(Closed) VENT: Family issues and now DH wants to move back home (LONG!!)

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh wow, this is a rough situation. I’m so sorry to hear all this is going on. Can your husband can a leave of absence from work for a month or so and go home to help out a bit? I really think that would be the best option. Several lives are already a mess, why add you guys to that pile? I’m living abroad too and I would be super devastated if we had to move back to the states for a reason like that. Also, you guys are a nuclear unit now and he has to worry about you guys first. I TOTALLY get needing to help out your family but he should just take the time off work if he can. Also, I’m sure your sister will understand if you guys pay to fly them out. It’s a much better option than moving home!

Post # 4
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Vent away! That’s what we’re here for.

I agree that your in laws are adults and they can look after themselves.  I wonder why your Darling Husband feels things would be any different if he were back in the US other than he probably just feels like he can’t do much from Europe other than send a few emails and I empathise (SO and I are overseas too).  My grandparents are 91 and 86, I might not see them again, but I still chose to move overseas for me/us.  I guess what I mean is we can’t constantly live our lives for other people whether they’re our families or not.  I doubt your Darling Husband will really make that much of a difference and more to the point he himself says you’ll change and be miserable in his hometown.  What about you?  You’re his family too!  It sounds like Darling Husband wouldn’t even want to move back if it was a bed of roses back home, so he has to give up his life because his brother can’t act like a grown up? That’s not right in my opinion.

Post # 5
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@texasbee:  I really do not think you should move back. It sounds like it would be a horrible situation to go back to and if your BIL hasn’t listened to anyone else in the family about how his life has been ruined, there is no certainty that your DH will be able to make him see reason. 

Even the fact that he wants you guys to pay for his Girlfriend and her daughter to come “or he wont” is pretty “out there” behaviour, and he probably feels like he has something to prove as everyone can’t stand this woman (With good reason, she doesn’t really sound like a catch…). 

It up to you but I think your BIL needs to take resposibility for his own life. Your Darling Husband obviously feels responsible towards him, but speaking from experience, I do not think you flying over there is going to “save” the BIL, its something he needs to want to do, which it does not seem like from your post. 

Best of luck, and I am very sorry you have to deal with this!  

The topic ‘VENT: Family issues and now DH wants to move back home (LONG!!)’ is closed to new replies.

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