VENT: Does being in a relationship change the way you dress or behave?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I hear ya – some men are just creeps regardless of what you wear! Makes you wonder who raised these disrespectful men.  I was also followed and get cat calls all the time – even if I’m just dressed in work clothes. I feel your pain.  Some girls love attention, but I wish I can just go out without being noticed. 

Post # 4
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

@lawyerchick13:  I’m sorry this happend to you. That’s awful!


In response to your question – yes, my attire changes … but differently than yours, I tend to leave the flannel PJ pants on a little longer than I would if I were single.  I’m not as attentive to accessories or my outfit being perfectly co-ordinated now that I’m in a seirous relationship. I guess I’ve let myself be a little more relaxed now about my appearance. I also behave a lot more conservatively when I’m in a relationship – I don’t go out to clubs as much anymore, or drink at all.  I guess I just love staying home with my man and our dog… why would I ever go out?!

Post # 5
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@lawyerchick13:  I’m so sorry. That’s awful what you’ve been through with these creeps. I can’t even think of a term fitting to how awful these people are.

It is absolutely terrifying. I can’t understand why these men want to terrorize us. I suppose they feel a sense of entitlement. I can certainly relate to your comment. Sometimes it really sucks being a woman.

I would like to vent about a ‘minor’ work incident. I was sitting at my desk, when one of my (married) coworkers started massaging my shoulders out of nowhere. I am shy & nonconfrontational. I froze! I didn’t know what to do. I said, “please don’t touch me.” But, he didn’t seem to care! It’s unreal!

I don’t get out of the house much, so I’ve had very few of these experiences. Mostly I’m a homebody, but part of the reason I don’t go out is because I’m afraid. I feel safer with my husband. Although he is not at all intimidating. He’s only 5’4″ and chubby.

Does it change how I dress? No, not really. But, I don’t have any desire to wear revealing tops, or miniskirts. That said, I support a woman’s choice to wear what she likes. Although, I’m guilty of judging women for what they wear, revealing or not…

 

 

Post # 6
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@lawyerchick13:  I have another spin on this topic to vent about. I have always dressed showing cleavage. Most of my shirts show it. Its never super obnoxious and I cover up for work, family, and church. I’m sooo tired of friends telling me that I need to get my use out of my clothes now because you can’t dress that way when you are married. If I want to wear a tight short dress I will dam sure wear it lol I didn’t know that signing my marriage license signed away my rights to my wardrobe!

Post # 7
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

I’m blessed with DDs so I get attention wearing anything and everything. My PJs, a nice conservative outfit, or my slutty bar clothes. My SO is chubby, 5′ 9″ but can pack a real punch so people know not to mess with me. It just makes me sad that I can’t walk home from a favorite bar by myself because men call me names or follow me. Hell I can’t walk into a gas station in the middle of the day to get a bottle of water without people gawking. I’m not attractive and I’m a fatty so if I really want to stop the attention I throw a hoodie on. It gets hot in southern IL though so there’s only so much you can do!

Post # 8
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

I look like a 16-year-old and mostly just wear jeans and tshirts, so I’ve never gotten catcalled by men. (I guess there might not be a connection between those two things, but I’ve always assumed there was… not that I’m complaining!) That sounds terrifying!  

I behaved differently when I was single, though. I’m a natural flirt and I know it, but I try to stifle it now that I’m in a committed relationship. When I was single, I would use it. I sometimes still tend to come off flirty, but I’m not actually trying to.

Post # 9
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lawyerchick13:  So much this. Agreed with everything you said 100%. Women should not be held responsible for other people’s shitty behavior, and wearing whatever clothes you want should never be seen as an invitation. 

But for me the only change is that I dress a little cuter at home.

Post # 10
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@lawyerchick13:  What cities do you live in so I can NEVER EVER LIVE THERE. Jeez!

Post # 11
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yuck…so wrong for men to sexualize the clothing choices of women.

 

In response to your question, I don’t think my dressing habits change much…but who’s to say at this point.  I’ve been in a very long relationship and will be married soon 🙂  Hoopefully being married will change my habits so I’m always stylish and never looking like I just got out of bed 🙂

Post # 12
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

@mepayne:  Me too! Jeans and t-shirt, ponytail and sneakers… no catcalls.

Now with the SO I dress up a bit more. He is older and likes to dress more formally than I was used to. One day at the beginning of our relationship we went sightseeing and he was well dressed, while I wore a tshirt and jean shorts. When I saw the pics of us together that day and how bad it looked, I was convinced to change the way I dressed.

Post # 13
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2006

@lawyerchick13:  Wow!  Where in the world do you live!  That’s terrible!  I live in a mid-sized city and never get that kind of craziness.  Now if I went to a club or something then yes, but otherwise, men are pretty respectful. And this is coming from a girl who is pretty!  (Not trying to be conceited!).

Post # 14
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I love catching public transport with FI because I don’t get harassed with a big guy next to me! I think I get hassled when I’m alone for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I live on a bit of a dodgy train line. Secondly, I think I’m not very good at projecting a “leave me alone” attitude. For some reason people find me approachable. FI does a great “back off” face that I really should practice.

As for my dress habits, I’m a jeans and long sleeve shirt kind of girl so they don’t really change whether I’m single or not – although I’ll dress up when I go out regardless of whether I’m with FI or alone.

Post # 15
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@lawyerchick13 Holy cr*p, that’s not normal! You must live somewhere that breeds hellbeasts. O.o

I live in an English city with a bad rep, but I never have had much trouble here (random catcalls from drunks not included). However, when I lived in Spain, men got a bit more handsy and stalkerish. I think maybe it depends on the local ‘culture’? I know it’s not alright for them to do what they do to you and that YOU shouldn’t have to change anything as they are in the wrong, but maybe consider moving? It’s not normal being scared everytime you leave your house on your own.

To answer the original question, no, I haven’t changed the way I dress; I like my style and have no reason to change it.

Post # 16
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’m going to add something disturbing to this post.

I haven’t been bothered like OP in years. However, when I was probably between the ages of about 13 and 18, I used to regularly have people feel me up on buses, follow me… all the rest of it. As soon as I started looking and dressing older, this stopped.

I think this says something very disturbing about the society we live in.

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