(Closed) Vent: Don’t want to be a nag, but I need some help! (sorry, long)

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsKitchenQueen:  This sounds sillly but Fiance and I did a chore chart a while back and it really helped us get into a house-keeping swing. Maybe something like that would work?

Post # 5
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsKitchenQueen:  No problem! I made up my own little chart and left a few blanks to write things in for the week that different (read: batteries!)

Post # 6
46219 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sit down- have a talk and decide who is going to do what. If he needs a reminder have him set it up on his phone or calendar on his computer.

Post # 7
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

How often has he seen you “blow up”? my fiance never does dishes, cleans, etc… but one day he actually cooked (clouds part, a beam of light, and you can hear angels singing). well in the process of making tacos he drank a whole freaking pail of margueritas, managed to dirty EVERY dish in the house, AND literally had to soak crusty stuff off the stove. needless to say i BLEW IT. I yelled, I broke dishes, I numbered off all the things i did around the house while DARING him to name 1 that he does. needless to say, he hasn’t cooked since and he has started doing more around the house. You’re not his mom and he needs to know that. if you don’t want to fight or don’t have it in you, i’m with ali, start a chart.

Post # 8
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

to be honest, my fiance and i are both terrible at housekeeping. i am thinking of making a chart with daily/weekly items in permament marker and then getting a dry erase marker so we can cross off the chores that are done that week. and if a certain percentage are done, we can get a treat (like going out for ice cream)

Post # 10
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

sounds like my hubby – i once went almost 6mths with a strobing fluro light in the bathroom because he was too busy and lazy to change it and it took me hitting the roof at 3am in the morning when i went bat shit crazy on his sleeping arse that he finally changed it

i dont think you are being unreasonable, like you i do everything in our home but take out the garbage – thats his only chore. to be honest i now have Mark, a “hire a hubby” handyman (thats his legal business name) for my houseshold repairs – saves grief for both of us

if its something hubby can handle (light bulbs for example), we now laugh and i say “honey you be the man today and do….” and he will – i think he learnt his lesson after the last time i went crazy over a light bulb

Post # 12
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Darling Husband is not domestic. I don’t like to be but am more often than he is.


We compromised and he pays the housekeeper. Marriage saving investment right there.

Post # 13
2894 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly? I put my foot down one day. Told him “I’m not your mom and if I wanted a child I would push one out of my vagina. I’m not about to sit there and nag and remind you about every little thing that needs to be done. I’m not going to be your mom. If you want a mom. you can marry the one you already have. You know this stuff needs to be done, so just do it.” (Or something along those lines). Let’s just say he’s become significantly more proactive over the last several months.

Post # 14
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds EXACTLY like my husband! I was convinced that this was “just the way he is” until my mom pointed out that he is extremely successful at work and doesn’t have anyone reminding him all day every day to do stuff.  If he can learn that, he can learn when chores need to be done.  I think that this is an issue for a lot of women because the mess/chores seem to bother us more than it bothers men.  But here is what we’ve done to try to avoid conflict.

1)DH is responsible for SPECIFIC chores- he cleans the bathroom, takes out the trash, feeds the dogs and does the outdoor chores (shoveling snow, mowing lawn, weeding, etc) If they aren’t done, I can call him on it because they are ALWAYS his jobs, not just when I ask him to do them.

2) We decided on a schedule that the above chores “need” to be done.  Now, am I down his throat if he’s a day or two late? No.  But at least he knows what MY expectations are for when things should be done.  *as a note, he’s always at least one day late on his “chores”- I’ve learned to deal with it:)

3) He is “allowed” to call me on my “chores” that I don’t do. THIS IS IMPORTANT! If I can *gently remind* him that his stuff isn’t done, then he can do the same to me. It has helped A LOT (even though it’s only happened once) because then it doesn’t feel like I’m his parent

We went to a couples counselor that told me that men are just wired differently and see different things than women do.  BUT, that doesn’t excuse them from ever being responsible for household items.  Hold your ground on specific items you want him to do and it will get better:)

Post # 15
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@claireos:  been there, done that. 

I also agree with the chart

Post # 16
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

dh actually does more chores now than I do, because his work tends to be less stressful and time-consuming than mine, but it took a LOT of conversations, heated and not, to get to where where we are now (we’ve lived together now almost 4 years–I think it took about 2.5 before he started cleaning without me asking/nagging, aside from a few tasks he knows are “his”). it went from nagging because no one wants to do certain chores, to a mutual understanding that part of maintaining our relationship is both of us pulling our weight to keep our home afloat. he def needed to learn what needed to be done and when–we tried to use a chore chart but it didn’t work super well for us (it worked better in college, I think, when there were more people to divvy up the tasks no one likesdd). instead we have a white board with a to-do list on it that helps us both keep track of what needs to be done. 

The topic ‘Vent: Don’t want to be a nag, but I need some help! (sorry, long)’ is closed to new replies.

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