can avoid hurt feelings on all sides.
PS Sorry you’re going through this and no, I don’t think you’re overreacting. People are gross and annoying around babies. My whole family always put their fingers in my 5 mo old niece’s mouth without asking my sister which both her and I found to be disgusting and rude.
Post # 7
missjz: helpful. do you have kids? do you understand that the problem is not the actual act, but more the lack of respect?
Post # 8
Nope. I wouldn’t let this person around my child if they can’t respect my wishes.
Post # 9
While the barefeet thing is gross, I wouldn’t condemn him to hell for it – he just sounds like a moron with that. And saying you should go back to work because you “have nothing better to do” makes him sound like an asshole, but it’s not ‘ban him from the baby’ worthy.
The chicken nuggest thing is totally different: 1) if anyone, ever, SHOVED something in my child’s mouth that they didn’t want (and shouldn’t have), I’d be pretty pissed. 2) if anyone ever did *anything* to my child while three different people were saying NO DON’T DO THAT (including both of the child’s parents), I’d be enraged. It doesn’t matter one iota what the act was.
A frank conversation with him probably won’t do much. Can you have a frank conversation with your MIL *about* him? If she’s not able or willing to stand up to him, or ensure that he’s not around the baby while you’re gone, then you simply cannot leave your child with your in laws while you go on this trip.
Post # 10
I think your worries are reasonable and justified. I suggest finding someone else to take care of the baby or taking her on vacation with you.
I completely understand why you’re not comfortable with this guy. It’s not ok for him interact with your baby in ways you don’t approve of or give her things you don’t want her to have. I also understand why you’re doubtful of your MIL and FIL when it comes to this issue. Frankly, I wouldn’t trust them in this situation either.
When you talk to your husband about this, I think you’ll simply have to say what you truly think: you don’t want this man around your child, you’re not sure if your MIL and FIL can be trusted to not have him around or to be mindful of how he acts around the baby, and you’re not comfortable going on vacation when you’re not confident in the people who are going to be taking care of her.
I hope all of this gets worked out soon.